Family

A Bollywood nightmare

A Bollywood dance class and the trials and tribulations of jazz hands.

Suryatapa Bhattacharya

February 22, 2011

After I had opened and closed an imaginary jacket, punched the air in anger, and nodded at my unknown hero with attitude, I was clutching my sides and gasping for breath.

I was having a hard time using even my hands to convey expression at a Bollywood dance class. Curious hands? Jazz hands? Punch hands? My "curious" was confused with jazz, my jazz wasn't jazzy enough and my punches were puny.

It was serious Bollywood business and, as I had suspected all along, I wasn't cut out for it.

Never mind the preferred colour of skin that the industry likes, I wasn't even going to qualify on the basic level of fitness (which the industry has recently embraced in an overwhelming way... what with even actresses sporting abs).

How and when did Bollywood arrive at such a strenuous routine? The song and dance once involved buxom women emulating a form of Indian classical dance. Soon there were background dancers. Somewhere in the 1980s troupes, sometimes numbering in their hundreds, were introduced to mimic the steps behind the actors serenading each other. Lately, though, the dance routines, much like the one I was attempting, resembled a class of Pilates-fit bodies at work.

Faster! Faster! five, six, seven, eight... the instructor pressed on. Imagine trying to do a pirouette just after you've been jumping up and down, and left to right, signalling an imaginary hero. Instead of landing on my right foot, I went headfirst towards a stack of yoga mats.

So, this was my quandary even though most attending this dance-fitness session were doing it for the fun of it (there were a few reluctant to admit to their Bollywood dreams, but still): how hard does a backup dancer work? And how much harder must a Bollywood actor practise to look like they do on screen? Let's face it, it always looks effortless.

Because believe me, this business of Bollywood dancing on screen is a nightmare. You're asked to bring the attitude and smile. You're asked to pirouette on demand.

And there I was, amid the attitude-tweaking, slight shoulder-jerking dance instructions. Rock bottom came soon enough. Unlike the 13-year-old or the 41-year-old next to me, I was not able to bring myself to co-ordinate my "curious hands" going one way with my head swinging the other way.

This weekend I watched a series of Bollywood music videos and cringed at the obvious. These intricate song and dance routines are supposed to look as effortless as possible. And no, not all Indians, including me, are up to speed on it. Yet.

While you're here
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Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.

Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.

“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.

Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.

“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.

Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.

From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.

Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.

BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.

Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.

Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.

“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.

Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.

“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.

“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”

The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”

If you go

The flights 

Emirates flies from Dubai to Funchal via Lisbon, with a connecting flight with Air Portugal. Economy class returns cost from Dh3,845 return including taxes.

The trip

The WalkMe app can be downloaded from the usual sources. If you don’t fancy doing the trip yourself, then Explore  offers an eight-day levada trails tour from Dh3,050, not including flights.

The hotel

There isn’t another hotel anywhere in Madeira that matches the history and luxury of the Belmond Reid's Palace in Funchal. Doubles from Dh1,400 per night including taxes.