The women’s majlis: This time, anorexia, I will get my way

Roudha Al Gergawi details her battles with the eating disorder.

She was positive, carefree and full of life. The little girl was the youngest of three siblings, and, like many youngest ones, she received all the attention and always got her way. She had unconditional support in anything she thought of pursuing. The sky was her limit, but suddenly this girl’s world came crashing down.

Now a teenager, she found herself lost in a world of confusion; a world that didn’t provide her with answers to the agonising questions lingering in her mind.

Slowly, she began to look for answers, but the world around her felt so out of control. It got the best of her, and the only thing that she felt she had control over was herself. The confusion turned into sadness, and, in a few years, this sadness took over her life. She began to slowly isolate herself from those around her, stopped eating and turned into the person that people never thought she’d become. She was always on edge, unsociable, easily irritated and unhappy.

Her parents began to notice that their little girl was not herself any more and was slipping away before their eyes. What concerned them the most was her physical health. She was pale, weak and had lost so much weight. They took her to many doctors, who asked numerous questions and carried out many tests, but the answer always came back the same: “Everything’s fine – your daughter is just spoilt, stubborn and seeking attention.”

This angered her. But her parents didn’t give up; they wanted their little girl back at any cost. Not convinced with the results, they took her to a psychiatrist. She was immediately diagnosed with anorexia. Anorexia is an eating disorder characterised by excessive weight loss, depression and anxiety. It’s a serious mental illness. Although her family suspected that she had some sort of eating disorder, it was still a shock to them that their girl was anorexic. It was hard on them, as much as it was on her, to know that she had been suffering the whole time.

That little girl was me. Ever since my diagnosis, I decided to take control over what had been controlling me all along. I was admitted into an eating-disorder unit for a month and went through intense therapy, but things didn’t go as planned. The treatment I needed was unsuccessful, because change didn’t come from within.

The beginning of my recovery was extremely hard; I sometimes felt like giving up, but my family’s support made the difference. They played an important role in this journey. They made me recognise that I’m stronger than this illness. They were patient, believed in me and pulled me up when I was down. I now realise that the journey to my recovery was always there, but I was blinded. I failed to see that part of the solution was always there – my family, but mostly me.

I sometimes wonder why me? Why did this happen? But through this journey, I have learnt to not let the past get in the way of my present and instead live every day as it is. This eating disorder made me the proud person that I am today. The road to recovery might be long, and I still have some good days and bad days. But this time, anorexia, I will get my way.

Roudha Al Gergawi, 17, is a first-year university student.

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