Are you the golden child? If not, it might be your fault

Researchers initially believed mothers would favour daughters, while fathers would favour sons

Children who are conscientious appear to be more favoured. Getty Images

Ask most children with siblings and they will probably say it is true parents have favourites – and now a study has confirmed it.

And if it was not you, there is a good chance you are the problem, because parents are more likely to favour children who are easier to manage, a new study has found. Researchers investigated the link between children's characteristics and the way their parents treat them, initially believing mothers would tend to favour daughters, while fathers would favour sons. But what they actually found was that both were more likely to prefer daughters.

And children who are conscientious – in other words, responsible and organised – also appear to be favoured, suggesting parents may find them easier to manage and may respond better to them, according to the research by the American Psychological Association. When it came to birth order, parents were more likely to give older siblings greater autonomy, possibly because they were more mature, according to Dr Jensen.

But generally, factors like the child's age, parent's gender, or how favouritism was measured, were minimal, underscoring the complex process of how parents choose their favourite child. The study found parents can show favouritism in numerous ways, including how they interact with their children, how much money they spend on them and how much control they exert over them.

Researchers studied overall treatment, positive interactions, negative interactions, resource allocation and control. Getty Images

The findings are based on a meta-analysis of 30 peer-reviewed journal articles and dissertations/theses, along with 14 databases, encompassing a total of 19,469 participants. Researchers examined how birth order, gender, temperament and personality traits – including extroversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness and neuroticism – were linked to parental favouritism.

They studied overall treatment, positive interactions, negative interactions, resource allocation and control. Siblings who receive less favoured treatment tend to have poorer mental health and more strained family relationships, according to lead author Dr Alexander Jensen, an associate professor at Brigham Young University.

“For decades, researchers have known that differential treatment from parents can have lasting consequences for children,” he said. “This study helps us understand which children are more likely to be on the receiving end of favouritism, which can be both positive and negative.”

Dr Jensen said he was surprised that “extroversion” was not associated with favouritism. “Americans seem to particularly value extroverted people, but within families it may matter less,” he said. The researchers said they hope their findings will encourage parents to be more aware of their biases and strive to treat all their children fairly.

“It is important to note that this research is correlational, so it doesn't tell us why parents favour certain children,” Dr Jensen said. “However, it does highlight potential areas where parents may need to be more mindful of their interactions with their children.”

“So, the next time you're left wondering whether your sibling is the golden child, remember there is likely more going on behind the scenes than just a preference for the eldest or youngest. It might be about responsibility, temperament or just how easy or hard you are to deal with,” he said.

The research was published in the journal Psychological Bulletin.