Randa El Zein’s workshop in Abu Dhabi offers a helping hand to avoid common parenting pitfalls

At the Parenting with Passion workshop on September 3 in Abu Dhabi, El Zein will address the top five mistakes most parents make when dealing with their children.

The three-hour Parenting with Passion workshop hosted by Randa El Zein is on September 3. Courtesy Randa El Zein

The start of the new school year is just around the corner, which means parents across the country will have a lot more to contend with as they attempt to raise healthy, well-­adjusted, confident children. But fear not – life coach Randa El Zein is here to help.

The founder of the Be You International life coaching and empowerment centre in Abu Dhabi, she will host a workshop titled Parenting with Passion on September 3, in which she promises to reveal the top five mistakes that most parents make when dealing with their children – ­regardless of age.

“This isn’t fluff,” says El Zein, a Canadian of Lebanese descent, who grew up in Abu Dhabi and chose to return to the capital after a divorce.

“Each of the five mistakes are truly massive and avoidable – parents need to be aware.”

The 40-year-old doesn’t have children of her own, but that hasn’t diminished her interest in parenting.

“What you focus on expands in your life, so I guess I was always focused on kids,” she says.

“I have two siblings who are 18 and 20 years younger than I am. As they were growing up, I felt like a third parent. I did everything except for childbirth and breastfeeding.”

She was also stepmother to her ex-husband’s now-teenage children, both of whom she is still in touch with.

“Parenting is not just a gig,” says El Zein. “It’s a profession and we need to be pros about it. Better parents will mean better kids and that will translate to a better world. It’s a huge responsibility and there are ways to become a better parent.”

The five mistakes

During her three-hour parenting workshop, El Zein hopes to open parents’ eyes to the importance of letting go of ingrained beliefs that might not necessarily be good for the children.

“It’s crazy – when you go to a job interview, you prepare a lot more than you do when you have a kid,” says El Zein. “There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, so we don’t repeat the mistakes of our own parents.”

The parenting mistakes that El Zein will help to rectify are, in decreasing order of importance:

5. Forgetting about developing the child’s character

“Parents need to identify their child’s passion and help develop it. We tell our kids to choose a major that will make them successful or guarantee a job. If our child wants to be an artist or drummer, we say, this is a hobby, put it aside and go find a real job. We forget to ask our kids: ‘What makes you happy?’ Happy people are the ones who change the world.”

4. Not providing our children with a smart MAP (Massive Action Plan)

“Once a child decides what he or she wants to do, we don’t give them the right tools. Why is it that we aren’t teaching children money management, for example? Goal setting? Time management? We don’t prioritise these skills for ourselves, let alone our children, and these are important life skills. There is power in creating a vision board. Kids need to learn this.”

3. Getting trapped in the mirror effect – teaching in the same way we were taught

“We complain about our parents then do the exact same thing to our own kids. Research shows that the moment in a child’s life when the parent is struggling the most with the kid is the same moment when the parent was struggling with his or her own parents.”

2. Forgetting about a child’s emotional education and focusing only on the academic

“Every time a child has a tantrum is an opportunity to teach and manage emotions – across all ages. Parents have the responsibility of teaching children how to manage their emotions.”

1. Believing they can do it all alone

“Parents think the hit-and-miss approach is good enough. Every single miss is chipping away at the character and personality of this human being you are ­raising.”

Working together

The benefit of group coaching, says El Zein, is to help parents realise they are not alone in their struggles. Rasha Kafa, a mother of two, who is from Syria and now lives in Abu Dhabi, says she feels more confident after attending a parenting workshop.

“I end up feeling better as a parent, ready to come home and deal with problems, because I realise I’m not the only one dealing with the typical problems that come with raising children,” she says. “No matter where we’re from, we have so much in common as parents, and it’s healthy to realise that.”

Likewise, Nawras Abulhaija from Jordan, who lives in Abu Dhabi and has three children, says such workshops can, at the very least, put you in touch with other parents in the same boat.

“In our culture, no one prepares you for parenting,” she says. “You get married and have kids and that’s it – everybody did it before you, everyone is doing it, you’re on your own. Workshops provide you with guidance and advice.”

Being around other mothers empowers an individual and makes you feel normal as a parent, as opposed to a “horrible mum”, she says. “Then you get to discuss your problems, find solutions to your mistakes – and it’s magic with the kids again.”

The details

The Parenting with Passion workshop is on September 3 from 10am to 1pm, at the Hilton Abu Dhabi. It costs Dh500, and each person who registers is encouraged to bring along a spouse or friend for free. To register, email [e-mail] or call 02 446 3766.