I lead a team in a fast-paced environment and we often have healthy debates about sales tactics, changes that are coming in, etc. While I like my staff to be disruptive and engage in dialogue with different views, I have a couple of team members who appear conflict-averse. They will do anything to avoid disagreement. How do I bring them into the conversation? CS, Abu Dhabi
Many teams are diverse in nature from nationality to age, and especially when it comes to personalities. Our personality influences our approach to conflict and what may be seen by some as healthy debates can be viewed by others as direct confrontation.
Some of us adopt a competing approach where we are assertive but generally uncooperative. This is where someone pursues their own concerns first and foremost. Typically they will stand up for their rights and defend their position fearlessly, with winning being the main objective. In a sales environment like yours, those healthy debates or tactical sales discussions may be considered rather competitive in nature. If you also have an element of competition in your own approach you may unknowingly favour and encourage this type of behaviour, leaving your timid colleagues feeling slightly out of sorts.
For some going into what you may see as an open dialogue, may in fact feel like going into the boxing ring. Rather than putting our hands up to fight, we will cooperate and neglect our own concerns to satisfy the other person. You may have individuals on your team who keep quiet or follow another person’s position even if they do not necessarily agree with it.
You may also have some who avoid conflict completely, preferring not to acknowledge it. This doesn’t help them pursue their own concerns or help bring different ideas into the mix. These people are likely to sidestep or hide behind their workload so they don’t have to tackle an issue, so you have to find ways of bringing them into the conversation.
To bring the “conflict-averse” into the fold without frustrating more assertive team members, you must promote collaboration through an attempt to work with others to find a solution that satisfies both sides. This could be exploring issues in an appropriate manner and by giving everyone room to speak. However, in reality groups find it hard to truly collaborate and so they opt for compromise where an acceptable solution is found that partially satisfies both parties. This may require a structured conversation with you as referee where you bring everyone into the conversation one by one.
Remember conflict avoiders are those who prefer to keep harmony at work, whereas those who are comfortable with challenge don’t mind rocking the boat now and again. It is important you help those averse to confrontation realise that they will not offend or upset anyone by sharing their views and any feedback they receive from others is supportive of their own learning, helping them improve their performance.
Another point is that some people are just more comfortable than others with emotionally charged situations and you may need to reassure your quieter group members to start getting more comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. Encourage them to share their feelings and their views as delays can make things worse and you don’t want to miss out on a valuable perspective. They have to understand that speaking up won’t be held against them.
My main recommendation is to work with the different approaches to conflict and from this you can then create an open space that allows for both challenge, collaboration and compromise. My final piece of advice is to not be your own judge of what a “healthy debate” may look and feel like, instead ask your most conflict adverse team member how they feel and then make the necessary adjustments.
Doctor’s prescription:
We all naturally approach conflict in different ways. As a leader you must appreciate how different styles play out in the meeting room, including your own. Create conditions where people are willing to meet in the middle to reach satisfactory outcomes. Prepare them to fight when necessary but also to put the gloves down and listen when they can.
Alex Davda is a business psychologist and client director at Ashridge Executive Education, Hult International Business School, and is based in the Middle East. Email him at business@thenational.ae for advice on any work issues.
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