ABU DHABI // The General Women's Union will begin offering classes next month to prepare young men and women for marriage, in an effort to curb divorce in the country. The premarital classes are part of a programme that began last week with a lecture aimed at encouraging divorced and separated couples to keep children shielded from conflict, and will be expanded to include lectures and workshops on helping couples at various stages of married life.
"We have to raise awareness across society," a GWU official said on the condition of anonymity. "Our goal is to educate people about the responsibilities of marriage. There seems to be an impression that everything will be easy." The Marriage Fund also offers lectures on married life and sexual relations for those claiming their bursaries. The GWU course is being held in co-operation with the Judicial Department and under the patronage of Sheikha Fatima bint Mubarak, the widow of Sheikh Zayed, founder of the UAE.
The younger generation is often torn between traditional values and encroaching lifestyles, especially from the West. The result is increased strain on marriages, the GWU official said. Classes on living in a marriage have become necessary, she said, because of a seeming breakdown in communication between generations, and among today's young couples who face many challenges their parents did not.
Dr Fatma Sayegh, a professor specialising in woman's issues at UAE University in Al Ain, said many of the problems plaguing marriages in the country could be addressed by better preparing couples. Dr Sayegh, who has conducted several studies on divorce in the UAE, said many couples were married too young and did not fully understanding its significance. "Many young people are not taking marriage seriously," she said. "That's why after two or three months many take a divorce. There has to be more awareness that marriage is not just a wedding, a party and white gowns.
"That's why after two or three months many take a divorce. There has to be more awareness that marriage is not just a wedding, a party and white gowns. Marriage is responsibility. There needs to be counselling not only when they go to court for a divorce, but before they go to court and before they get married." There are no official statistics on divorce in the UAE. The GWU has approached the Judicial Department to begin gathering figures, as well as the main reasons cited when married couples split. A spokeswoman for the Judicial Department said the authority was in the process of compiling the data. According to the UN's statistics division, the number of divorces in the country rose 13 per cent, to 12,974 a year, from 2002 to 2004. Tony Maalouli, a divorce lawyer and the managing director of Dubai-based ProConsult Advocates, said he thought the high number of expatriates in the Emirates, with different values and lifestyles, had created problems. "If there's a lot of exposure to other nations and other ways of life, then this can put extra strain on the marriage," Mr Maalouli said. One reason the number of divorces is high in the Arab world may be the ease with which a man can divorce under Shariah law. If a man says, "I divorce thee" to his wife once, the couple have a three-month separation in which to reconcile their differences. But if a man says the phrase three times it indicates a final, irrevocable separation. Too often, that is a move taken rashly, said Sheikh Abdul Rahman Ammoura, a mufti with the fatwa call centre. "Many people take divorce very lightly and the husband utters three or more divorces at once. This then becomes a cause of great heartache and regret," Sheikh Abdul said. After declaring divorce the couple have to attend court for it to be confirmed. "Divorce is the worst and most disliked of all permissible actions," Sheikh Abdul said. "The Shariah discourages it and instructs that if a couple cannot stay together and resolve to separate, then the husband should issue one divorce. Thereafter, they should see if there is still room for reconciliation." Government-issued sermons have suggested that state religious scholars might cancel oral divorce or make it more difficult, but there has been no change. Many of the problems young married couples face are exacerbated by the fact that they don't know each other well before getting married, the GWU official said. "It's not easy to get to know and live with a guy you hardly know," she said. "Of course many problems will arise as you get to know him. These problems surface and she cannot handle it, he cannot. She should be educated about potential issues before she gets married. Him as well," she said. Dr Sayegh said the current financial crisis could add strain to marriages. Weddings can be prohibitively expensive and even with government bursaries of Dh70,000 for men that marry Emirati women, many couples begin their marriages in debt as costs for the celebrations, dowry and furnishing the marital home mount, he said. And many Emirati women often have unrealistic material expectations going into marriages. "They need to change this spend, spend, spend mentality. There is more to marriage than being provided for and things aren't always easy. Both sides go in with very high expectations and then divorce for small reasons." lmorris@thenational.ae
