Lose 6-1, win 6-2. Newcastle United’s last two scorelines have either been plucked from tennis or the 1920s.
There are times when they have been accused of losing their identity. On Sunday, thrillingly, they rediscovered it. This was the Newcastle of old, which is a compliment and criticism. Like their shirts, Newcastle deal in the extremes of black and white, not shades of grey.
They were inspired in attack. They defended dreadfully. They offered error-prone entertainment in a way that, 20 years ago, brought suggestions they were everyone’s second favourite team. Then they were near the top of the table. Now they have elevated themselves from the foot, with the added bonus that Sunderland replace them there.
After being hammered by Manchester City, they thrashed Norwich City. While this was a match with echoes of the 1990s, references to the 1890s have become commonplace on Tyneside, too.
Newcastle had not started a season so poorly since 1898. A belated first league win ended two waits: Steve McClaren last tasted victory in the Premier League in April 2006, when his Middlesbrough team beat West Ham. In fraught fashion, and at the ninth time of asking, he recorded his first as Newcastle manager.
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His side were epitomised by Moussa Sissoko, who created four goals and was culpable for the two conceded. The Frenchman has an abundance of talent and if that is illustrated too rarely, it was on this occasion. Yet, Newcastle have a capacity to undermine themselves.
They are a team who can concede 48 seconds after scoring, and did, and could allow the opposition left-back to leave St James’ Park with two assists, as Martin Olsson did.
Ultimately, however, his efforts were in vain, courtesy of Sissoko and Georginio Wijnaldum.
Just as they were in happier times, Newcastle were heavy spenders this summer. Wijnaldum was their biggest buy for a decade, and their £14.7 million (Dh83.4m) investment looks astute.
He joined Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink as the only Dutchmen to have mustered four goals in a Premier League game.
Ruud van Nistelrooy and Robin van Persie never enjoyed such a productive afternoon. And Wijnaldum, unlike his compatriots, is a midfielder.
Sissoko supplied his first two, with a lovely guided pass that Wijnaldum steered in at the far post and a cross the Dutchman headed past Tim Krul.
His aerial ability was apparent again when he completed his treble from Daryl Janmaat’s centre while his fourth was a deflected shot from long range.
Before then, the marauding Sissoko had used his power to lead a swift counter-attack that culminated in Ayoze Perez scoring Newcastle’s third goal.
Their fourth followed his pass as Aleksandar Mitrovic, another expensive summer addition, thumped in his second goal in as many games.
Newcastle’s potency was welcome, not least because goalkeeper Tim Krul, who McClaren claimed was worth 18 to 20 points a season, has been ruled out for the campaign.
His deputy, Rob Elliot, was beaten twice. Each stemmed from lovely crosses from the overlapping Olsson. The first was converted by Dieumerci Mbokani. The second was volleyed in by Nathan Redmond.
And, with Newcastle’s frailties apparent and chaos reigning in either penalty box, Norwich could have scored six. Robbie Brady thundered a shot against the post. Jonny Howson appealed in vain for a penalty when Daryl Janmaat tugged him. Scorer turned saviour when Wijnaldum cleared Sebastian Bassong’s header off the line. Redmond hit the woodwork.
They were near misses in what amounted to a heavy defeat. Now Norwich have the division’s worst defensive record. That unwanted distinction used to belong to Newcastle.
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