We need a flexi-time mother’s package for working women

There are many possible choices and many possible combinations of choices to enable women to work and be good mothers at the same time, writes Khawla Saleh

It is emotionally very hard for mothers to leave their babies behind and go to work. Silvia Razgova / The National

Adam is past the six-month mark and we have been caught up in the excitement of introducing him to solids. It’s easier this time round because I read up so much on the subject when I had my first son. Therefore, by the time Adam arrived, I had already tried the Gina Ford childcare guidelines, the Annabel Karmel nutritional tips for babies and so on. I knew I would head in Karmel’s direction.

So I went looking for organic vegetables and prepared Adam’s menu for the whole week. Carrot would be the first thing I would introduce, followed by other root vegetables and fruit. I started on Saturday so that I could be home with him, but when Sunday came round it dawned on me that I would be at work. When would I feed him, I wondered. And would I have to delegate this memorable milestone in my son’s life to the nanny?

This story is pertinent in the context of Sheikha Bodour Bint Sultan Al Qasimi’s recent article on these pages. She noted that “motherly care for a newborn baby is instinctive, is natural and is necessary for the physical and emotional well-being of our future generations. A nanny or a relative will never replace the care of a mother no matter how good and caring they are. It’s a given fact.”

This point was repeated at a lecture series on becoming a parent recently organised by the Salama Bint Hamdan Al Nahyan Foundation. Parent-child relationships, the lecturers said, are important for a child to properly manage emotion.

So, that first Sunday morning after I introduced solids to my six-month-old, I slumped into my office chair and sighed. How and when will I feed Adam? Perhaps after work? With each day of the work week, Adam’s suppertime became later. On Monday, I fed him at 5. Tuesday was late and I fed him at 6. On Wednesday, I was so busy I forgot.

When we started a new week in the introduction of solids, and the baby reached for me as I left for work, I couldn’t help but shed a tear. When I returned, it would be blissful to see him and spend a couple of hours bathing, feeding and playing with him. But missing the bulk of the day with Adam hurt and like many others, I have been forced to wonder, how much of a mother am I? Surely there is much more to mothering than the occasional interaction? Surely there is a lot more to becoming a parent than providing for a child’s basic needs? In the parenting lecture series, the lecturers talked about how a child’s brain is shaped by the early quality of their experiences.

As a Shamsa Fellow of the Salama Bint Hamdan Al Nahyan Foundation studying child development, I know that children can get very attached to multiple people. As a working mother, I take some comfort from this. So Adam won’t forget me because he’s with his nanny.

We are blessed with visionary leadership so I look forward to the day our nation provides extended maternity leave to mothers. It should last at least six months. This would help mothers attend to many simple yet crucial things, not least breastfeeding and bonding.

But what will happen when the six-month period runs out? Adam will still need me and I must still work. As Sheikha Bodour noted: “It is emotionally very hard for mothers to leave their babies behind and additionally difficult to forsake professional dreams and ambitions.”

Can organisations consider mother packages where we are offered flexible hours or the options to work from home or a part time option or the option for three full days and two home days?

There are many possible choices and many possible combinations of choices to enable women to work and be good mothers at the same time.

Khawla Saleh is a Shamsa Fellow with the Salama Bint Hamdan Al Nahyan Foundation, in partnership with Yale University