Emmy Awards 2013: Groggy live blogging from a couch somewhere in Abu Dhabi

Okay, so I am out of bed. It's 4.01am, UAE time. Am I supposed to be flying somewhere? Oh right, the Emmy Awards. Hey OSN! You said it was starting now but my guide says 4.30! Like I needed to get up a half-hour earlier. Fine, I'll take in a bit of the E! Red Carpet pre-show broadcast, which actually started a full three hours ago. Nothing like beginning your day with continuous cringing!

Hands-down red carpet highlight

Girls' star Zosia Mamet's interview with co-host Giuliana Rancic: What is the bleeped word in her anecdote about an old lady approaching her on the subway, bent on spilling a too-private story? It was enough to make Rancic blush and correspondents Kelly Osbourne and Ross Mathews kill themselves laughing.

Ah, sweet: Eric Stonestreet on the red carpet, telling Ryan Seacrest about landing his Emmy-winning role on Modern Family: "It meant security, it meant stability, it meant I was able to make masses of people laugh."

Not a fan of Heidi Klum's pomegranate Versace number. Too neck-bracey.

Hands-down low point: E!'s new "mani cam" - a scaled-down 'red carpet' where female stars pose their hands. Rancic bravely promotes the initiative - "so many stars, so many manis" - but I can't help wondering how many more ways the fashion, beauty and jewellery can get free ads from these awards shows. Lots apparently.

And now for the show:

First inside baseball moment: Host Neil Patrick Harris, in a pretty lame opening sequence, reacts to a clip of Howard Stern harshly judging someone on America's Got Talent by saying quietly: "Booo. Baba boo". Fans of Stern's satellite radio show will be delighted at the reference to his long-time executive producer Gary Dell'Abate (aka BabaBooey). Stern fans love shouting "BabaBooey" wherever they spot a television camera.

Cutest date: Alec Baldwin with his stunner teenage daughter Ireland.

Cool jokes reflecting the strange times we live in: Harris - "As a matter of fact, right now I am actually watching an episode of American Horror Story Asylum on my contact lenses."  Conan O'Brien on his past hosting gig - "It was two-thousand "ought" two."

Most supportive heckler: Jimmy Kimmel, last year's host. "Really, really like the tone you're setting! Big thumbs up from everyone in our row!' The segment eventually sees former hosts Kimmel, Jane Lynch, Jimmy Fallon and Conan O'Brien gather on stage, with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (last year's hosts and the first presenters) eating popcorn and piping in from the front row. "Take your pants off!" Poehler shouts.

Love the stage approach: Fey and Poehler crawling up the stairs, either pretending to have had too much to drink or mocking constrictive Emmy dresses.

Best hair: Nashville star Connie Britton. Always.

Best supporting actress: I was just thinking something along the lines of "too bad long-shot Merritt Wever won't win for her portrayal of a quirky ER nurse on Nurse Jackie", when they announce her name. Apparently she is also unprepared, because when she gets to the microphone, she smiles and appears ready to launch into a speech before blurting out "Thanks so much. I gotta go. Bye." Harris responds with "Merritt Wever, best speech ever".

Best accepting duo: Tina Fey and Tracy Wigfield, winners of outstanding writing in a comedy series (for Last Lunch, a Lord of The Flies-type episode on 30 Rock). Wigfield: "This is for my parents, I know you are disappointed because you love Louie." Fey: "No one said you could talk, Tracy."

That's one overdue first-time Emmy. Love Tony Hale, who has been so awesome on Veep and steals it on the Netflix season of Arrested Development. Go Buster Bluth! Also love his shoutout to the Young Actor's Theatre in his hometown of Tallahassee, Florida.

Let's just take a moment. Oh my. Jon Hamm's beard.

Tony Hale, left, looks on as Julia Louis-Dreyfus accepts the award for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series for her role on Veep. AP

"Yay Veep!" You know when you love a show and you are rooting for it? Armando Iannucci's Veep is truly a joy to watch and it is cleaning up! Julia Louis-Dreyfus wins for best lead actress in a comedy series. Hilarious how Hale stands behind her and whispers in her ear, mimicking his obsequious PA on the show. Well done to the shot of Anna Chlumsky, who earlier lost best supporting actress to Wever, with her nose in her Blackberry just like her TV character. But it sort of feels like they all knew they were winning. They don't - do they?

Someone got dressed in the dark. Melissa Leo, who earlier won guest actor in a comedy series for Louie. What is she wearing? Tin-foil trousers it looks like.

Huh? Gail Mancuso wins for best comedy directing (Modern Family) and the announcer explains it's only the second time a woman has won this award. Boo. Baba boo.

That gawky guy from The Big Bang Theory just won, and he's pretty choked up about it.

Where's my hankie? Rob Reiner, in his tribute to the late actress Jean Stapleton, echoing Archie Bunker's line when he lost his TV wife Edith: "You had no right to leave me that way before I had a chance to say how much I loved you." Remembering All in the Family makes me feel nostalgic for the 70s. Also a bit old.

Why is Elton John on this show?

Laura Linney wins for her portrayal of a terminal cancer patient on The Big C. Except now it's a miniseries and it's called The Big C: Hereafter? Um, spoiler much? Wow, I am waaaay behind on my TV. She's not even there to get it. Matt Damon explains: "She's such a great actress she didn't have to be here."

The Ryan Seacrest Centre for Excessive Hosting, as promoted in a bit by the stars of How I Met Your Mother. Meh.

I love how Breaking Bad is so good it's nominated for 2 episodes for outstanding writing in a drama series. Aw, Henry Bromell wins for Homeland but he died earlier this year at the age of 65 and his wife is accepting it for him.

Yay! Anna Gunn wins for Breaking Bad. She deserves it. Take that, Skyler haters! Wait, why am I not watching Breaking Bad? THERE ARE ONLY 2 EPISODES LEFT!

Glee star Jane Lynch keeps it together for her Cory Monteith tribute. "Cory was a beautiful soul. He was not perfect, as many of us here can relate to."

Bobby Cannavale accepts the award for outstanding supporting actor in a drama series for his role on Boardwalk Empire.

Huge win for Bobby Cannavale, who takes best supporting actor in a drama for Boardwalk Empire over heavyweights like Mandy Patinkin for Homeland and Aaron Paul for Breaking Bad. He has a son in college? Anyone remember when he was on Sex and the City? Classic.

WHOA! More upsets. Jeff Daniels wins for best actor in a drama for The Newsroom. "Well crap," he said. "I didn't expect to win this." He tells a funny story about being nominated for an AARP (over-50) award. "This is better."

Carrie Underwood's rendition of Yesterday underwhelms.

Claire Danes picks up another Emmy for Homeland and pays tribute to the show's late writer Henry Bromell. She thanks her husband Hugh Dancy for keeping her balanced and happy at home so she could go to work and "be so unhappy in make believe". In petty observations, there is not enough fabric on her dress and her new haircut looks a bit like a helmet. Google tells me other people are calling it "dramatic". Sadly, history is not made for Kerry Washington, who was nominated for Scandal.

HANK IS ALIVE! Breaking Bad's Dean Norris presents outstanding best actor in a drama series alongside that dragon lady from Game of Thrones. 

Nice standing ovation for the 84-year-old actor Bob Newhart, who won his first Emmy Award last week for a guest appearance on The Big Bang Theory (51 years after he was first nominated for The Bob Newhart Show).

Love the funny taped segments introducing writer awards; love Oprah's Oprah-esque introduction of her writers. And love Stephen Colbert, host of winner The Colbert Report, when he's being serious, though he can never stay that way for long. "Love my wife Evie, for being so cruel and sexy."

It sounds like it would be terrible and hokey but it was awesome and everyone seemed to love it, even if it's sort of hard to explain. The nominees for outstanding choreography are chosen to create dance routines to introduce all the shows nominated for best comedy and drama - and for the first time, the award is presented on-air. Derek Hough from Dancing With the Stars won. Who doesn't love a good dance number? YouTube it. It just works. Trust me.

The Colbert Report is cleaning up and just won for variety show. Colbert loves playing "a professional idiot". Cute shout-out to his mom (she died earlier this year, prompting Colbert to make a rare break in his character for a moving tribute to her on his show): "I want to thank my mom for not worrying about me, for believing I'd be ok."

Edie Falco tears up as she remembers James Gandolfini, who was no Tony Soprano in real life. "I'm here to tell you Jim was really quite different…if you needed anything at all, ever, Jim was there before you asked…it's Jim the man, the real man, who I will miss most of all." Is this an inappropriate time to say I think she looks amazing and her dress is one of the best I've seen? Probably.

Okay, we're at the 2.5 hour mark. The sun's up and it's time for coffee. I am beginning to think this show will never end. Oh, Neil Patrick Harris is back: "This just in: no one is winning their office Emmy pool. Surprises galore."

Worst pairing of colours by presenters: Anna Faris in bright yellow and Alison Janney in magenta.

I had been enjoying the round-up tributes to actors and industry professionals who died in the past year (also known as all the others who didn't rate a special tribute earlier in the show) when OSN rudely cut in for ads.

After at least four exhaustive previews of Flight, which premieres this weekend on OSN, I now feel I have seen the film in its entirety. Angry fist in the air to OSN! Boo. Baba...

Most all-encompassing thank-you speech: In accepting a best actor award for his turn in the Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra, Michael Douglas (who has had a lot of practice over the years) manages to make co-star Matt Damon laugh and squirm with his "two-hander" reference, thank estranged wife Catherine Zeta Jones, name-check his two younger kids and shout out to his incarcerated older son Cameron while using the platform to make a public plea (to who? the warden? the governor?) to be allowed to visit him in prison soon. He wraps it all up with a quick tip of his trophy to the flamboyant "Lee".

Will Ferrell cracks everyone up by appearing in grubby T-shirt and shorts, unshaven, accompanied by three boys who probably weren't his children, to play the role of beleaguered parent as he presents outstanding comedy series. Modern Family wins again.

And after three hours and 10 minutes, Breaking Bad takes outstanding drama. How could it not, really? The show is pure genius. Now WHAT HAPPENS TO WALT?