I was recently at the Happiness Festival, hosting a booth and running a session about the challenges of parenthood. It became even clearer to me that we, as parents, struggle with a desire to be perfect. This desire sets us and our children up for failure and guilt. Therefore, it is important that we strive to be “good enough” as opposed to perfect parents. We need to teach our children to learn from failure, instead of fearing it. This lesson will give them the tools they need to be resilient and successful now and later.
Our desire to be perfect starts before our children are even born. We pledge that we will only ever feed our children healthy food, dress them in clean and coordinated outfits and never let them watch TV. We also have strong ideas about how we will parent. We vow to always be fair and never yell.
These goals come from a good place. Many of us are motivated to recreate the magical moments of our childhood while insulating our children from the difficult ones. We quickly learn that these goals are unrealistic, but our quest for perfection remains. This leads us to feel guilty when we inevitably fail.
Our guilt is compounded by what we see on social media. For example, we might order pizza on a weeknight because we didn’t make it to the grocery store or have no energy to cook after a long day. As we dig in, we see our friends posting their elaborate and healthy homemade feasts on Instagram. We automatically compare ourselves to our friends, the “parents of the year” who prepared that meal. Next to them, we are failures. We feel bad because we think that we let ourselves and our children down.
Please remember that what we see online is a carefully constructed, filtered version of that person’s life. They have ordered pizza too. They have skipped bathtime too. They have become frustrated with their kids too. But they will never post about that – and if they do, it will be a staged and stylised version of what actually happened.
Let go of your desire to be perfect and use those imperfect moments to teach your children to be resilient. This is an important skill for them to have as they grow up.
Resilient children have better coping strategies and problem-solving abilities. These skills make it easier for children to navigate the complex social, emotional and cognitive changes that they experience throughout their lives. Resilient children are also more likely to have a growth mindset, which emphasises grit (passion and perseverance) over innate abilities. Research by Dr Carol Dweck, a psychologist and professor at Stanford University, shows that children with a growth mindset tend to try harder and ultimately achieve more.
In the meantime, talk to your children about the adversities that you have faced in your life. Tell them what you have learnt from those difficult times.
Make it clear that you don’t expect them to be perfect either.
Don’t be hard on them when they do fail. Emphasise the importance of grit and hard work instead. Encourage them to be kind to themselves as they try again. Talk to them about what they see on social media, reminding them that it’s not entirely true.
This type of connection, support, and respect is what your children need from you. Many studies, including my peer-reviewed research on parents and families, have consistently found that strong parent-child relationships make it easier to navigate individual and family challenges. Therefore, I encourage you to stop chasing perfection for you and your family. You are “good enough”.
Dr Sarah Rasmi is a social psychologist and professor at United Arab Emirates Universit who specialises in parenting and families
On Twitter: @DrSarahRasmi
Russia's Muslim Heartlands
Dominic Rubin, Oxford
Best Academy: Ajax and Benfica
Best Agent: Jorge Mendes
Best Club : Liverpool
Best Coach: Jurgen Klopp (Liverpool)
Best Goalkeeper: Alisson Becker
Best Men’s Player: Cristiano Ronaldo
Best Partnership of the Year Award by SportBusiness: Manchester City and SAP
Best Referee: Stephanie Frappart
Best Revelation Player: Joao Felix (Atletico Madrid and Portugal)
Best Sporting Director: Andrea Berta (Atletico Madrid)
Best Women's Player: Lucy Bronze
Best Young Arab Player: Achraf Hakimi
Kooora – Best Arab Club: Al Hilal (Saudi Arabia)
Kooora – Best Arab Player: Abderrazak Hamdallah (Al-Nassr FC, Saudi Arabia)
Player Career Award: Miralem Pjanic and Ryan Giggs
The specs
Engine: 3.8-litre V6
Power: 295hp at 6,000rpm
Torque: 355Nm at 5,200rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 10.7L/100km
Price: Dh179,999-plus
On sale: now
The biog
Title: General Practitioner with a speciality in cardiology
Previous jobs: Worked in well-known hospitals Jaslok and Breach Candy in Mumbai, India
Education: Medical degree from the Government Medical College in Nagpur
How it all began: opened his first clinic in Ajman in 1993
Family: a 90-year-old mother, wife and two daughters
Remembers a time when medicines from India were purchased per kilo
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Xpanceo
Started: 2018
Founders: Roman Axelrod, Valentyn Volkov
Based: Dubai, UAE
Industry: Smart contact lenses, augmented/virtual reality
Funding: $40 million
Investor: Opportunity Venture (Asia)
THE SPECS
Engine: 1.5-litre turbocharged four-cylinder
Transmission: Constant Variable (CVT)
Power: 141bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Price: Dh64,500
On sale: Now
Diriyah project at a glance
- Diriyah’s 1.9km King Salman Boulevard, a Parisian Champs-Elysees-inspired avenue, is scheduled for completion in 2028
- The Royal Diriyah Opera House is expected to be completed in four years
- Diriyah’s first of 42 hotels, the Bab Samhan hotel, will open in the first quarter of 2024
- On completion in 2030, the Diriyah project is forecast to accommodate more than 100,000 people
- The $63.2 billion Diriyah project will contribute $7.2 billion to the kingdom’s GDP
- It will create more than 178,000 jobs and aims to attract more than 50 million visits a year
- About 2,000 people work for the Diriyah Company, with more than 86 per cent being Saudi citizens
The Energy Research Centre
Founded 50 years ago as a nuclear research institute, scientists at the centre believed nuclear would be the “solution for everything”.
Although they still do, they discovered in 1955 that the Netherlands had a lot of natural gas. “We still had the idea that, by 2000, it would all be nuclear,” said Harm Jeeninga, director of business and programme development at the centre.
"In the 1990s, we found out about global warming so we focused on energy savings and tackling the greenhouse gas effect.”
The energy centre’s research focuses on biomass, energy efficiency, the environment, wind and solar, as well as energy engineering and socio-economic research.
Company profile
Company name: Ogram
Started: 2017
Founders: Karim Kouatly and Shafiq Khartabil
Based: Dubai, UAE
Industry: On-demand staffing
Number of employees: 50
Funding: More than $4 million
Funding round: Series A
Investors: Global Ventures, Aditum and Oraseya Capital
Neil Thomson – THE BIO
Family: I am happily married to my wife Liz and we have two children together.
Favourite music: Rock music. I started at a young age due to my father’s influence. He played in an Indian rock band The Flintstones who were once asked by Apple Records to fly over to England to perform there.
Favourite book: I constantly find myself reading The Bible.
Favourite film: The Greatest Showman.
Favourite holiday destination: I love visiting Melbourne as I have family there and it’s a wonderful place. New York at Christmas is also magical.
Favourite food: I went to boarding school so I like any cuisine really.
Confirmed bouts (more to be added)
Cory Sandhagen v Umar Nurmagomedov
Nick Diaz v Vicente Luque
Michael Chiesa v Tony Ferguson
Deiveson Figueiredo v Marlon Vera
Mackenzie Dern v Loopy Godinez
Tickets for the August 3 Fight Night, held in partnership with the Department of Culture and Tourism Abu Dhabi, went on sale earlier this month, through www.etihadarena.ae and www.ticketmaster.ae.
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SPECS
Engine: 4-litre V8 twin-turbo
Power: 630hp
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: 8-speed Tiptronic automatic
Price: From Dh599,000
On sale: Now
SPECS: Polestar 3
Engine: Long-range dual motor with 400V battery
Power: 360kW / 483bhp
Torque: 840Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Max touring range: 628km
0-100km/h: 4.7sec
Top speed: 210kph
Price: From Dh360,000
On sale: September
COMPANY PROFILE
Company name: Almouneer
Started: 2017
Founders: Dr Noha Khater and Rania Kadry
Based: Egypt
Number of staff: 120
Investment: Bootstrapped, with support from Insead and Egyptian government, seed round of
$3.6 million led by Global Ventures
Herc's Adventures
Developer: Big Ape Productions
Publisher: LucasArts
Console: PlayStation 1 & 5, Sega Saturn
Rating: 4/5
The Iron Claw
Director: Sean Durkin
Starring: Zac Efron, Jeremy Allen White, Harris Dickinson, Maura Tierney, Holt McCallany, Lily James
Rating: 4/5
Need to know
When: October 17 until November 10
Cost: Entry is free but some events require prior registration
Where: Various locations including National Theatre (Abu Dhabi), Abu Dhabi Cultural Center, Zayed University Promenade, Beach Rotana (Abu Dhabi), Vox Cinemas at Yas Mall, Sharjah Youth Center
What: The Korea Festival will feature art exhibitions, a B-boy dance show, a mini K-pop concert, traditional dance and music performances, food tastings, a beauty seminar, and more.
For more information: www.koreafestivaluae.com
Dengue fever symptoms
High fever (40°C/104°F)
Severe headache
Pain behind the eyes
Muscle and joint pains
Nausea
Vomiting
Swollen glands
Rash
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Specs: 2024 McLaren Artura Spider
Engine: 3.0-litre twin-turbo V6 and electric motor
Max power: 700hp at 7,500rpm
Max torque: 720Nm at 2,250rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed dual-clutch auto
0-100km/h: 3.0sec
Top speed: 330kph
Price: From Dh1.14 million ($311,000)
On sale: Now
The five pillars of Islam
THE FLASH
Director: Andy Muschietti
Stars: Sasha Calle, Ben Affleck, Ezra Miller
Rating: 3/5