When Tara Parkinson returned to work after the birth of her second child, she quickly realised it was a step too far. Having children changed her attitude towards her career as a programme manager for British American Tobacco and she often struggled to meet the demands of work and home. The crunch came after a neighbour called her to say her daughter, then four, was wandering around in the street outside her house after the nanny had let her out.
"I turned to my husband and said, 'I just can't do this anymore'," recalls the 38-year-old Briton. "Our son was six months at the time and we couldn't trust our nanny. It got to the stage where no matter what I had to give up it wasn't more important than our children's welfare. "Working with one child was manageable, but two was too much. I wasn't able to give 100 per cent to the job and I was tearing around in my lunch hour picking up my daughter from nursery and dropping her home.
"Did I feel guilty? Yes, all the time. I missed all the parties, all the play dates and was always the mum at school who'd forgotten it was fancy-dress that day." So in a bid to redress the balance in her life, Mrs Parkinson - who moved to Dubai in 2000 with her husband Andy, 37, a sales manager for IBM - resigned in 2007. But turning her back on a Dh35,000 monthly salary that came with a company car, business-class flights for the entire family, health insurance, school fees, utilities, petrol and a housing allowance on top was not easy.
"At first I wasn't ready to switch off," she recalls. "So I worked part-time for a friend who'd set up a project management company for [a monthly salary of] Dh10,000. But it was harder work for a lot less money and I'd find myself trying to work in the afternoon, which wasn't the aim of it all. I left after three months." Mrs Parkinson's story is a classic example of the impossible dilemma every career woman faces after having children. Do they return to work or give it all up? And for those who decide to quit, saying goodbye to a career they've spent five, 10 or even 15 years building up can be a hard adjustment.
"The transition from a full-time seasoned female professional to a dedicated stay-at-home mum is never easy," says Amer Zureikat, vice president of the Dubai-based job portal Bayt.com. "The shift from meetings, strategic planning, career development and promotional activities to toys, bottles, nurseries and then schools requires time, effort and a certain selective amnesia vis-à- vis the notion of a 'career' - at least for a certain period of time."
But while Mrs Parkinson willingly quit her career, American mother of one Dharmangi Bhatia found the transition was a little harder because the decision was forced upon her. Mrs Bhatia had returned to work as a hedge-fund manager in New York after her daughter's birth in 2007 when her husband, Ranjeet, 34, an oil trader, was relocated to Dubai. She joined him soon afterwards, but finding a position that matched her Dh1m annual salary and high level proved impossible
"I didn't want to give up work at all," she says. "I loved it too much, but when I looked over here at the beginning of 2008 I didn't like the opportunities offered or the pay scale. "Then the credit crunch hit and the interviews dried up completely, so I decided to take some time off and focus on my daughter," says Mrs Bhatia, who is currently in New York on holiday with her daughter. "From a financial point of view, it wasn't a huge problem because my husband earns a similar salary to mine, though his fluctuates a lot more depending on when it's a good or bad year.
"But the thing I struggled with the most was at dinner parties when people ask 'what do you do?' and switch off when you say you're a full-time mum. It bothered me that a mother has no value in life. But I'm not the sort of woman who's happy not working anyway." For teacher Nina Millar, 33, giving up work and relying solely on her husband's income had more of a psychological impact than a financial one.
Mrs Millar, who headed the English department at the Dubai Secondary School before quitting to have her son last summer, struggled with the loss of independence that her own income gave her. "Even though my income was not something we depended on I still felt like I was contributing to the team, so not earning was hard. I remember buying some clothes and feeling no joy because I was spending Alexander's money and it felt wrong. I felt really depressed afterwards. I'd bought these clothes and thought somehow I hadn't earned that treat.
"But my husband has been brilliant about reassuring me that I'm doing a job he values and says my role is still a huge contribution." Mrs Millar, who moved to Dubai in 2007 with her husband Alexander, 33, who works in financial sales, earned Dh13,400 a month with health insurance, a flight home, two school places and a Dh80,000 housing allowance to put towards the rent on their three-bedroom Umm Suqueim villa.
"Initially I planned to return after a year, but I think I always questioned how easy it would be," she says. "But I was lucky I had a choice. Yes, we have to discuss finances a lot more, but the biggest change was working out how to manage our money such as whether or not I should get an allowance, something I decided against." For Mrs Parkinson, the decision to quit work was not so straightforward. With rents spiralling out of control, the couple had to sit down and calculate exactly how they were going to cope financially.
"At the time we were living in a three-bedroom villa in The Lakes where rents were controlled at Dh93,000, but when they were sold off the rents doubled overnight - something we could not afford on one salary. But then a lot of things happened at the same time to make it all possible financially," says Mrs Parkinson, who has since had a third child. First, a five-bedroom house the couple had bought off-plan in Arabian Ranches for Dh2.5 million was completed so they had an affordable home to move into. Then they sold one of their two properties in the UK to free up Dh250,000 in cash to landscape the garden of their new home, buy a second car to replace Mrs Parkinson's company car and cover new expenses such as service fees on the house and school fees.
"Since then, Andy's had a couple of promotions which has helped enormously," adds Mrs Parkinson. "We don't save nearly as much and every month there's a big financial surprise such as service fees or car insurance so it's pretty much down to the wire. But I think we've got by with a lot of luck." Mrs Bhatia has made up for her lack of job by launching Sway2theHeart - a healthy children's catering company - an idea inspired by the nutritious food she fed her young daughter.
Investing Dh1m of her own savings into the business, she plans to open a child-friendly restaurant and offer children's cooking classes. "I'd still like to go back to what I was doing before, but not until I've completed this," she adds. "I've invested so much time and money into the project and I want to finish it first." While Mrs Bhatia is confidant about her return to working life, for others stepping back into an office after investing all their energy into their offspring for several years can be quite nerve-wracking.
But Bayt.com's Mr Zureikat says there are plenty of ways women can stay up to date during their time at home. "To pave a smoother way back into the workforce after a long career break, women should read up on industry happenings and the latest trends in their respective fields, engage in professional online networks and volunteer in their field when they have a chance," he says. But it's not only working mothers who need to stay up to date; employers can also help by offering women a better work/life balance or well paid part-time work.
"I'd definitely consider part-time," says Mrs Millar, who had been teaching for five years after switching from a career in marketing. "But timetables don't always lend themselves to part-time and I'm not sure it would be that cost-effective." According to Bayt.com's recent Women in Middle East Workplace survey, 72 per cent of women in the UAE would extend their working life if employers provided better facilities and 25 per cent have approached their employers regarding the option of flexible hours.
"Flexible timings, job sharing and day-care facilities are still top of the list for women who wish to be a mother and a working professional in the Middle East," adds Mr Zureikat. But whatever the options on offer, Mrs Parkinson has no intention of returning to office life in the near future. "I spent 15 years building up my career and, while I'd like to go back for the mental stimulation, time-wise it's a no," she says. "This is a special time for me and I won't waste that time thinking about all the things I could be doing professionally. Right now with the children at the ages that they are, this is the right thing for me."
@Email:pf@thenational.ae
Managing on one income
Three professional women who gave up their careers after starting a family talk about how they and their spouses made room in the budget for a new life as a stay-at-home mum.
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