Experts warn of possible marital problems

Convincing couples to get married after they have been charged with sex out of wedlock is an appropriate solution, but experts say it leads to questions over the stability of the relationship.

ABU DHABI // Convincing couples to marry after they are charged with sex out of wedlock is a good move, experts say, while warning of later problems.

Dr Heba Sharkas, a marriage counsellor at Al Amal Centre for family advice, said marriage was the right and moral solution but the couple’s future would not be easy because it would not be on their own terms.

“The woman will always feel sad and guilty and the man will lose trust, which is an important part of any marriage,” Dr Sharkas said.

“They have killed their joy by being hasty. The woman will have mixed emotions and her feelings will affect the relationship.

“Any loving, long-term relationship evolves depending on three elements: the first is affection, trust and friendship; then comes the intimate and emotional side; and then commitment to the relationship according to the religious and social standards.

“If the three elements were there and society gave the marriage the blessing, then the relationship can be stable, loving and lead to a family.

“But if commitment is not found and it is merely sexual, then the marriage will be deformed.”

Dr Sharkas said for the marriage to continue, reason and passion must meet.

Ali Al Qareiny, a lawyer in the capital, said that after marriage it was the responsibility of lawyers to ensure the stability of the relationship and avoid problems that could lead to divorce.

Mr Al Qareiny said he always made sure he could guarantee the stability of a marriage before suggesting it.

“Most cases that I have seen, the bride is not happy,” he said. “She doesn’t even have a wedding. And probably six months later she is divorced.

“The man married her to escape the penalty.

“Other men will say she is not suitable for me, and he would prefer to receive the sentence.

“Ninety-nine per cent of women immediately agree to a marriage.”

But Dr Rima Sabban of Zayed University said no marriage was guaranteed to last forever and it was better if the woman did not have a wedding.

“The Arab culture has certain steps in a marriage, so if she gets married quickly she will raise question marks in society,” Dr Sabban said.

“Usually, Arabs would go from searching for a wife to an engagement and then have a wedding. It’s a very long process.

“But after a court case, the family will just want the girl to be married to escape rumours, and it will happen very quickly.

“It is better if the couple start their life away from society’s eyes.”

She said that if the couple moved from the area where the incident occurred it would give society the space to accept the situation.

It would also give the couple the change needed to start their new relationship.

Published: December 6, 2014 04:00 AM


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