Anyone familiar with High Fidelity by Nick Hornby will know compiling lists can be painful. In this case, it was an effort to weed out all the embarrassing stuff I've read. And consider what that might be like, since a lot of what's listed here doesn't exactly show a towering intellect.
A House For Mr Biswas by VS Naipaul (1961)
This is the story of a man who struggles to free himself from the entanglements of family, custom and convention. If that sounds heavy, bear in mind the individual in question, Mohun Biswas, is funny, resourceful and quarrelsome, veering at times into almost Basil Fawlty-esque behaviour. My UK home turf in darkest Hampshire couldn’t have been more different to Mohun’s Port-of-Spain in Trinidad & Tobago, but our relatives sound equally alarming.
Down With Skool by Geoffrey Willans and Ronald Searle (1953)
Nigel Molesworth relates life at a cheap boarding school, penned with enough spelling mistakes and grammatical howlers to make the most tolerant teacher take up skydiving without a parachute. Disgraceful. I laughed until I cried. My mum found my copy and called the library to complain about minors being allowed access to it owing to the potentially ruinous effect on literacy and attitudes to education. She may have had a point.
The Truth About Lorin Jones by Alison Lurie (1988)
Polly Alter is writing a biography of deceased artist Lorin Jones, but her research just seems to uncover one riddle after another. Meanwhile, Polly’s own life spirals out of control in a way that seems to echo her subject’s existence. A review of this book indicated you’d look at yourself and your friends more carefully after finishing it. Quite. Mulder and Scully might believe the truth is out there, but Polly may well disagree.
Carrion Comfort by Dan Simmons (1989)
The concept of this horror tale has plenty of life (or death) in it. A group of people have the ability to force others to commit actions through mental agility alone. It goes pear-shaped fast and the body count skyrockets from the off – don’t read this if you find Wallace and Gromit a bit hairy. Aged 17, I realised I didn’t have this power of persuasion. Nothing on Earth was going to cajole my dad into buying a sports car for me to use at the weekend.
Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis (1954)
Anyone who sees The Inbetweeners as more a documentary of their own formative years than a fictional comedy will be happy to catch up with dysfunctional university lecturer Jim Dixon, who seems to be a 1950s version of each of the four hapless screen teens combined. I once knew a teacher who experienced similar problems to Jim. Quite how neither of them got sacked is still one of life’s great mysteries.
Simon Wilgress-Pipe is home page editor for The National
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Read more:
My favourite reads: Kelsey Warner
My favourite reads: Chris Maxwell
My favourite reads: Michael Barnard
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The finalists
Player of the Century, 2001-2020: Cristiano Ronaldo (Juventus), Lionel Messi (Barcelona), Mohamed Salah (Liverpool), Ronaldinho
Coach of the Century, 2001-2020: Pep Guardiola (Manchester City), Jose Mourinho (Tottenham Hotspur), Zinedine Zidane (Real Madrid), Sir Alex Ferguson
Club of the Century, 2001-2020: Al Ahly (Egypt), Bayern Munich (Germany), Barcelona (Spain), Real Madrid (Spain)
Player of the Year: Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Robert Lewandowski (Bayern Munich)
Club of the Year: Bayern Munich, Liverpool, Real Madrid
Coach of the Year: Gian Piero Gasperini (Atalanta), Hans-Dieter Flick (Bayern Munich), Jurgen Klopp (Liverpool)
Agent of the Century, 2001-2020: Giovanni Branchini, Jorge Mendes, Mino Raiola
Some of Darwish's last words
"They see their tomorrows slipping out of their reach. And though it seems to them that everything outside this reality is heaven, yet they do not want to go to that heaven. They stay, because they are afflicted with hope." - Mahmoud Darwish, to attendees of the Palestine Festival of Literature, 2008
His life in brief: Born in a village near Galilee, he lived in exile for most of his life and started writing poetry after high school. He was arrested several times by Israel for what were deemed to be inciteful poems. Most of his work focused on the love and yearning for his homeland, and he was regarded the Palestinian poet of resistance. Over the course of his life, he published more than 30 poetry collections and books of prose, with his work translated into more than 20 languages. Many of his poems were set to music by Arab composers, most significantly Marcel Khalife. Darwish died on August 9, 2008 after undergoing heart surgery in the United States. He was later buried in Ramallah where a shrine was erected in his honour.
Moon Music
Artist: Coldplay
Label: Parlophone/Atlantic
Number of tracks: 10
Rating: 3/5
The specs
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The specs
The specs
Engine: Direct injection 4-cylinder 1.4-litre
Power: 150hp
Torque: 250Nm
Price: From Dh139,000
On sale: Now
Kareem Shaheen on Canada
SPECS
Engine: Two-litre four-cylinder turbo
Power: 235hp
Torque: 350Nm
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Price: From Dh167,500 ($45,000)
On sale: Now
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At a glance
- 20,000 new jobs for Emiratis over three years
- Dh300 million set aside to train 18,000 jobseekers in new skills
- Managerial jobs in government restricted to Emiratis
- Emiratis to get priority for 160 types of job in private sector
- Portion of VAT revenues will fund more graduate programmes
- 8,000 Emirati graduates to do 6-12 month replacements in public or private sector on a Dh10,000 monthly wage - 40 per cent of which will be paid by government
'The worst thing you can eat'
Trans fat is typically found in fried and baked goods, but you may be consuming more than you think.
Powdered coffee creamer, microwave popcorn and virtually anything processed with a crust is likely to contain it, as this guide from Mayo Clinic outlines:
Baked goods - Most cakes, cookies, pie crusts and crackers contain shortening, which is usually made from partially hydrogenated vegetable oil. Ready-made frosting is another source of trans fat.
Snacks - Potato, corn and tortilla chips often contain trans fat. And while popcorn can be a healthy snack, many types of packaged or microwave popcorn use trans fat to help cook or flavour the popcorn.
Fried food - Foods that require deep frying — french fries, doughnuts and fried chicken — can contain trans fat from the oil used in the cooking process.
Refrigerator dough - Products such as canned biscuits and cinnamon rolls often contain trans fat, as do frozen pizza crusts.
Creamer and margarine - Nondairy coffee creamer and stick margarines also may contain partially hydrogenated vegetable oils.
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The biog
Favourite book: You Are the Placebo – Making your mind matter, by Dr Joe Dispenza
Hobby: Running and watching Welsh rugby
Travel destination: Cyprus in the summer
Life goals: To be an aspirational and passionate University educator, enjoy life, be healthy and be the best dad possible.
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While you're here
Cheryl Thompson: Stop the practice of blackface that's as Canadian as hockey
Kareem Shaheen: Alghabra outshines the racists who malign him
Kareem Shaheen: In Canada, I have finally found a home
If you go
The flights
There are various ways of getting to the southern Serengeti in Tanzania from the UAE. The exact route and airstrip depends on your overall trip itinerary and which camp you’re staying at.
Flydubai flies direct from Dubai to Kilimanjaro International Airport from Dh1,350 return, including taxes; this can be followed by a short flight from Kilimanjaro to the Serengeti with Coastal Aviation from about US$700 (Dh2,500) return, including taxes. Kenya Airways, Emirates and Etihad offer flights via Nairobi or Dar es Salaam.
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Joker: Folie a Deux
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson
Director: Todd Phillips
Rating: 2/5
EMERGENCY PHONE NUMBERS
Estijaba – 8001717 – number to call to request coronavirus testing
Ministry of Health and Prevention – 80011111
Dubai Health Authority – 800342 – The number to book a free video or voice consultation with a doctor or connect to a local health centre
Emirates airline – 600555555
Etihad Airways – 600555666
Ambulance – 998
Knowledge and Human Development Authority – 8005432 ext. 4 for Covid-19 queries
Tips for job-seekers
- Do not submit your application through the Easy Apply button on LinkedIn. Employers receive between 600 and 800 replies for each job advert on the platform. If you are the right fit for a job, connect to a relevant person in the company on LinkedIn and send them a direct message.
- Make sure you are an exact fit for the job advertised. If you are an HR manager with five years’ experience in retail and the job requires a similar candidate with five years’ experience in consumer, you should apply. But if you have no experience in HR, do not apply for the job.
David Mackenzie, founder of recruitment agency Mackenzie Jones Middle East
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The specs
Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now
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Killing of Qassem Suleimani
National Editorial: Suleimani has been killed, now we must de-escalate
Mina Al Oraibi: Air strike casts a long shadow over the decade ahead
Jack Moore: Why the assassination is such a monumental gamble
Matthew Levitt: Iran retains its ability to launch terror attacks
Hussein Ibish: Trump's order on solid constitutional ground
Simon Waldman: Cautious Israel keeping a low profile
More coverage from the Future Forum
• Remittance charges will be tackled by blockchain
• UAE's monumental and risky Mars Mission to inspire future generations, says minister
• Could the UAE drive India's economy?
• News has a bright future and the UAE is at the heart of it
• Architecture is over - here's cybertecture
• The National announces Future of News journalism competition
• Round up: Experts share their visions of the world to come
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Herc's Adventures
Developer: Big Ape Productions
Publisher: LucasArts
Console: PlayStation 1 & 5, Sega Saturn
Rating: 4/5
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South Africa v India schedule
Tests: 1st Test Jan 5-9, Cape Town; 2nd Test Jan 13-17, Centurion; 3rd Test Jan 24-28, Johannesburg
ODIs: 1st ODI Feb 1, Durban; 2nd ODI Feb 4, Centurion; 3rd ODI Feb 7, Cape Town; 4th ODI Feb 10, Johannesburg; 5th ODI Feb 13, Port Elizabeth; 6th ODI Feb 16, Centurion
T20Is: 1st T20I Feb 18, Johannesburg; 2nd T20I Feb 21, Centurion; 3rd T20I Feb 24, Cape Town
How to become a Boglehead
Bogleheads follow simple investing philosophies to build their wealth and live better lives. Just follow these steps.
• Spend less than you earn and save the rest. You can do this by earning more, or being frugal. Better still, do both.
• Invest early, invest often. It takes time to grow your wealth on the stock market. The sooner you begin, the better.
• Choose the right level of risk. Don't gamble by investing in get-rich-quick schemes or high-risk plays. Don't play it too safe, either, by leaving long-term savings in cash.
• Diversify. Do not keep all your eggs in one basket. Spread your money between different companies, sectors, markets and asset classes such as bonds and property.
• Keep charges low. The biggest drag on investment performance is all the charges you pay to advisers and active fund managers.
• Keep it simple. Complexity is your enemy. You can build a balanced, diversified portfolio with just a handful of ETFs.
• Forget timing the market. Nobody knows where share prices will go next, so don't try to second-guess them.
• Stick with it. Do not sell up in a market crash. Use the opportunity to invest more at the lower price.
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MEYDAN RESULTS
6.30pm Baniyas (PA) Group 2 Dh125,000 (Dirt) 1,400m
Winner ES Ajeeb, Sam Hitchcock (jockey), Ibrahim Aseel (trainer).
7.05pm Maiden (TB) Dh165,000 (D) 1,200m
Winner Galaxy Road, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi.
7.40pm Maiden (TB) Dh165,000 (D) 1,400m
Winner Al Modayar, Fernando Jara, Ali Rashid Al Raihe.
8.15pm Handicap (TB) Dh170,000 (D) 1,900m
Winner Gundogdu, Xavier Ziani, Salem bin Ghadayer.
8.50pm Rated Conditions (TB) Dh240,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner George Villiers, Tadhg O’Shea, Satish Seemar.
9.25pm Handicap (TB) Dh175,000 (D)1,200m
Winner Lady Parma, Connor Beasley, Satish Seemar
10pm Handicap (TB) Dh165,000 (D) 1,400m
Winner Zaajer, Fernando Jara, Ali Rashid Al Raihe