'What should I do, they are not letting me through!" This is what a Syrian friend of mine said over the telephone after reaching the Syria-Lebanon border early Wednesday morning from Damascus.
As hundreds of thousands of Syrians have been pouring into Lebanon over the past two and half years, the Lebanese authorities have started asking for security clearance for many of the Syrian males travelling to the country in a bid to organise the influx. Given the latest security crisis and bombings in Lebanon, who can blame them for trying to have a better control of the incoming crowds.
There were already hundreds of families waiting to be let in at the borders as news spread of an imminent military strike on Syria over the weekend. Some fleeing people gathered in the "nomad" part, the land between Syria and Lebanon where some, according to witnesses, have set up tents and have been living since the conflict started.
There are forgotten people between the borders living in horrible conditions. They are from different ethnicities and with different stories, but many now call them Gypsies. Syrians now join them in uncertainty.
My 21-year-old friend had already risked being taken by the Syrian army although, by law, he should not be drafted as he is the only male among his siblings. But there are no rules in war, and Syria is entering a new phase in its bloody chapter.
My friend had paid the taxi more than $500 (Dh1,840) to take him to the border. This is reminiscent of the time during the 2006 Israeli war on Lebanon, when Lebanese nationals and visitors would end up paying an arm and a leg to get out of Lebanon.
Directions of the human flow may have changed but the panic and fear are the same.
Frantic, confused and worried is how almost everyone living in Syria feels now. Those living in the capital and near military sites are evacuating their homes to safer grounds. Some Syrian families I know will be moving into their basements which they have started filling with canned food, medicine, blankets and whatever they can find. Supplies are already low and prices are "crazy mad", leaving many people scrambling for whatever they can afford or even find. Some have had their Lebanese relatives smuggle small generators into Syria, in preparation for worse times.
Russia has already sent military flights to evacuate all its citizens, and those with any contacts in high places are using their influence to get out of Syria with whatever they can carry. I know of one family who has called everyone they know in Lebanon and Turkey to get a safe passage. But what does that really mean today, given the dangers on the roads from armed men and gangs? Syrians both inside the country and abroad are watching in horror as news unfolds about where and how the strikes are going to happen. There is so much speculation and talk, leaving everyone panicking and unsure of what is to come. I called one of the oldest relatives I have there, and hearing tanks fire in the background and then gun shots as I talked to her, it felt surreal and sad.
"I have been through so many wars, they all make the same sounds," said my grandmother, who is in her 80s.
What can one say to someone who is living under fire and has lost so much over the decades and that even when they think they can retire in peace, war comes again? As I urged her to pack up and leave, my grandmother asked me this: "How does one pack up their home?"
It is a good question and one that almost every Syrian is asking. I don't blame people for staying home as long as they can. The plight of the refugees as they live away from home in tents and are sinking into further poverty and misery is deepening. There truly can be no place like home and it is not a matter of a roof and bricks but of memories attached to a home.
My grandmother is from a generation of Arabs who have lost several homes in their lifetime. To lose one again as one is old is unbearable.
As Syria prepares for uncertainty and further destabilisation, I hope people are kinder and understanding of those fleeing for their lives and try to help them as much as they can.
On Twitter @arabianmau
