ABU DHABI // Fathers have been urged to become equal partners with their wives in bringing up children.
Both parents have a crucial role in a child's education, health care and discipline, experts told a workshop in the capital.
Fathering “can mean many different things to many children”, said Dr Kyle Pruett, a clinical professor in child psychiatry and nursing at Yale University in the United States.
“Typically, it has to do with who the biological father is, but to the child, the father is the one who fathers him. I mean that in the way that he cares for him, partners with the mother, values the child’s independence.”
A biological relationship was no guarantee of being a successful parent, he said. “There are many children who have grown up not in the care of their biological fathers who have done so beautifully because someone else came into the mother’s life, supported the mother and provided the paternal care to the child.”
Dr Pruett’s wife Dr Marsha Pruett, a professor at the Smith College School for Social Work in the United States, described the mother as a “gatekeeper” who allows the father to become part of the child-raising system.
“Both endorse the fact that they need each other’s support for the child’s benefit,” she said.
She urged mothers to give fathers the confidence and ability to work out what needed to be done for the benefit of the child. She said the mother’s role was to support the father, as his presence would affect the family as a whole.
“Men are important. Your child needs you. Your family needs you. Men must talk about what fathering means to them and especially what it means to their children,” she said.
Both parents need to be supportive of one another, as spouses and parents, said Dr Kyle Pruett.
He said mothers would most probably show signs of care, love and protection, while fathers like to teach and instruct.
“Both parents give different messages. Imagine the fabric woven into the child by having both values,” he said.
Sharing the role of parenting has benefits for the family as a whole, and results in a longer marriage and higher level of health, said Dr Kyle Pruett.
The child understands the role of each parent, he said, reacting differently to each parent.
“Children have different relationships with their parents. Mothers and fathers have their own roles and it could confuse the child if the roles are mixed,” he said.
He described the reaction of a six-week-old baby when held by the parents. “When the mother picks up the baby, his shoulders will relax and eyes will close, meaning he is looking for care. With the father, his eyes will be wide open, shoulders hunched as if to say, ‘It’s play time’.”
He explained to the audience how mothers always hold the baby in a predictable way, over the shoulder, signifying the “comfort zone”, while fathers are unpredictable nine times out of 10 while holding a baby.
“They will mostly hold the baby in the air, being playful, not very serious,” he said.
The parenting workshop is part of a series organised by the Sheikha Salama bint Hamdan Al Nahyan Foundation.
It continues on Monday and Tuesday in Manarat Al Saadiyat and on Wednesday in Tawam Hospital, Al Ain.
aalkhoori@thenational.ae
