The women’s majlis: Humility isn’t the same as modes

Isn’t being humble the same as being modest? If her soft scorn at the word “modest” was any indication, Maya Angelou clearly didn’t think so. Before I get into this, though, let me explain why this is an important part of what I do.

A few months ago, I sat down to watch the Oprah presents Master Class show, featuring the late Maya Angelou, during a much-needed mother-and-daughter evening. I don't need to recount her story, which was inspiring and powerful. There was such significant weight in everything she said.

There was one point in the interview that got my attention, though, on how to conduct yourself through your work, she said: “Be humble. Don’t be modest, but be humble.”

This clear differentiation made me sit up. Isn’t being humble the same as being modest? If her soft scorn at the word “modest” was any indication, Angelou clearly didn’t think so. Before I get into this, though, let me explain why this is an important part of what I do.

Like Angelou, I too believe in being humble, especially when it comes to my writing. I’ve read so many books, experienced the different writing styles of different writers, and learnt (and still am learning) from all of them. In my state of humbleness (or modesty, I thought at the time), I’m grounded and open to absorb everything I read. It became especially important when I met my writing peers, read their work and shared mine with them.

I’ve seen people focus more on garnering attention than honing their craft. I had an irrational fear of this happening to me. So when compliments started coming, as much as I enjoyed it, I’d shy away from it, and dodge it. It’s not like I didn’t want compliments – it’s an amazing confidence boost – but it made me wary of turning into an egomaniac.

I did all this in my mission to remain grounded, humble and modest. So when I heard Angelou’s opinion, it made me question what I was doing all this time.

After some research, I found that Angelou spoke extensively about why she preferred humbleness to modesty. In an interview in 2000, she explains the nature of modesty. “Timidity makes a person modest,” she said. “It makes him or her say: ‘I’m not worthy of being written up in the record of deeds in heaven or on Earth.’ Timidity keeps people from their good. They are afraid to say: ‘Yes, I deserve it.’”

To Angelou, modesty is the enemy of talent – a rejection, even. And how can you claim to love what you do if you reject it that way?

So Angelou preferred humbleness; acknowledging that you have a gift, that you own this gift completely, and know the extent of its greatness to continue doing what you do.

It has been a few months since I’ve watched that interview, and I’m grateful for this lesson. I’ve acted less like an undignified schoolgirl since then. I can now say “Thank you” to compliments with semi-confidence. Eventually, I’ll get to feeling secure in carrying this gift inspired by her, and many others like her, with a dash of her humility.

Asma Al Jailani is a blogger and writer living in Abu Dhabi.

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