Rebranding denim as a new trend is somewhat senseless. Denim, like the little black dress, has more to do with ease (here’s a first), style and taste than it does popular culture or consumerism. But don’t be fooled, denim is a sneaky little one; in that the correct cut can serve us well – yet, often, because of not knowing exactly what to buy, we end up blindingly following the law of dominance, rather than what actually works.
Mostly the problems arise with the sheer amount of choice: low rise, medium wash, wide leg, straight leg, distressed, skinny, s-u-p-e-r skinny – the endless opportunity and possibility is so relentless, that we tend to stick to the same old trusted formula. Those "out-of-fashion" or "pre-pregnancy" jeans slump sadly, next to the other desolate items of clothing in our wardrobes quietly gaining momentum with their taunts.
The problem is that jeans, like a true friend, will tell you the truth, unlike the good old smock dress that has us both basking in a certain level of mutual cake contentment. Their opinion holds weight – their gaze hiding nothing. A slight strain on the button, as annoying as it is, comes with weighted reality. “You don’t fit me anymore” they’ll sing, “time for some action” tra la la. If enough time is allowed to pass, the old f-a-i-l-u-r-e chorus will hum delightedly from the hangers. Which is rather sad, for nothing can cradle your assets so effectively than the perfect pair.
It’s hard work looking naturally undone past the age of 30.That’s not to say it isn’t doable. Of course, the promise of ease never comes without groundwork. Like most things, feeling comfortable takes effort, diligence and a little endurance. Nothing to fear, here.
My advice: try, try and try again. Then buy, buy and buy again. Forget about the gimmick. With denim there is no time for radical views – it is certainly not something that can or should be manufactured. Forget colours, rhinestones, low-rise hipsters or "interesting" washes – they are the fair-weather friends of the denim world that will ditch you for a better version faster than a sail to the wind.
We need to analyse our shape and be rather brutal in its failings. For a boyish figure (straight) go for a slim fit. A higher waist line will work wonders in creating curves, as will denim with detailing at the hips. A pear-shaped body (those poor sods that tend to carry weight in the the hips, rear and legs) need to opt for a mid-rise to elongate the legs. Be sure to stay away from high-waisted jeans as it only accentuates the "roundness".
Denim has immense capability to flatten the stomach, so if you want to minimise your middle, look for denim that will provide a little more “give”, especially around the waistline. Be certain to avoid any decoration or embellishment around the pockets as they will only draw the eye outwards.
Fit, they say, is everything. So don’t forget to leave the changing room and walk around; sit, stand, do a few star jumps if you like (just be sure the coast is clear) and remember to check the rearview mirror. Twice.
Lastly, be realistic. Finding the right pair of jeans – a pair that fits now, a pair you can easily touch your toes in without a searing yelp (or split) – is far more rewarding than holding out in the hope we will reach that unobtainable goal: that all-familiar, smarter, prettier, smaller-bottomed, dreamlike, honeyed version of ourselves.
A good pair of jeans, like a real friend, should never punish us but support us.
ktrotter@thenational.ae
