Disciplining children begins with showing love, experts say

After a noticeable rise in neglect, they say this and a lack of support in homes could lead to indisciplined children.

ABU DHABI // Disciplining your child begins with showing love, experts say.

A child’s life is divided into three stages, said Dr Abdullatif Al Azazi, a family counsellor and chairman of the Excellence Centre in the capital.

The first stage begins before the child is conceived and continues until the age of 7.

“This is the ‘nutrition’ period, where parents saturate the child with love and affection. The loving phase begins when the mother is pregnant. Be happy and love the baby, this is a gift from Allah. This way the child will grow up to be loving,” he said.

The disciplining phase begins when the child is 7, he said.

“The next seven years – between the ages of 7 and 14 – that is when we start teaching the child values, religion and traditions so he will fully understand life,” he said.

Many parents charge into discipline at an early age, which will not be effective, Dr Al Azazi said.

“Communication begins by not telling your child ‘you are wrong’, that will make the child resent you. We can say ‘what happened is not right’ or ‘I didn’t expect this from you’.

“This way I am showing my child his actions are not accepted, but without insulting him.”

Dr Ahmed Al Omosh, dean of the college of sociology at the University of Sharjah, said by parents using words of encouragement and being good role models, children will learn good behaviour.

“We must not threaten the child but use the reward technique. We give a positive reward for good behaviour,” he said.

The third stage is a “period of friendship” between the child and the parents.

“This is when we begin talking to the child, creating an emotional connection. And that is how leadership in the parents is built, by showing you are listening and by guiding. A child’s brain develops in conversation just as an adult’s, if you talk to them and explain to them you will know what is going in their heads,” Dr Al Omosh said.

“By taking their opinion into consideration, parents are first encouraging their emotional intelligence to grow, and the child learns dialogue skills and learns to listen and analyse issues.”