Greetings kind folks, what's up? It is my sincere delight that you are peeping my words. My desire is for you to sincerely dig it.
OK, before you flip the page or reach for the aspirin, let me explain.
It seems that after 20 years living away from the Middle East I have returned to Abu Dhabi with an Arabic tongue that befuddles the elderly, puzzles shopkeepers and has made me the favourite punch line among my family members.
"Say it again!" my cousin laughed last week while we were having lunch.
"This eggplant salad is attractive," I replied sternly and to my dismay she clapped her hands and laughed again.
Seeing my face redden, my cousin sat me down and explained my predicament. Thankfully, my problem is not that I can't speak the language. Instead, it lies in the choice of words I use to express myself.
It seems that when I speak formally, my Arabic is clear and understood.
However when it comes to everyday, colloquial, conversation, my lumbering use of adjectives leaves my Arabic sounding like this column's opening paragraph. This is because my conversational Arabic is apparently a frenzied mix of Egyptian, Lebanese and Khaleeji dialects, sometimes all in one sentence.
I have no problem interviewing a government official but make a real meal out of ordinary dinner conversations. It is also the natural byproduct of an Arabic satellite television diet of Middle Eastern news channels and dramas.
It certainly puts me in a difficult position.
It seems the only way I am able to navigate UAE's Arabic social circles is by speaking formally.
However this neutering of my expression will render me an absolute bore in such affairs and would no doubt result in the drying up of all future invitations. On the other hand, if I decide to be myself then it will not be long before I opt out from these events as nobody likes being misunderstood, let alone laughed at.
Perhaps worse is that this dilemma dashes my family's hopes that my Middle Eastern jaunt will fast-track my marriage prospects, as any future Arabic speaking Mrs Saeed would have to be content with a Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde.
"Oh, my husband is fine," she would bravely tell her friends. "When he speaks English he uses the most beautiful language to express how he loves me. But whenever he resorts to Arabic the only thing he can manage is how much he tolerates me!"
At least when it comes to the written word I have no fear of being misunderstood. I have editors to make sure of that.
The biog
Favourite food: Tabbouleh, greek salad and sushi
Favourite TV show: That 70s Show
Favourite animal: Ferrets, they are smart, sensitive, playful and loving
Favourite holiday destination: Seychelles, my resolution for 2020 is to visit as many spiritual retreats and animal shelters across the world as I can
Name of first pet: Eddy, a Persian cat that showed up at our home
Favourite dog breed: I love them all - if I had to pick Yorkshire terrier for small dogs and St Bernard's for big
Is it worth it? We put cheesecake frap to the test.
The verdict from the nutritionists is damning. But does a cheesecake frappuccino taste good enough to merit the indulgence?
My advice is to only go there if you have unusually sweet tooth. I like my puddings, but this was a bit much even for me. The first hit is a winner, but it's downhill, slowly, from there. Each sip is a little less satisfying than the last, and maybe it was just all that sugar, but it isn't long before the rush is replaced by a creeping remorse. And half of the thing is still left.
The caramel version is far superior to the blueberry, too. If someone put a full caramel cheesecake through a liquidiser and scooped out the contents, it would probably taste something like this. Blueberry, on the other hand, has more of an artificial taste. It's like someone has tried to invent this drink in a lab, and while early results were promising, they're still in the testing phase. It isn't terrible, but something isn't quite right either.
So if you want an experience, go for a small, and opt for the caramel. But if you want a cheesecake, it's probably more satisfying, and not quite as unhealthy, to just order the real thing.
Three ways to get a gratitude glow
By committing to at least one of these daily, you can bring more gratitude into your life, says Ong.
- During your morning skincare routine, name five things you are thankful for about yourself.
- As you finish your skincare routine, look yourself in the eye and speak an affirmation, such as: “I am grateful for every part of me, including my ability to take care of my skin.”
- In the evening, take some deep breaths, notice how your skin feels, and listen for what your skin is grateful for.
Company profile
Company: Rent Your Wardrobe
Date started: May 2021
Founder: Mamta Arora
Based: Dubai
Sector: Clothes rental subscription
Stage: Bootstrapped, self-funded
Results
2.15pm: Maiden (PA) Dh40,000 1,700m; Winner: AF Arrab, Antonio Fresu (jockey), Ernst Oertel (trainer).
2.45pm: Maiden (PA) Dh40,000 1,700m; Winner: AF Mahaleel, Antonio Fresu, Ernst Oertel.
3.15pm: Sheikh Ahmed bin Rashid Al Maktoum handicap (TB) Dh200,000 2,000m; Winner: Dolmen, Richard Mullen, Satish Seemar.
3.45pm: Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 1,200m; Winner: Amang Alawda, Sandro Paiva, Bakhit Al Ketbi.
4.15pm: The Crown Prince of Sharjah Cup Prestige (PA) Dh200,000 1,200m; Winner: AF Alwajel, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel.
4.45pm: Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 2,000m; Winner: Al Jazi, Jesus Rosales, Eric Lemartinel.
AndhaDhun
Director: Sriram Raghavan
Producer: Matchbox Pictures, Viacom18
Cast: Ayushmann Khurrana, Tabu, Radhika Apte, Anil Dhawan
Rating: 3.5/5
