Money and guilt often go hand in hand. Whether it’s having more than others, spending unexpectedly, or receiving money after a loss, guilt can feel heavy. Let’s explore a few stories to understand why.
Take Eric, for example. He grew up in a well-off family, attending private schools and never worrying about money. His grandparents even gave him tens of thousands of dollars each year as part of a tax-saving plan. It wasn’t until later that he realised how privileged he was. This left him feeling guilty, as if he didn’t deserve the opportunities he’d been given simply because of the family he was born into.
Sarah’s story is different. She grew up in poverty, often skipping meals and wearing hand-me-down clothes. Later in life, after her husband was tragically killed in an accident, she received a large settlement. On paper, it should have eased her worries, but instead, Sarah feels guilty using the money without him.
Then there are Sean and Elizabeth, who’ve been working hard to stick to a budget. Sean enjoys joining his colleagues for lunch – it makes him feel part of the team and saves him the hassle of packing food. Elizabeth finds herself browsing online shops after stressful shifts as a nurse. They know these splurges aren’t part of their plan and that’s why guilt creeps in.
So, why does money make us feel this way?
Having money when others don’t
It’s common to feel guilty when we realise we have more than others. For people like Eric, who grew up with financial privilege, it can feel like they didn’t earn their position in life. This sense of injustice can weigh heavily.
People end up in different financial situations for all sorts of reasons – some within their control, others not. Where we sit on the income or wealth scale is often shaped by luck. Acknowledging this can shift our mindset. Instead of feeling guilty, we can focus on how we might use what we have in meaningful ways.
Money source
Receiving money after a loss, like Sarah, adds another layer of guilt. A financial windfall might change our circumstances but it can also feel like a painful reminder of what we’ve lost. It’s important to separate these two events in our minds. The loss is beyond our control but what we do with the money is within our power.
Ask yourself: what would your loved one want you to do with the money? By focusing on this, you can begin to honour their memory while easing some of the guilt.
Exceeding budget
Guilt about money isn’t always tied to how much we have – it’s often tied to how we use it. Sean and Elizabeth’s story shows how guilt can arise when our spending doesn’t match our values.
This guilt might indicate that our financial plan is too restrictive. If you’re constantly breaking your own rules, it might be time to reconsider them. Are they realistic? Do they allow room for the things that bring you joy? Money is meant to support your life, not the other way around.
What can you do about it?
Guilt, while uncomfortable, is manageable. Start by recognising what’s within your control. You can’t change where you were born, or what’s happened in the past, but you can decide how to move forward.
If you feel guilty for having money, consider how you might use it to reflect your values. This could mean helping others, supporting causes you care about, or making decisions that align with your priorities.
If you’ve received money after a loss, allow yourself time to grieve. Don’t let guilt lead you to make decisions that could harm your financial future. Instead, think about what would honour the memory of your loved one.
If your guilt comes from spending, explore why that is. Are you trying to relieve stress or find happiness in things? Look for other ways to address those needs.
Guilt around money is normal but it doesn’t have to control us. By understanding where our feelings come from and focusing on what’s within our control, we can start to shift our mindset. Gratitude, realistic planning and self-reflection are all steps in the right direction.
Money might carry emotional weight but it’s just a tool. How we use it is what truly matters.
