Road test: 2014 Audi S8

Despite its bulk, the S8 is a speed monster. And with gorgeous interiors - quilted leather upholstery, delicate carbon trim and a spiffy infotainment screen - to boot.

The 2014 Audi S8. Courtesy Audi

Theoretically, cars such as the Audi S8 shouldn’t really work. A huge, luxurious barge with firepower to rival that of a contemporary supercar should be a rolling contradiction, a motoring oxymoron. Yet, despite its nonsensical approach to speed in an age when we’re more and more controlled by the authorities, it just seems to come together in a glorious manifestation of automotive irreverence.

Forgetting regions like our own for a moment, the S8 and its ilk will never be huge sellers but there’s sufficient demand for the super barge to make it a production reality and, Jaguar XJR and Merc S63 AMG aside, the S8 almost has the marketplace to itself. I haven’t driven either of those other two yet but I don’t need to in order to realise that the S8 is a very entertaining car, indeed. The model used to be fitted with a version of the V10 that Lamborghini used in its Gallardo but now it’s two cylinders and more than a litre smaller yet, with the help of twin turbochargers, the performance on tap is as bonkers as ever, even if the aural enjoyment from its exhausts is somewhat less than before.

Externally, it’s something of a sleeping lion – not particularly threatening, a bit ordinary perhaps. The slightly lower-than-­normal stance does help, as do the gorgeous alloys and the quad pipes but it’s not going to turn any heads and, to be honest, you don’t need to in a car such as this. Because, when you’re ensconced in its flawless cabin, you start to feel at peace with the world. There’s nothing for you to prove; you have made it big and who cares if nobody notices?

Seriously, everything about the S8’s interior is spot on. From the quilted leather upholstery to the subtle carbon trim, the beautifully designed dials set within the driver’s binnacle and the way the infotainment screen ejects itself from the dash and retracts again when not in use, it’s all just so and everything you run a finger along or prod feels exquisite. And despite its imposing exterior dimensions, the cabin still manages to feel snug and offer plenty of usable space at the same time.

My only gripe (and this has really hacked me off) is that there’s no USB port for me to charge my phone while on the move. Even Ford ­Fiestas come equipped with that but, after some digging around on the internet, I discover that Audi will sell (sell!) you an adaptor should you require one. In this day and age you should not have to buy an extra piece of kit such as this – these are now the basic requirements of ­motorists.

I’m in danger of becoming so annoyed about this that my enjoyment of what is otherwise an exemplary motor car is under threat. So, with a deep breath, I banish the negativity and get on the gas. At low speeds the V8 shuts down half its cylinders to conserve fuel and reduce emissions but the other four pots wake up and get to work the instant the throttle is given a squeeze. And when they do, the world becomes a blur and whoever is behind the wheel laughs out loud because the civility and serenity of an S8 at low and medium speeds is replaced by a maniacal induction roar while other traffic is dispatched in the blink of an eye. It’s addictive stuff… wholly inappropriate yet tremendous, guilty fun.

In the default suspension mode, hit a corner at speed and the S8 can’t disguise its mass but, with the car set up for more sporting progress (using the excellent rotary dial control on the centre console), extra stiffness can be liberated, meaning you can attack apexes at will. As hilarious as it would no doubt be, however, I doubt you’ll ever see one of these on a racetrack so is there any real point to its performance potential?

Obviously, if you drive one in Germany, you’ll have all manner of hedonistic fun on that country’s unrestricted autobahn routes. But here? Where there’s a speed camera practically every kilometre? Is there any way you can enjoy such a car without being viewed as an antisocial yob or criminal? I would argue that you can, because just knowing that all that power and pace are available should you ever require them is enough. Like owning a house with more bedrooms and bathrooms than you could ever use in daily life, the sense of well-being afforded by just having them can sometimes be the ultimate reward.

Unfortunately, these sorts of cars inevitably suffer huge depreciation within just months of them being driven from the showrooms. If you can cope with that financial hit, then good for you – the S8 could be all the car you’d ever desire. For the rest of us, a nearly new one will represent an absolute bargain. If you’ll excuse me, I need to start trawling those classifieds.

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