In Iran and India, girls' protests bear a strong message for fathers

Demonstrators chant slogans during the March of Solidarity for Iran in Washington. AFP

Another group of demonstrators at the march. AFP

A protest in support of Iranian women in Barcelona. Reuters

Iranian citizens and locals joined in the Barcelona protest. Reuters

People attend a demonstration in solidarity with Mahsa Amini and other Iranian women in Castello Square, Turin. EPA

A person places a candle during the demonstration in Turin. EPA

A protester holds a pre-Islamic Revolution Iranian flag during a demonstration in Brussels in support of the Iranians fighting for their freedom. AFP

A protester wearing a top with a logo that reads 'No to an Islamic state" as she takes part in a rally in support of the Iranian people, in Brussels. AFP

People wave the Shah-era Iranian flag during a protest in Paris. AFP

A woman shows her true colours in the protest against the Iranian government, in Paris. AFP

A woman holds a flag, as people protest against the Iranian regime outside Iran's embassy in central London. Reuters

Supporters of the Kurdistan Workers' Party (PKK) carry placards and wave party flags in Beirut, during a protest against the death of Ms Amini. EPA

People demonstrate against the Iranian government outside the Houses of Parliament in London following the death of Amini. Reuters

A mural in Paris depicts women cutting their hair to show support for Iranian protesters. AP

People take part in a rally against the Iranian government in Vancouver, Canada, on Saturday. AP

Protesters take to the streets of Tehran. EPA

Iranian protesters run after clashing with with police. EPA

A protester shaves their head outside the Houses of Parliament in London. Reuters

Iranians living in Athens hold a protest in solidarity. AFP

People take part in a rally in The Hague. AFP

A woman cuts her hair during a demonstration in Santiago, Chile, by feminist groups and Iranian migrants in support of Iranian women following the death of Amini. AFP

Members of feminist groups and Iranian migrants during the protests in Santiago. AFP

Iranian activists shout slogans during a protest against the government in Tehran, in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. EPA

A protester holds a painted portrait of Mahsa Amini in Berlin, Germany. EPA

A protester shows red paint on her face, resembling blood splatters and bloody handprints next to the national Iranian emblem, during a rally in Berlin. EPA

Iranian protesters shout slogan during a protest in Istanbul, Turkey. EPA

A woman holds a sign during a protest against the Iranian government, in front of the country's embassy in Madrid, Spain. The protests were triggered by the death of a young Iranian woman, Mahsa Amini, in police custody. Reuters

A woman cuts her hair during the protest in front of the Iranian embassy in Madrid. Reuters

Israelis show their support for women in Iran as they hold up placards of Amini during a protest in Jerusalem. EPA

Amini, 22, was arrested in Tehran on September 13, 2022, by the morality police. She fell into a coma while in police custody and was declared dead on September 16. EPA

People walk by graffiti in support of the protests triggered by Amini's death, in Jerusalem. EPA

A protest in Nantes, western France, after the death of Amini in Iranian police custody. AFP

Women gather for a demonstration in Barcelona, Spain. AFP

Demonstrators in Nantes. Amini's death has sparked a global protest movement. AFP

Women protest outside the town hall in in Montpellier, southern France. AFP

A woman at a protest in Catalunya Square, Barcelona. Reuters

Campaigners and football fans protest at a Champions League match between Porto and Bayer Leverkusen at the Dragao stadium in Portugal. EPA

People hold placards during a demonstration in solidarity with the Iranian people near the European Parliament in Strasbourg, France. EPA

An Iranian woman living in Turkey with 'Freedom' written on her forehead takes part in a protest near the Iranian consulate in Istanbul. Reuters

In Barcelona, protesters take part in a demonstration in support of Iranian women. AFP

A Lebanese activist takes part in a protest in Beirut, triggered by the death of Amini, 22. AP

A Turkish protester takes off her head scarf while giving a performance in Instanbul during a protest against Iran over Amini's death. Getty

A woman in Istanbul cuts her hair during a protest against Iran. Getty

A Lebanese activist holds a poster depicting Amini during a protest in Beirut organised by feminist groups in support of women protesters in Iran. EPA

Demonstrators in Los Angeles, California, hold the Iranian flag during a protest against the government in Tehran. AFP

Demonstrators hold placards in Mexico City during a protest against Iran. Reuters

People demonstrate in Montreal, Canada, during a protest triggered by Amini's death. AFP

Iranian Americans participate in a rally in central Los Angeles, in solidarity with women in Iran. AP

Demonstrators march during a protest in Los Angeles, California. AFP

A woman with the colours of the Iranian flag painted on her face participates in a rally as thousands demonstrate in support of Iranian women in Los Angeles. EPA

Australians protest over Amini's death in Melbourne. EPA

Police block protesters from entering Iran's embassy in Oslo, Norway. EPA

Demonstrators in front of the European headquarters of the UN in Geneva, Switzerland, during a rally against Iran. EPA

A candlelight vigil for Amini in Los Angeles. AFP

Afghan women hold placards as they take part in a protest in front of the Iranian embassy in Kabul. AFP

Protestors take part in a rally outside the Iranian consulate in Istanbul. AFP

An Iranian woman shows a lock of hair she cut off during a protest outside the Iranian consulate in Istanbul. EPA

Demonstrators outside the Iranian consulate in Istanbul. Getty

Iranian Americans rally on Capitol Hill in Washington to show support for protesters in Iran. AFP

Protesters on Capitol Hill hold a sign condemning the crackdown by Tehran. AFP

German demonstrators gather in Berlin after the death of Amini in Iranian police custody. AP

A protester cries during a rally in Berlin. Reuters

A demonstration in Madrid, Spain. Thousands have gathered in cities across Europe to support protests in Iran. AP

Demonstrators gather outside the Iranian embassy in Madrid. Reuters

People take part in a protest in Lausanne, Switzerland. EPA

Protesters hold signs featuring images of Amini during the protest in the western Swiss city. EPA

Demonstrators in front of the Iranian embassy in Buenos Aires, Argentina. EPA

An activist outside the Iranian embassy in Buenos Aires, Argentina, with a sign that reads 'Justice for Mahsa Amini'. AFP

A demonstration against violence in Iran is held in Quito, Ecuador. The Iranian community in Ecuador protested outside the Iranian embassy. EPA

Protesters at a demonstration outside the Iranian embassy in Quito, Ecuador. EPA

It is a sobering moment for fathers from the Middle East to the Indian subcontinent. On the streets of Iran, young women are protesting against the strict dress code of the country’s theocratic government – one that is undoubtedly attempting to be paternalistic in nature, and is itself run largely by a collection of fathers – and its brutal crackdown against dissenters.

Several weeks ago, a 22-year-old Iranian Kurdish woman, Mahsa Amini, died at the hands of Iran’s morality police for wearing her hijab “improperly”. Since then, tens of thousands of young women – their fathers’ daughters – have come out on the streets of every major city, standing up for their rights and freedom of choice. They have done so while defying a widespread crackdown on the internet and violent repression by the police. Many have been killed. These protests – the largest, leaderless, spontaneous protests the country has seen in recent times – have become a sort of cultural touchstone, a vast, sweeping movement that speaks of a wider discontent, especially on the part of young women, with a repressive regime.

Conversely, in Karnataka state in my home country of India earlier this year, the government authorised colleges to ban the wearing of hijabs by young Muslim women on college campuses. In March, the Karnataka High Court upheld the state government order. Several petitioners challenged the high court order in the Supreme Court, India’s highest court. And the Supreme Court, having heard the matter, reserved its order, and is likely to pronounce its verdict soon.

In Iran, thousands of daughters are protesting about being forced to wear the hijab in a particular way – or, indeed, at all. In Karnataka, they are protesting against not being allowed to wear the hijab. On the face of it, these are two diametrically opposite issues.

But to fathers, in both instances the message heard from our daughters ought to be one and the same. They are telling us of an assault on their freedom of choice and expression – of, fundamentally, an attack on the rights, dignity and agency of young women.

A little girl sits next to her father during the Friday prayer ceremony in Tehran last month. EPA

It is a sobering moment for fathers from the Middle East to the Indian subcontinent

As the father of a 21-year-old woman (she is only a year younger than Mahsa Amini, and I shudder as I realise this), I cannot emphasise this enough. I have learnt, and have previously written in a book I published, of how support, unstinted and always, must be a father’s overriding parenting principle while bringing up a daughter.

And I have seen the difference it makes.

I recall the day my wife and I were with our daughter on her first day of her eleventh year of school. We had moved to a new city, and, at the age of 16, she was compelled to adjust to a new environment, new teachers, new fellow students, at a new school. A tricky thing at a tricky age.

We were asked to write a message for our child on the whiteboard in the classroom. Among all the parents, my message was the briefest. “Be happy”, I wrote.

Despite the brevity, I am privileged that my daughter eventually came to understand.

There were, after all, those occasions when she had not done as well as she had expected in school examinations. She would skulk around the house, at a low ebb, flagellating herself, wondering why things had gone wrong, how they could be better again, and what she must do to make that happen.

I would repeatedly paraphrase to her the American boxer Joe Louis. “If you have done the best you could with what you had, it is all right.” And it is.

Gradually, it began sinking in. I realised that when, in her final year of school, not having done as well as she thought she would in her strongest subject, she quoted this – consciously or unconsciously; how, it did not matter – back at me.

Students study in the playground area of a college in Bangalore in March, after an Indian court upheld a local ban on the hijab in classrooms. AFP

“I did the best I could with what I had,” she said. “What more could I have done?”

“Nothing more. Be happy. Get up and go again.”

She was not skulking around, she was not at a low ebb. She got up and went again. It was a chrysalis-to-butterfly moment.

Mahsa Amini is beyond her father’s help now. As are the other girls who have been killed honouring her memory. In one video from Iran, an elderly man is seen standing at a grave mourning them, and he urges parents to support their children.

He makes a vital point. These young women need the unwavering support of their parents, and especially their fathers. The trope of authoritarian patriarchy runs through the sequence of events in both Karnataka and Iran. In such circumstances, the support for young women from their fathers – the person seen as the family patriarch, for better or for worse – sends out a powerful, emphatic message. It is as much a message for the daughters (I am on your side, you don’t need to worry) as for the oppressors (Not everyone is like you; you will, one day, find yourself on the wrong side of history).

As fathers, in whichever part of the world we may be in, however tough the situation, it is our duty to support our daughters. The reward? The pride in watching them put in all their effort to unshackle themselves from imposed notions of who they should be, and become who they are. The pleasure in helping them be happy.

There have been protests around the world, such as this one in Berlin, following the death of Mahsa Amini. AP Photo