Ask Ali: What to do when meeting Emirati in-laws

Ali Al Saloom on meeting Emirati inlaws and subcultures in the UAE.

Dear Ali: My fiancé, who is an Emirati, is taking me to meet his parents. I am so afraid. Can you give me any tips? YS, Sharjah

Dear YS: Mabrook, congratulations and don't you worry, I am sure your future husband has arranged everything in the best way.

He is already your fiancé, which means his family know about you, but here are a few tips that I hope could help you.

Trust him and listen to what he tells you to do; after all, he knows his family better than anyone else. Ask him details about his family, and try to remember his parents’ names and those of other family members who may be there. It is also good to ask him what you should call them.

Think about your attire, dress decently and within the cultural norms, and when greeting them kiss his parents on their heads – while you don’t have to do this, it’s positive sign of respect.

Sisters, aunts or cousins could be greeted by kissing them two to four times on the cheek – one or both sides – or just give them a handshake and slight hug, while greet the men verbally by saying “assalamu alaykum”.

Be polite and don’t forget to praise the parents for making their son such a fine gentleman. If his mother asks you what you would like to drink, offer your help and go with her to the kitchen. If you will be asked to tell her about yourself, be honest. Just don’t tell all your wonderful crazy stories right away: give some background about you and your country, and the things that made you love the eastern culture and the UAE.

If you dine in his house, comment on how delicious the food is. Don’t forget to express your thankfulness for their generous hospitality.

Meeting your fiance’s parents, whether they are Emirati or any other nationality, should not be a fearful occasion, but meeting your potential Emirati family-in-law probably requires an understanding of our basic cultural values and demonstrating its acceptance.

Dear Ali: I understand that every country has cultural differences. There are many in my country who try to stand out by expressing themselves by wearing different clothes and having an alternative look and lifestyle. I wonder if you also have such kinds of subcultures in the UAE? RO, Germany

Dear RO: The Emirati culture is diverse. The culture of the nomads, for example, differs from that of the settled tribes and city lifestyle. You can see different styles of dress, traditions and even some dialects; however, similar values unite us and the differences enrich our culture. In this time of open borders, internet and modernism, it is essential for us to preserve our own culture. So we teach our children how to behave according to the norms because they represent themselves first, then family, then their people and finally the country, which to many of us is most important. If someone wants to be different in a way that is against our core values, especially those of modesty or those that go against our country, this would not be accepted. If people really cared about their image and their family’s reputation, then they would avoid wrong behaviour, especially in public, and care more about making their parents proud. Apart from our social codes, we often follow our religious beliefs that teach us what is right and wrong.

Basically, everyone can express themselves in different ways, but national values should not be ignored.

Ali Al Saloom is a cultural adviser and public speaker from the UAE. Follow @AskAli on Twitter, and visit www.ask-ali.com to ask him a question and to find his guidebooks to the UAE, for Dh50.