As the saying goes: "People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." There's nothing worse than that "jet-lagged" feeling of being a new mum, and it is hardly surprising that the best-selling cosmetic product for women in recent years is one that conceals dark circles under the eyes. Research shows that modern mothers manage only three-and-a- half hours of sleep a night during the first four months, and just five hours when the baby is 18 months old because we appear to have lost the skills our parents had when settling babies to sleep.
According to recent research by Mother & Baby magazine, it takes us an average of 56 minutes to get a baby to sleep at all in the evening - double the time it took our mothers. This is despite the availability of all sorts of gadgets our parents could only dream of, from musical cot mobiles to vibrating rocking chairs and nursery rhyme CDs. One in 10 mothers go so far as to download "womb" or "dolphin" music from the internet to try to lull children into oblivion, while three per cent of mothers have resorted to cranial osteopathy, a sophisticated form of head massage.
But our babies still wake up three times a night and take around 30 minutes to settle each time. In the 1960s and 1970s, babies woke up only twice in the night and took about 20 minutes to settle. A survey of 2,000 new mothers and 2,000 grandparents found that lack of sleep leaves us feeling bad tempered (according to 65 per cent of the mothers surveyed), irritable with husbands (66 per cent), tearful (61 per cent), forgetful (57 per cent), depressed or despairing (37 per cent), more accident prone (34 per cent), unable to function properly (27 per cent) and irritable with our baby (27 per cent).
It never used to be like this. My mother, now 76, doesn't remember buying "sleep aids" or trampling round the house like a zombie for months on end, and like many other grandmothers, she thinks today's parents have got it all wrong. Her generation managed six hours' sleep a night after having a baby, and has plenty of advice on getting an infant to bed, including leaving it to cry for longer, giving it a dummy, establishing a better regime and giving up breastfeeding.
So who is right? Belinda Mayhew, 39, a publicist from Kennington in South London - who has a one-year-old daughter, Anna - is typical of the modern mother. She said she is much more willing than her mother's generation would have been to give into the demands of her baby, although she admits that her routine was a sleep killer. "I'm an eight-hours-a-night sort of person and when I was getting up to feed Anna pretty much on demand it was harrowing," she says.
"Anna was feeding about four times a night, and there were instances when James, my husband, and myself went to bed at around 10.30pm and were still awake at 6am - when he is thinking of getting up for work anyway." Some parents are wealthy enough to opt out of the struggle by hiring "maternity nurses" - women who come in to do the night shift. These nurses might stay with a family for as long as 10 weeks, training babies into a routine that will lead them to being put to bed at 7pm and sleeping until 7am.
But for most parents this luxury is not an option. Elena Dalrymple, a former editor of Mother & Baby, says that parents nowadays lack the support systems enjoyed by previous generations. She is a strong believer that getting enough sleep is crucial to the smooth running of any household with a baby. If you're only getting three and a half hours of sleep night after night and sometimes less, you'll most likely take your frustration and anger out on your husband, she says.
Nowadays, the first baby a woman holds is usually her own and new parents don't have 24-hour support from their extended family and neighbours. The problem is exacerbated because it is increasingly likely that both parents will be working. Working parents are so time poor that their anxiety to "get the baby to bed so they can have a bit of an evening" actually prevents the baby from falling asleep. Babies latch on to their parents' anxiety and stay awake instead.
It is not just new mothers' inexperience that leads to babies sleeping for short intervals. It may be the babysitter, nanny or nursery that allows the baby to sleep for too long during the day. Some babies are also getting less fresh air, which makes them less drowsy. Babies in the 1960s and 1970s spent an average of four hours in the fresh air every day, usually in a pram in the garden, compared with two hours now, which could make a difference when trying to get a baby to sleep.
Lack of sleep also can be dangerous. Professor Jim Horne, director of the Sleep Research Centre at Loughborough University, said, "If you have had a very disturbed night feeding babies and you then have to drive some distance the next day, particularly in the afternoon, then your driving will be impaired. "The tiredness will hit you at about 3.30pm, the time when many mothers are doing the 'school run'. That is when you are going to have your 'dip' in energy, and it can be dangerous."
He has some advice for mothers who find themselves in such a position. "All our research shows that a 20 minute nap in the day, or maybe two naps, can be very effective," he said. "Have a cup of coffee before you sleep and then take your nap, timing it to 30 minutes maximum. Caffeine will not have any effect for 30 minutes, so don't worry that the coffee will prevent the nap. "Set your alarm, and the double combination of the 20 minute nap followed by the caffeine in the coffee kicking into your system can be very refreshing. You should be raring to go.
"Don't go sleeping for longer than 20 to 30 minutes or you fall into a deep sleep. You will feel very groggy when you wake up, and this will interfere with your ability to sleep at night. An hour's sleep in the afternoon is no good." He said working mothers should find somewhere at work for a nap. "They should schedule a nap into their lunch break - a quick 15 minutes. Some people say the best solution to feeling drowsy is fresh air and exercise but that is simply putting off the inevitable, which is that you need to sleep. People also say 'oh but caffeine is bad, I'll get addicted to caffeine' but two cups of coffee won't hurt you and it's a question of whether you want to be safe."
