"I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?" These are the wise, wry words of the American comedian Milton Berle. Filling out tax forms can be scary, regardless of whether you are being honest or hiding information.
Hiding money is what a certain someone living in the United Kingdom wanted to do when he asked to funnel returns from investments through my account here in the UAE - the answer to which was a categorical no.
Americans, look away now. Many of us expatriates enjoy the rewards of a tax-free income, but what legal options are open to us if we go home?
The wealthier you are, the more options you have if you live in the UK, which is why a furore broke out this week ahead of next month's general election. The bone of contention is the tax status of certain individuals. More on this later.
But first, a friend nails it when he says that never again will he work for free for half the year - referring to his high tax bracket back in London. This brings to mind a suggested IRS (the American government agency responsible for tax collection) motto: "We have what it takes to take what you have".
This friend only took home the pay for about half a year's work - 40 per cent went to the tax man, and he didn't like it. Avoiding being taxed is one reason people seek voluntary exile and become expats - unless you're American, in which case nowhere is safe.
Americans suffer being taxed on worldwide income and assets (although they are exempt from the first $100,000 or so in most cases). Most are not happy with this, if we are to extrapolate from a survey carried out at the end of last year, where 73 per cent of US expats taking part said they would voluntarily relinquish their citizenship because of Fatca - the 2010 American global tax law concerning foreign assets. This is what Tina Turner did in 2013, and what a Facebook co-founder did the year before.
And just as the US will pursue its citizens, so will others - the Indian government is back in the press this week promising to crack down on nationals dodging tax by not declaring overseas assets and income. It's not just corrupt politicians and wealthy business people - whom India's finance minister refers to - who will be outed if the UAE agrees to share information around ownership.
Some have options other than breaking the law to bring down tax bills. In the UK, one way is to be classed as non-domiciled, which means you pay an annual fee to live there but avoid paying income tax on earnings generated outside the country. But it's by no means an option for the hard-working masses.
A rule of thumb to taxation is that if you live in the UK, you are taxed on what you earn. How much depends on your circumstances and what you make. If you reside and work abroad, you do not pay tax on earnings generated overseas while an expat, provided you do not stay more than 91 days in the UK during any one tax year. What has the public agitated is that some of the country's wealthiest individuals have been able to enjoy life in England while not paying tax on worldwide income. Their non-domiciled status comes cheaper than paying taxes on their worldwide income. How much depends on how long they've lived there - the entry level fee is £30,000 (Dh162,150). This means that the seriously rich get away with enjoying their wealth, and deciding where to live, while British expatriates diligently count up days not to overstay, or spend sleepless nights fretting over whether they've filled in returns properly.
As an expatriate, I look at this and wonder whether it would work for people like us.
You don't need to be mega rich to benefit from non-domiciled status. If you plan to live in the UK, then calculate what you'd pay out in income tax on all earnings and compare it with the annual fee. If you're lucky enough to receive a big payout - such as capital gains - the fee could be to your advantage. The other thing to note is that you can dip in and out of non-domiciled status depending on your tax liabilities for any specific year.
There's a lot to be said for tax when society benefits - but this isn't always the case. So until the politicians sort it out, I urge you to do as Nixon said:
"Make sure you pay your taxes; otherwise you can get in a lot of trouble."
Nima Abu Wardeh is the founder of the personal finance website cashy.me. You can reach her at nima@cashy.me

Smart approach is the best tax shelter
Nima Abu Wardeh ponders over the challenges for expats filling out their income tax forms.
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