In one of the crucial scenes in James Cameron's Avatar, Sam Worthington's tortured hero Jake utters the warning "you have to leave or you're going to die". It might have been a warning to the inhabitants of Pandora, but to anyone who was struggling with the length of Avatar, toying with a quick exit from the cinema, it felt remarkably apt.
The film might have been the most expensive ever made. The 3D CGI might have looked sumptuous. And yes, it's the most successful movie of all time. But that didn't mean, surely, that it had to be an excruciating 162 minutes long.
Of course not. It had to be longer. That's the staggering conclusion James Cameron has reached not once, but twice, in a year. The Special Edition, released in August, added another nine minutes - taking us up to 171 minutes. But that still wasn't enough. In November, we'll be treated to the not very snappily titled Avatar Extended Collector's Edition, which has a further seven minutes, plus 45 minutes of deleted scenes. Cameron called the DVD release "everything the fans could possibly want". We'll be the judge of that, thanks.
Cameron, of course, has form for this kind of epic film-making. Titanic is a proper classic, but a frankly ridiculous 194 minutes long. That's more than three hours to tell us what we already knew - that a big ship hit an iceberg and sunk. It's not all Cameron's fault - films are definitely getting longer. All of the movies in Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings trilogy clocked in around the three-hour mark - the extended version of The Two Towers a staggering 223 minutes. Once you've seen the trailers for that, there's not much change from four hours.
The general consensus is that lengthy films are the fault of self-indulgent directors who studios dare not suggest need the guiding hand of a good editor. And it's true that movies over the 150-minute mark almost always have flabby, unnecessary sections where popping to the toilet isn't going to be fatal. But perhaps these increasingly lengthy films are actually our own fault. Take a look at the Top 10 list of the highest-grossing films, and we're encouraging the epic rather than shunning it.
Only two films in that list are under two hours: the peerless Toy Story 3 and Alice in Wonderland. Of the rest, only two are under 150 minutes and none are more than 13 years old. The fact is, in an age where studios struggle to get people to go to the cinema, a simple two-hour tale would, it seems, be shortchanging our expectations. There is a precedent. Gone With the Wind was, for its time, the longest American film made with sound - though 1939 moviegoers had it easy; the 238 minutes included a four-minute intermission. Still, the public who saw the first preview apparently begged for it not to be cut shorter. As the decades passed, South Pacific (1958), Ben-Hur (1959) and The Godfather (1972) all tickled the three-hour mark on their way to box-office success.
But then something rather interesting happened. The age of the blockbuster, which essentially began with Steven Spielberg's Jaws in 1975, ushered in films that administered a short, sharp, shock. Rocky, Star Wars, Grease, Moonraker, The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark and ET were the highest-grossing films for seven consecutive years between 1976 and 1982. None were more than 126 minutes. And perhaps that's why they've remained classics. This was pithy, edge-of-your-seat film-making with no added fat. CGI and 3D weren't such a big deal that directors had to fill their films with acres of them to look cool - at the expense of storytelling. No surprise, then, that by the time George Lucas got round to finishing off his Star Wars prequels years later, they had gone up in length by half an hour.
But CGI doesn't count as an issue for Sex and the City 2, whose bloated running time was widely berated by the critics. Perhaps every one of the 146 minutes wouldn't have been so noticeable if it had actually been funny, but SATC2 was incredibly boring. And that's the real crux here: length is only an issue when the film itself is flawed in some way. And for every King Kong - three hours of my life I'll never get back - there's There Will Be Blood. Lest we forget, this is a film that doesn't have any dialogue at all for the first 14 minutes, and yet every shot seems both crucial and thought-provoking.
Still, they've all got some way to go before Cinématon - the world's longest film at, wait, for it, 150 hours. That's six whole days. It took the director, Gérard Courant, 31 years to make. Let's hope Cameron doesn't start getting ideas...
Honeymoonish
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Tree of Hell
Starring: Raed Zeno, Hadi Awada, Dr Mohammad Abdalla
Director: Raed Zeno
Rating: 4/5
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
Company%20Profile
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Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Teams in the EHL
White Bears, Al Ain Theebs, Dubai Mighty Camels, Abu Dhabi Storms, Abu Dhabi Scorpions and Vipers
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World ranking (at month’s end)
Jan - 257
Feb - 198
Mar - 159
Apr - 161
May - 159
Jun – 162
Currently: 88
Year-end rank since turning pro
2016 - 279
2015 - 185
2014 - 143
2013 - 63
2012 - 384
2011 - 883
APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)
Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits
Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine
Storage: 128/256/512GB
Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4
Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps
Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID
Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight
In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter
Price: From Dh2,099
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Neil Thomson – THE BIO
Family: I am happily married to my wife Liz and we have two children together.
Favourite music: Rock music. I started at a young age due to my father’s influence. He played in an Indian rock band The Flintstones who were once asked by Apple Records to fly over to England to perform there.
Favourite book: I constantly find myself reading The Bible.
Favourite film: The Greatest Showman.
Favourite holiday destination: I love visiting Melbourne as I have family there and it’s a wonderful place. New York at Christmas is also magical.
Favourite food: I went to boarding school so I like any cuisine really.
65
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Joker: Folie a Deux
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: 2/5
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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MATCH DETAILS
Juventus 2 (Bonucci 36, Ronaldo 90 6)
Genoa 1 (Kouame 40)
Cricket World Cup League 2
UAE squad
Rahul Chopra (captain), Aayan Afzal Khan, Ali Naseer, Aryansh Sharma, Basil Hameed, Dhruv Parashar, Junaid Siddique, Muhammad Farooq, Muhammad Jawadullah, Muhammad Waseem, Omid Rahman, Rahul Bhatia, Tanish Suri, Vishnu Sukumaran, Vriitya Aravind
Fixtures
Friday, November 1 – Oman v UAE
Sunday, November 3 – UAE v Netherlands
Thursday, November 7 – UAE v Oman
Saturday, November 9 – Netherlands v UAE
The specs: 2018 Audi RS5
Price, base: Dh359,200
Engine: 2.9L twin-turbo V6
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 450hp at 5,700rpm
Torque: 600Nm at 1,900rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 8.7L / 100km
Company profile: buybackbazaar.com
Name: buybackbazaar.com
Started: January 2018
Founder(s): Pishu Ganglani and Ricky Husaini
Based: Dubai
Sector: FinTech, micro finance
Initial investment: $1 million
Company%20Profile
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
How the bonus system works
The two riders are among several riders in the UAE to receive the top payment of £10,000 under the Thank You Fund of £16 million (Dh80m), which was announced in conjunction with Deliveroo's £8 billion (Dh40bn) stock market listing earlier this year.
The £10,000 (Dh50,000) payment is made to those riders who have completed the highest number of orders in each market.
There are also riders who will receive payments of £1,000 (Dh5,000) and £500 (Dh2,500).
All riders who have worked with Deliveroo for at least one year and completed 2,000 orders will receive £200 (Dh1,000), the company said when it announced the scheme.
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Tips to avoid getting scammed
1) Beware of cheques presented late on Thursday
2) Visit an RTA centre to change registration only after receiving payment
3) Be aware of people asking to test drive the car alone
4) Try not to close the sale at night
5) Don't be rushed into a sale
6) Call 901 if you see any suspicious behaviour
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
Company%20Profile
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