Keeping children safe begins with ending the silence

Sexual abuse is a difficult subject to raise but keeping our children safe means talking to them about the risks they face, writes Ayesha Almazroui.

A public service advertisement by the Community Development Authority’s Child Protection Centre. Courtesy CDA

Breaking the silence about taboo topics is rarely easy, but the reason why they need to be brought into the open was made clear when a policeman was scheduled to give a lecture about child molestation to schoolchildren in Hatta.

After the talk, three boys aged between seven and nine came forward with an allegation that they and others at the school had been victims of sexual abuse by a school cleaner.

While the case is before the courts and a decision on the guilt or innocence of the employee involved is yet to be made, the incident shows the benefits of addressing difficult subjects.

The simple reality is that child abuse occurs in the UAE, just like it does in every society, but too often here it remains hidden because the conservative nature of local culture means the subject is rarely discussed. This shows the importance of awareness and education both for those at risk and society as a whole.

It is fairly common in the UAE to see children going to school in the car alone with the family’s driver or boys walking alone on the street without company. While we are fortunate to live in a safe environment that is relatively free of crime, leaving vulnerable children unattended increases the potential for abuse.

But this is a balancing act. Can we really be with them all the time to ensure they are safe? Just as there is a thin line between giving children space and neglecting them, there is also a fine line between constantly protecting them and preventing them learning to be independent.

This is why children should be made aware of what constitutes abuse and what they must do if they experience such a situation. It is why the police should be commended for giving routine talks on the subject at schools, so that similar cases might be averted as well as to ensure that the cases that do occur are reported and investigated.

Unfortunately, the majority of families here treat any form of sex education as a taboo, with the result that there is little communication when it comes to this sensitive topic. For example, some parents teach their daughters the way they should dress and act, but never tell them what to do if they became victims of abuse.

We need to keep in mind that perpetrators can be family members, caregivers and trusted people. They can use many methods to keep children silent, including bribes and emotional and physical threats, all of which make it difficult for children to talk openly about it and seek help, even from their own parents.

Instead some will continue to feel fearful, guilty, helpless and ashamed, which could have a tremendous psychological effect on them for many years afterwards.

It is how parents communicate with their children that determines whether they would be comfortable enough to break the silence and discuss their concerns. Clear communication should give children guidelines on how to be safe, how to recognise potential risks and what the proper reaction should be. Instead of potentially frightening children by focusing mainly on the risks, good communication should increase the ability of children to take action if they encounter such a situation.

This conversation needs to be broader than simply recognising abusive behaviour, it ought to include topics like the physical differences between males and females, pregnancy and birth, and puberty and its characteristics. These should be discussed openly with children as they grow up and start asking questions.

This is how adults can pave the way for children to speak openly about their concerns or disclose any incident of molestation or sexual abuse.

Needless to say, every child has different cognitive abilities and that has to be taken into account when discussing such topics. Children also have different concerns at different stages of their lives and that should be understood and addressed by their parents or caregivers.

Many of the parents I know are aware of this and recognise its significance but sadly only a few of them practise it with their own children. For this to change, the social taboo must be broken.

There needs to be educational preventive programmes for those who are unaware of what constitutes abuse. Parents have to understand that they cannot always protect their children, but they can give them the tools to protect themselves and know how to face life’s potential dangers.

As the allegations of abuse at Hatta show, sometimes children only gain that spark of awareness and make complaints when the subject is raised by an adult. We don’t know yet whether this case will be proven but even if not, there will be cases where sexual molestation that might have continued will have been brought into the open and stopped, with the perpetrator punished and prevented from abusing more children in the future.

Every child deserves the right to find awareness and guidance – and that means breaking the silence.

On Twitter: @AyeshaAlmazroui