J J Abrams has a lot on his plate. Star Wars fans are notoriously hard to please and – as the reaction to creator George Lucas's prequel trilogy proved – they can be scathing when they feel a filmmaker has let them down.
Therefore Abrams had his work cut out to keep the legions happy with Episode VII – The Force Awakens.
We will soon have the chance to see how well he succeeded – the regional debut of the film, part of which was filmed in the Abu Dhabi desert, is tomorrow night at Emirates Palace, and it goes on general release here on Thursday.
It’s too late to change anything now, of course, but there are five things we reckon he really has to to get right to avoid causing a disturbance in the Force.
The aliens
Star Wars is famous for many things, not the least of which is its aliens: the loveable, but deadly, Wookie Chewbacca; the brilliantly freakish Cantina band; Admiral Akbar, who knows a trap when he sees one; the mighty Yoda; and many, many more (though the less said about Jar Jar Binks, the better).
Images leaked from the Abu Dhabi set last year – including Simon Pegg suited up in full alien attire – suggest there’ll be plenty of aliens, old and new, in the new movie.
So lets have lots of extraterrestrials, please. Ugly ones, tiny ones, big ones, freaky ones, Cantina-band ones. We’d love to see all the aliens J J can throw at us – but, just to reiterate, please J J, he may share your initials but no Jar Jar Binks.
The mysticism
By mysticism, we mean the Force. In the original trilogy, the Force was a mysterious, magical thing. It could be used for good or evil. It was bestowed randomly upon its recipients – albeit that there seems to be some sort of genetic predisposition that meant that it could run in a family (as with Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader and his son, Luke).
In the prequel trilogy, the Force became some sort of twisted eugenics metaphor involving ‘midi-chlorians’, a strange microscopic organism that resides within all living cells and communicates with the Force.
You can’t define the Force in terms of pseudoscientific midi-chlorians, JJ, it’s bigger than that. So lets have the old, unexplained, mysterious Force back, please.
The lightsabers
Here's one we already know Abrams seems to have got right. Lightsabers are quite possibly the coolest thing about Star Wars. I remember the hairs on the back of my 6-year-old neck standing up when Darth Vader and Obi Wan Kenobi lit theirs up for their duel to the death in the first movie.
If there was one positive thing to come out of the prequel trilogy, it was surely Darth Maul’s double-bladed version. Even as a 20-something, it had me far more excited that is justifiable.
The Force Awakens now gives us Kylo Ren and his red, crossbarred version. Luke and Vader's old weapons appear set to play key roles in the plot, too. I'm giving you the points for this one in advance, J J. You seem to have got it spot on the lightsabers.
The droids
The robotic characters are some of the best and most beloved in the Star Wars saga.
R2-D2 in particular struck a chord with fans that has never been replicated on screen by any non-speaking, non-human cast member.
We know R2 and his equally adored buddy C-3P0 are back for the new movie – but what about the new droids?
The football-shaped BB-8 looks set to play a major role in the next movie – and certainly looks pretty cool. If the internet is to be believed, he may even have a slightly dark, untrustworthy side – a new twist, compared with the loyalty and obedience of Threepio and the reliability and bravery of Artoo.
Whether this is true remains to be seen – just don’t let BB-8 turn out to be another Jar Jar Binks, OK?
The dark side
Sorry to end on a downer but, at its best, Star Wars has never shied away from portraying the more unpleasant, brutal side of the characters' lives – and deaths – with plenty of cinematic flair.
Classic examples include Darth Vader’s death grip, Bobba Fett’s plunge into the Sarlacc Pit, and Luke Skywalker losing his hand in a lightsaber duel with his father (the family connection unrevealed to the audience until that point).
Disney has taken over the franchise from Lucas, now – let's hope we don't see any sanitisation of Star Wars' epic death scenes and battle scars.
There have been persistent rumours that Han Solo will die in the new film – if that is true, his death scene should be nothing short of unmatchable cinematic genius – and a new Oscar should be created for Best Death of a Much-Loved Character from Four Decades of Popular Culture.
cnewbould@thenational.ae
