Pocket money can buy good lessons

A child's pocket money is not just about managing finances - it is also about negotiating and agreeing to terms of engagement.

Illustration by Gary Clement for The National

Bliss. It's Saturday and the boys are vying for the - for now - coveted role of after-meal dishwasher. I've divvied it up so that they get turns, and that all mealtimes are covered. This has been going on for weeks now - but while the novelty of soap suds and water is yet to wear off, there is also the realisation that it is labour. My nine-year-old asked me if he could get paid for it. He did not start out with the thought, but after doing it a few times, and probably delving into a Beano comic or two, the idea crossed his mind.
My answer has always been a flat no to being paid for household chores. Why? Because we are a family, and this is our home. We all need to do our bit to have a nice, clean, tidy (ish) place to live, that we love and are proud of. These are social contracts that are key to how we interact, what we expect from each other and how we respect our surroundings and fellow persons.
Once a price tag is attached, they become more financial deeds rather than social decorum.
Today I'd like to delve into pocket money. To give, or not to give, and in exchange for what - this is the question.
A recent study involving 3,000 children between the ages of four and 14 found that those in the UAE get Dh500 a month on average. I find this to be a whopping amount. In the United Kingdom it is £27 (Dh143). In the United States the average 10-year-old receives US$23 a month.
For me though, how much is less important than what it's for.
Pocket money isn't just about managing finances - it's also about negotiating and agreeing to terms of engagement. For example, someone I know had to pay for her toiletries and clothes when she was a teenager. Her parents fed and housed her. Yes this is extreme, and yes it was a dysfunctional family, but what I want to get across is that along with handing over money is the need to stipulate what it's for and what it's not for. Do you allow your children complete freedom to choose? Or do you set boundaries such as no videogames without checking with you first to make sure they're appropriate.
If I had it my way, mine would expect, and receive, gifts only on specific special occasions - birthdays and other annual festivities. If they want the latest Lego set, comic or accessory, then they must save for it.
Unfortunately, well-meaning people in our lives skew this process with impulse buys. This doesn't serve the cause - which is to help these little people become big people who have a better handle on possessions, money and their lives. Every adult I know relates their current money-life behaviour to childhood experiences.
My children know that they can use part of their savings to buy a special something when we go on holiday. (Key words: save and delayed gratification). They can come up with ways of earning if they want to speed up a big purchase, like making and selling comics. This was the eldest son, who is now awe of Banksy. He is saving for a professional graffiti protection mask.
A 2014 study involving more than 12,000 people across Europe found that children who were given pocket money grew into adults who were 10 per cent more likely to regularly add to their savings and put money aside for retirement. Strangely, the same study found that those who got pocket money were 5 per cent less likely to have a budget, 3 per cent more likely to be overdrawn and 12 per cent more prone to impulse buys. I'm guessing this could be because they have more money in the bank, because they save more, which could lead to them being occasionally overdrawn and not feeling the need for a budget. That's because they feel secure in the knowledge that they have savings to fall back on.
Granted, these aren't great figures favouring pocket money as a financial management tool for life, but I'd rather have these odds than none.
The thing is, with money comes choice. Sometimes that choice isn't so great - like the time my then eight-year-old decided he was going to stash some crisps for a midnight feast with his friend who was due for a sleepover. Having access to cash - from his money bank - he got on his bike and rode to the corner shop (it's stuck to the compound and involves no crossing of roads, thankfully) having chirpily embellished the truth on his way out by saying he was going for a ride around the compound.
With money comes choice come judgment calls. He made a poor choice, and as is often the case was caught out by pure fluke (I was at the gate admiring plants and clocked him heading out). He thinks I have super powers and am omnipresent. But I won't always be there for him, and so he must learn to make decisions based on his values and priorities.
By empowering him with free will - within set boundaries - to decide what to do with his money, I hope he'll learn through how he handles it, and prospers. As for his brother, he has gone from scarcity to abundance in the blink of an eye, having joined our family five months ago from Ethiopia. His behaviour has changed from meticulously putting away every sliver of whatever he was given - including throwaway packaging - to fully embracing a consumer throwaway culture.
More on that as things evolve.
For now, I'm happy to kick back and watch my A team busy themselves with being house-proud for the fun, not the funding.
Nima Abu Wardeh describes herself using three words: Person. Parent. Pupil. Each day she works out which one gets priority, sharing her journey on finding-nima.com. You can reach her at [e-mail] and on Twitter at @nimaabuwardeh.
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