The Fantastic Four’s Thing takes a swing, but there’s no saving this superhero flop. Twentieth Century Fox via AP
The Fantastic Four’s Thing takes a swing, but there’s no saving this superhero flop. Twentieth Century Fox via AP
The Fantastic Four’s Thing takes a swing, but there’s no saving this superhero flop. Twentieth Century Fox via AP
The Fantastic Four’s Thing takes a swing, but there’s no saving this superhero flop. Twentieth Century Fox via AP

Film review: Fantastic Four is an unmitigated disaster that threatens franchise’s future


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Fantastic Four

Director: Josh Trank

Starring: Miles Teller, Michael B Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell

1 star

It's something of a poisoned chalice to review the Fantastic Four reboot a week after it opened in US cinemas and attracted some of the worst reviews of any recent blockbuster movie.

Just like you should never kick an injured puppy – or a healthy one, for that matter – you actually find yourself desperately hoping to find some positives in a movie that has already been roundly booted all over the international press. Can it really be that bad? The answer is a resounding “yes”.

There may be some mitigating factors for director Josh Trank (Chronicle), who famously went on a since-deleted Twitter diatribe slating the movie on the eve of its US release. For more on the behind-the-scenes production problems that reportedly plagued the film, see our story elsewhere on these pages – but it's notable that insiders have said Trank was removed from the editing suite by the studio before he had a chance to work on the final act, which was completed in his absence.

This would explain why it is so utterly out of step with everything that had gone before.

Watching the film, though, you can’t help thinking that Fox, which is said to have removed three massive action sequences from the script shortly before filming began, may have been right to cut its losses on a rapidly tanking (could “Tranking” become a new word for blockbuster movies that flop spectacularly?) project that still left it US$120million out of pocket.

The movie spends a good 70 minutes of its running time on an overblown origins story (no doubt with an eye on a now-unlikely-looking series of sequels), yet still somehow fails to establish any believable relationships between the central characters.

In fact, there is not even a comprehensible version of their back-stories – which is surely one of the main points of an origins story.

From the lack of any tangible evidence of a relationship between supposed childhood friends Reed Richards/Mr Fantastic (Miles Teller) and Ben Grimm/The Thing (Jamie Bell), to some poorly explained pseudoscientific guff involving interdimensional portals, the movie is a narrative disaster from the start.

It transforms two thirds of the way through the running time into a hastily arranged “save the world” scenario, with no real explanation of why, or how, the Four’s nemesis, Doctor Doom, was planning to destroy it in the first place. The plot makes increasingly little sense as it stumbles from one apparently unrelated scene to the next.

If anything good comes out of the disaster that is Fantastic Four, it will surely be that studios will learn that you can't just recycle, reboot and retell the origin of every comic-book superhero over and over again and expect audiences to lap it up and turn out in droves to buy tickets like compliant drones.

With Marvel's more successful Avengers-related films still going strong, along with Fox's expanding X-Men universe, and as DC Comics finally starts to ramp up production on its expanded shared universe of characters, including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Green Lantern, comic-book movie adaptations do seem to be reaching critical mass.

We can only hope that the studios will at least check themselves in the wake of this cinematic disaster and ensure that their superhero movies reach at least basic levels of quality and competence.

They need to remember that, ultimately, a good movie is a good movie and a bad movie is a bad movie, regardless of which Marvel, DC or other banner is attached to it.

cnewbould@thenational.ae

The Details

Article 15
Produced by: Carnival Cinemas, Zee Studios
Directed by: Anubhav Sinha
Starring: Ayushmann Khurrana, Kumud Mishra, Manoj Pahwa, Sayani Gupta, Zeeshan Ayyub
Our rating: 4/5 

KEY DEVELOPMENTS IN MARITIME DISPUTE

2000: Israel withdraws from Lebanon after nearly 30 years without an officially demarcated border. The UN establishes the Blue Line to act as the frontier.

2007: Lebanon and Cyprus define their respective exclusive economic zones to facilitate oil and gas exploration. Israel uses this to define its EEZ with Cyprus

2011: Lebanon disputes Israeli-proposed line and submits documents to UN showing different EEZ. Cyprus offers to mediate without much progress.

2018: Lebanon signs first offshore oil and gas licencing deal with consortium of France’s Total, Italy’s Eni and Russia’s Novatek.

2018-2019: US seeks to mediate between Israel and Lebanon to prevent clashes over oil and gas resources.

The figures behind the event

1) More than 300 in-house cleaning crew

2) 165 staff assigned to sanitise public areas throughout the show

3) 1,000 social distancing stickers

4) 809 hand sanitiser dispensers placed throughout the venue

How to watch Ireland v Pakistan in UAE

When: The one-off Test starts on Friday, May 11
What time: Each day’s play is scheduled to start at 2pm UAE time.
TV: The match will be broadcast on OSN Sports Cricket HD. Subscribers to the channel can also stream the action live on OSN Play.

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%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDeveloper%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMax%20Inferno%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EConsoles%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20PC%2C%20Mac%2C%20Nintendo%20Switch%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E4%2F5%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Real estate tokenisation project

Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.

The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.

Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.

Results

57kg quarter-finals

Zakaria Eljamari (UAE) beat Hamed Al Matari (YEM) by points 3-0.

60kg quarter-finals

Ibrahim Bilal (UAE) beat Hyan Aljmyah (SYR) RSC round 2.

63.5kg quarter-finals

Nouredine Samir (UAE) beat Shamlan A Othman (KUW) by points 3-0.

67kg quarter-finals

Mohammed Mardi (UAE) beat Ahmad Ondash (LBN) by points 2-1.

71kg quarter-finals

Ahmad Bahman (UAE) defeated Lalthasanga Lelhchhun (IND) by points 3-0.

Amine El Moatassime (UAE) beat Seyed Kaveh Safakhaneh (IRI) by points 3-0.

81kg quarter-finals

Ilyass Habibali (UAE) beat Ahmad Hilal (PLE) by points 3-0

It Was Just an Accident

Director: Jafar Panahi

Stars: Vahid Mobasseri, Mariam Afshari, Ebrahim Azizi, Hadis Pakbaten, Majid Panahi, Mohamad Ali Elyasmehr

Rating: 4/5

World record transfers

1. Kylian Mbappe - to Real Madrid in 2017/18 - €180 million (Dh770.4m - if a deal goes through)
2. Paul Pogba - to Manchester United in 2016/17 - €105m
3. Gareth Bale - to Real Madrid in 2013/14 - €101m
4. Cristiano Ronaldo - to Real Madrid in 2009/10 - €94m
5. Gonzalo Higuain - to Juventus in 2016/17 - €90m
6. Neymar - to Barcelona in 2013/14 - €88.2m
7. Romelu Lukaku - to Manchester United in 2017/18 - €84.7m
8. Luis Suarez - to Barcelona in 2014/15 - €81.72m
9. Angel di Maria - to Manchester United in 2014/15 - €75m
10. James Rodriguez - to Real Madrid in 2014/15 - €75m

Brief scores:

Toss: Rajputs, elected to field first

Sindhis 94-6 (10 ov)

Watson 42; Munaf 3-20

Rajputs 96-0 (4 ov)

Shahzad 74 not out

How Voiss turns words to speech

The device has a screen reader or software that monitors what happens on the screen

The screen reader sends the text to the speech synthesiser

This converts to audio whatever it receives from screen reader, so the person can hear what is happening on the screen

A VOISS computer costs between $200 and $250 depending on memory card capacity that ranges from 32GB to 128GB

The speech synthesisers VOISS develops are free

Subsequent computer versions will include improvements such as wireless keyboards

Arabic voice in affordable talking computer to be added next year to English, Portuguese, and Spanish synthesiser

Partnerships planned during Expo 2020 Dubai to add more languages

At least 2.2 billion people globally have a vision impairment or blindness

More than 90 per cent live in developing countries

The Long-term aim of VOISS to reach the technology to people in poor countries with workshops that teach them to build their own device

The biog

Favourite food: Fish and seafood

Favourite hobby: Socialising with friends

Favourite quote: You only get out what you put in!

Favourite country to visit: Italy

Favourite film: Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

Family: We all have one!

MOUNTAINHEAD REVIEW

Starring: Ramy Youssef, Steve Carell, Jason Schwartzman

Director: Jesse Armstrong

Rating: 3.5/5

UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The specs

Price: From Dh529,000

Engine: 5-litre V8

Transmission: Eight-speed auto

Power: 520hp

Torque: 625Nm

Fuel economy, combined: 12.8L/100km

Fanney Khan

Producer: T-Series, Anil Kapoor Productions, ROMP, Prerna Arora

Director: Atul Manjrekar

Cast: Anil Kapoor, Aishwarya Rai, Rajkummar Rao, Pihu Sand

Rating: 2/5