I started to pray when I was 10 years old. When my parents began to teach me about our faith, there was a list of do’s and don’ts, but never explanations as to “why”.
As I grew older, I began to question the logic behind certain rituals such as praying and fasting and my family were not able to give me satisfactory explanations. For them, religious practice was a custom handed down from our forefathers.
For me, the hardest part of following Islam was praying five times a day, every day. Even though I would say my prayers, I would feel empty afterwards.
“Prayer should give me peace and tranquillity, not emptiness,” I scolded myself. Too quickly prayers became part of my daily routine and, too often, when I knelt it was just a motion, a ritual. Many scholars I read would talk about the importance of prayer and put a stress on the punishment for skipping prayers but, in my view, many fail to highlight the reason why Allah commanded His believers to pray in the first place or to discuss the rewards of prayer.
People expect you to be “perfect” when you are a Muslim. Judgement would be quick and harsh if I ever admitted that I had failed to “perfect” my Islamic practice. People are all too quick to make judgements rather than being understanding of human weakness. It’s like being a glass vase placed on a table: once broken, the pieces never quite fit together again. Most people would still see the crack in the vase but only Allah can see what is really in your heart.
A few years back, when Islam was just a norm to me like my morning breakfast, I became furious with myself for not understanding my faith more deeply. I turned to modern technology for guidance. With the help of Uncle Google, I thought I shouldn’t have any problem studying Islam from scratch. What was I searching for? I wanted to feel the connection between myself and my creator: I knew prayer was the best way of communicating with Allah and I wanted to be sincere in my prayers.
It was during one of my online quests that I came across an Instagram account (@antique_style) that advertises pretty handmade matching prayer outfits and mats. The material comes in different flowers and is very easy on the eye. In the real world, the woman behind Antique Style is based in Sharjah, and she has managed to attract more than 64,000 Instagram followers. Among the comments are people expressing how the cloth they wear for prayer supports their sense of standing in front of Allah.
In one post, someone has written: “How wonderful it is to dress nicely when talking to the lord of the worlds.”
This made an impression on me as I tried to find a cure for my feelings of emptiness. Eventually, I found a passage in the Quran and when I considered its meaning, I realised that I had discovered a small aid in making me feel sincerity in prayer. The verse says: “O Children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid, and eat and drink, but be not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess.” [7:31] To me Allah has revealed one of the secrets to find deeper devotion in prayer when He tells worshippers to beautify themselves externally and internally when speaking to Him. When people meet their loved ones they usually take the trouble to dress well and cleanse themselves. It’s the same when we’re invited to a party or wedding. It struck me that every day, I have five brief meetings with Allah and rarely did I take the trouble to dress nicely. Sometimes I would wear my pyjamas and wear a long cloak on top and finish a prayer. Other times, at prayer at work, the rug would have an unpleasant smell and I’d find myself focusing on the smell rather than in speaking to Allah.
So, one day, before the prayer time commenced, I took the time to scan my wardrobe and choose a modest dress over the top of which I wore my abaya. I also perfumed my cloth and made sure the rug smelled good. Sure enough, when I started praying, I began to feel a bond between myself and Allah. I was more conscious of what I was reciting in my prayer and I felt a sense of tranquillity.
I realise that society wants me to be perfect, but all Allah wants from me is progression, even if I travel one small step at a time.
Asmaa Al Hameli is a features writer at The National.
aalhameli@thenational.ae
