Pandemic sparks rise in parental burnout as distance learning and lack of support networks take toll

Mother-of-three, Clara Cloché, says she suffered from parental burnout last year. Here she is pictured with two of her three children, seven-year-old Lea, left, and Noah, 6. Photos by Antonie Robertson / The National

Ms Cloché says it was hard trying to juggle her work as a project manager with homeschooling three children under the age of 10.

Parental burnout is a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.

A recent study conducted by more than 100 scientists in 42 countries concluded that western countries were most affected by parental burnout due to the individualistic culture of people in the region.

Experts say many parents in the UAE have complained of disrupted sleep and more stress during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Juggling remote working, distance learning and childcare has proved to be no easy task in the pandemic, with many parents suffering from emotional and physical stress.

Over the past year, working parents in particular have been at risk of parental burnout – a state of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion.

The condition leaves people feeling chronically fatigued and can often lead to sleep and concentration problems and, in some cases, long-term mental health disorders.

To add to the burden, mothers and fathers are also adjusting – and struggling – with a lack of support systems.

The option to turn to relatives, friends and schools for help is no longer available, as many have been off-limits for months due to closures and social distancing.

I couldn't sleep very well because I was always trying to figure out how to homeschool right

Dubai resident Clara Cloché, 41, said she felt burnt out last year while trying to homeschool three children under the age of 10.

"One feeling that I felt more than any other was that I became quite distant," she told The National.

“I’m usually really hands on with my children but at that time I just wanted to shut myself off.

“It wasn’t just a case of going into another room to be alone, I even noticed while trying to do school work with my children, I’d just zone out and be distant.”

A recent study, published in Affective Science Journal, showed how cultural, rather than socio-economic factors, play a predominant role in parental burnout.

More than 100 scientists in 42 countries concluded that western countries were most affected by parental burnout due to the “individualistic culture” of people in the region.

Push for perfection piles on pressures

“Our individualistic countries cultivate a cult of performance and perfectionism,” said Prof Isabelle Roskam, co-author of the study.

“Parenthood in these countries is a very solitary activity, unlike in African countries, for example, where the entire village is involved in raising children.”

Working as a project manager, Ms Cloché, from Sweden, said so many people from her culture feel the need to “manage all on our own”, which made it more likely for things to "become too much".

Ms Cloché said striving for perfection creates unrealistic expectations. Antonie Robertson / The National

“It was super hard and I was constantly having a bad conscience,” she said.

“I couldn’t sleep very well because I was always trying to figure out how to homeschool right.

“I soon realised I couldn’t be an engaged employee, mother, teacher and wife so I took a step back and just did what I could manage.

“In the end, if we got through a day where one of my children didn’t cry, that was a success.”

Home schooling a headache for parents

For mother-of-two Bernadette Ann, 53, parental burnout began during the early months of the coronavirus outbreak last year.

“My children are a bit older, 12 and 14, so I thought home schooling while working would be manageable,” she said.

“I soon realised how wrong I was."

Her youngest child had constant questions, because she was navigating something brand new, and a lot of the time the mother couldn’t answer.

“I felt guilty not being able to help, then at work my moods were decidedly different, I was snappy and quiet,” she said.

Working as a nurse practitioner, the days all seemed to roll into one, and by the weekend, Ms Ann said she had no enthusiasm to do family activities.

“That was an emotional time because I felt like I just couldn’t engage with my own family,” she said.

“I would lay in bed later than normal just for the peace and quiet.

“Speaking to other parents and hearing them feel the same made me feel a bit better and slowly but surely I started to bounce back.

“It was a really tough time.”

Tanya Dharamshi, clinical director at Priory Wellbeing Centre in Dubai. Courtesy: Priory Wellbeing Centre

Tanya Dharamshi, clinical director and counselling psychologist at Priory Wellbeing Centre, Dubai said her clinic had seen an "influx of parents with Covid-19 burnout".

“They are typically balancing work with family, as well as running a home and trying to keep everything afloat, which can take its toll emotionally," she said.

“Married couples may find that their partners are often working long hours and the quality time they once had to air concerns and effectively solve problems also becomes drained, leaving them feeling burdened and isolated.”

Ms Dharamshi said many parents have complained of feeling like they are constantly switched to ‘on’ mode, and as a result have reported a number of symptoms.

Longer hours have led to irregular and disrupted sleep patterns, a poor diet often filled with carbohydrates and sugar, less exercise, more stress, and an overwhelming feeling of constantly having to prove themselves.

“For those still working from home, the boundaries between work and home lives become blurred,” she said.

"Many are now going above and beyond and working even harder than normal to demonstrate their value to their bosses as the worldwide economy struggles.

“It is the combination of all of these factors that can cause a feeling of being out of control and of not being able to cope."

She said psychological issues such as anxiety and depression can become apparent after just a few weeks, however, the longer the situation continues, the worse the symptoms will develop and the longer it will take to recover.

Adek inspectors review Covid-19 safety measures at a private school in Abu Dhabi. Adek

Adek inspectors review Covid-19 safety measures at a private school in Abu Dhabi. Adek

Adek inspectors review Covid-19 safety measures at a private school in Abu Dhabi. Adek

An Abu Dhabi private education staff member prepares to receive the Covid-19 vaccine during a drive organised by Adek. Courtesy: Abu Dhabi Department of Education and Knowledge

Abu Dhabi private school staff wait to be vaccinated against Covid-19 as part of a drive organised by Adek. Courtesy: Abu Dhabi Department of Education and Knowledge

An Abu Dhabi private education staff member has her blood pressure checked before receiving the Covid-19 vaccine. Courtesy: Abu Dhabi Department of Education and Knowledge

Pupils were cheered all the way to class at British School Al Khubairat after the returning to school. Victor Besa / The National

Pupils return to school on Sunday at British School Al Khubairat. Victor Besa / The National

Pupils return to school on Sunday at British School Al Khubairat. Security keep a watchful eye on the thermal monitors at the entrance of the school. Victor Besa/The National

Telltale signs of burnout

– loss of confidence and appetite

– irritability and emotional outbursts

– sadness

– persistent physical ailments such as headaches, frequent infections and fatigue

– substance abuse, such as smoking or drinking more

– impaired judgment

– excessive and continuous worrying

– irregular sleep patterns

Tips to help overcome burnout

Acknowledge how you are feeling by listening to your warning signs. Set boundaries and learn to say ‘no’

Do activities that you want to do as well as things you have to do

Undertake at least 30 minutes of exercise per day. It releases an abundance of feel-good hormones

Find your form of relaxation and make time for it each day, such as listening to soothing music, reading or mindful meditation

Sleep and wake at the same time every day, even if your sleep pattern was disrupted. Without enough sleep condition such as stress, anxiety and depression can thrive.