When does the pursuit of love cross the line?

Casual meetings between young men and women can be fraught with difficulty in Saudi Arabia, writes Rym Ghazal.

Shoppers at the Red Sea Mall in Jeddah face challenges in interacting with the opposite gender. (Jordan Pix/ Getty Images)

A story has been doing the rounds about how security personnel in one of the biggest malls in Jeddah have recorded about 16 cases of harassment of men by women.

The mall’s security department received some harassment complaints from men and surveillance cameras support their claims

The cases were handed over to the police. The story triggered some interesting debates on social media: from how “shameful” these women are to chase men to how “weak” these men are to complain about being catcalled. Some have called for more intervention from the “morality police”.

It struck a chord with people because it is usually women who are harassed and bullied.

What is worse, often it is the woman who is blamed because she must have shown some “flirtatious” behaviour for the man to react in this way. If you react and tell them off, then it just gets worse. It has happened numerous times with my friends and me, when we are out and about having fun together and then a group of men start to bother us. First we try to ignore them and then when it gets too much and we say something, they take it as a green light.

At the same time, it was interesting to see that some commented on how men have become “afraid” to show any signs of interest because of a possible backlash. A friend who was discussing the story said that he once found a girl cute and when he smiled at her and said hello, she yelled at him and said she would call security.

“She then went and told her family who looked at me and then were coming after me. All I did was say ‘hello’,” he says. He admits he bolted out of the shop in a mall in Dubai.

Another friend, who claims he gets harassed by women because he is very handsome (and he is), said that “sometimes some women harass men just for the fun of it or for financial blackmailing. The woman can very easily twist the story claiming that it was the guy who harassed her.”

Sexual harassment is by no means confined to a single country or culture. It is common everywhere and in some places it is worse than others. Sometimes it is more subtle, like for instance when you are doing an errand and the official makes an inappropriate comment about your looks and what you are wearing. Often we dismiss it as a “cultural thing” when it happens in the Middle East. Some do take it too far and, at the same time, sometimes those on the receiving end do overreact as well. It is a fine line and it is a red one.

The more obvious ones are the catcalls when one is walking in the street or in a public place like a mall, and you hear the man yell out his number several times. Some even go as far as pushing their business card into your hand or into your purse.

It can get awkward and no one wants to draw too much attention to what is happening as then people watching make judgments. These days videos make it to social media and before you know it, your dilemma is news and debated online.

I hear sometimes that it boosts the ego when one is pursued, but I doubt most enjoy being objectified like that.

But then again, if someone sees someone interesting, and is seriously looking for love, how does one go about it without all this drama?

A friend who has married the woman he met in a coffee shop recommended this: you see someone you like, pay for her coffee, wish her a great day and leave your business card with a smiley face on it. The rest is fate and luck.

On Twitter:@Arabianmau