It took an advert by the feminine hygiene brand Always to show me the error of my ways. I had stumbled across the video on Facebook – where else? – and from it, learnt about the “self-esteem crisis” that Always believes every girl goes through once she hits puberty.
The video is seeking to redefine the traditionally insulting phrase “like a girl”. When older people in the ad are asked to “run like a girl” or “throw like a girl”, they do so awkwardly, clumsily and weakly, punctuating their movements by flipping their hair and flapping their hands. To say someone is doing something “like a girl” is to say, basically, that whatever is being done is being done badly.
The point is made that younger girls aren’t in on the joke. They take the phrase “like a girl” to simply mean “like themselves”, as they should, so when they are told to “run like a girl”, they sprint forward confidently and, when asked to “throw like a girl”, they give it their all, athletically and deliberately. As they should. Doing something “like a girl”, then, should be redefined to become a positive affirmation, a good thing, an awesome thing.
A few days ago, I made fun of a male friend who likes to indulge in long chats over the phone. I complained to Mr T that this friend of ours likes to gossip “just like a girl”. I was insulting myself and my entire gender without even noticing what I was saying, because the phrase was so entrenched in my subconscious.
What a terrible example for my growing daughter, who leaps and jumps and sprints and runs with confidence and with joy. Baby A amazes me with her balancing skills – she mastered the toddler scooter at 18 months, conquered her first flight of stairs in record time and she is never one to shy away from kicking a ball and pretending to score a goal. How horrible to think that this antiquated notion of girls having to sit primly on a chair and engage in pretend tea parties while boys get to climb trees and run races might hold her back from excelling in sports and doing so with confidence.
The opposite is true. Baby A and I are visiting my parents in Jordan and to while away the long hours before iftar, we have become regulars at the toddler play area in a busy mall in Amman. In it is a pretend home, complete with kitchen, washing machine, vacuum, dining room and bedroom, brimming with dolls. And just outside this play area is a bright pink sign: Girls Only. How disappointing to see gender stereotypes enforced in this day and age, considering that my husband, who is definitely not a girl, has a home complete with kitchen, washing machine, vacuum cleaner and so on, all of which he uses on a regular basis.
And how I would hate to have my daughter grow up repeating and believing in these stereotypes.
The advertisement video has since gone viral – it has been viewed more than 38 million times. I do understand that lady empowerment ads are all the rage right now – check out Dove’s and Pantene’s latest offerings. But for me, this isn’t about “girl power”. It’s simply a reminder of the power of words in parenting.
Mr T and I are the ones responsible for shaping Baby A’s perception of this world and her role in it. If I want her to be a strong and respectful woman, proud of herself and her abilities and confident enough to do anything she wants, then it’s up to me – and my choice of words.
Hala Khalaf is a freelance writer based in Abu Dhabi
artslife@thenational.ae
