Ask Ali: Mixed marriage requires time to keep family happy

The society we live in is also evolving and becoming more open to various cultures and traditions. Mixed marriages are not taboo anymore in our region.

Dear Ali: I’m a UAE national and I would like to get married to a Malaysian girl, but my family won’t agree. I can’t do something behind their back, but neither can I let my girl go. I really want to find a solution that will not hurt my culture! VG, Dubai

Dear VG: The best thing to do usually is give this matter some time. Try your best to introduce the future wife to your sisters, father or brothers, then have your mother to be on your side – inshallah, with time, this would work things out.

I don’t think that the matter is a matter of your future wife’s background, but from a cultural and traditional point of view, this will always be a challenge in a conservative society that still maintains its marriage traditions. At the same time, the society we live in today is also evolving and becoming more open to various cultures and traditions. Mixed marriages might seem a taboo, but they are not anymore in our region.

Give it some time and don’t let go of the girl just because your family rejected the idea after your first try.

Wishing you and your future wife a happy coming life, inshallah.

Dear Ali: Can you please give us some tips on Ramadan etiquette? JT, Abu Dhabi

Dear JT: I would first wish you and everyone reading the column a blessed and happy Ramadan.

Attitude is everything when facing a new cultural event in any country, and Ramadan requires not only non-Muslims but also Muslims to be more sensitive.

During Ramadan, nights are always festive and much of the daily routine will just shift late after 8pm.

However during the day, eating, drinking and smoking in public are viewed as disrespectful. If you want to do any of the above, you have to do them in designated areas. For example, if you are at work there should be a place where you can eat, smoke or drink. It depends from company to company whether it’s allowed or not.

I also always advise people to try to fast if they are healthy and able, at least for half of the day. Please note that pregnant women, children and sick people are exempt from fasting.

Some of your colleagues might be less active in the early days of Ramadan, as they adjust to the Holy Month. They might be less effective in communication, for instance; it all really depends from one to another. Most companies also shorten their working day by two or three hours.

If you get invited to iftar (the evening meal that breaks the fast), it’s polite to accept – and it’s a great opportunity to build and strengthen relationships.

You are not expected to bring anything with you, but having some food or dessert is always a good sign of generosity. Don’t forget to wish your host (and Muslims in general) a blessed Ramadan by saying it in Arabic: “Ramadan kareem” or “Ramadan mubarak” or, in Gulf Arabic, “Em-barak alaikom al shahar”. You may leave the iftar before the isha – the evening prayer – but make sure to stay till the meal is served completely.

Now let’s turn to the dress code, especially for women. It’s always important to dress modestly – avoid showing a lot of skin or cleavage or wearing skirts above the knee, at any time of the year but especially during the Holy Month.

Prior to iftar, around 7-7.30pm many Muslims might be in a hurry to reach home to break their fast, so expect some Formula 1 scenes on the roads. Be more patient while driving this coming month.

Again, and as always, I want to stress that these tips are not only useful for Ramadan but for the whole year.

I’m always excited for the expats during the Holy Month because I feel they experience our faith and culture in a more authentic way.

May God bless us all.

Ali Al Saloom is a cultural adviser and public speaker from the UAE. Follow @AskAli on Twitter, and visit www.ask-ali.com to ask him a question.