I was expecting a fit person telling me to stop eating, stop drinking and start exercising. At some point he would bark "give me 20 press-ups" and I would be on the ground, sweating heavily. I met Hari Khatiwada, a former UAE boxing champion (flyweight I think, as he comes up to my waist). He is a very nice fellow. Then he told me to stop eating, stop drinking and start exercising. At some point he barked "give me 20 press-ups" and I was on my hands and toes, sweating heavily. He said that if I am to fulfil my goal of fitting into my Speedos in a month's time, I would have to stop drinking. He actually said I should eat more - or perhaps it was more often. Apparently eating a lot in one go is bad for you. And drink lots of water. Then he weighed me, and made me sign a form absolving the hotel of responsibility in case I croaked on the treadmill. We went to the gym, where he set me a weekly programme that includes a lot of cycling, rowing, running and working out on the machines. First he showed me how to use them; then I was to work in sets of 15 until I was thoroughly worn out. After three days of exercise and two nights drinking only green tea and some stuff called water, I feel great.
It began with skipping. I always thought skipping was for girls, until I tried it. Two minutes of it and my heart was beating faster than Lance Armstrong's going up Mont Ventoux. Then it was straight into a series of press-ups. Can one imagine how blissful a life would be without mosquitoes or press-ups? Then it was back to skipping. Then more press-ups. Then star jumps. Press-ups. Star jumps. I felt like hitting somebody. I put on a pair boxing gloves and Hari put pads on his hands and told me to hit them. First it was in singles, then combinations, then sets of 10 or 20. To make it interesting, he said I should pretend I was in the office. Pow! Take that picture editor. Bash! To you, sub-editor, who always takes out my jokes. But really, these are all dear colleagues, so I didn't hit them very hard. What you do realise is two things: one, hitting things is fun. Two, boxing is incredibly hard work. I don't quite look like Muhammad Ali did in When We Were Kings, but it's only a matter of time. All I need now is a decent nickname - maybe the "Sussex Slugger".
I was invited to Beirut for a few days' holiday. My friend who picked us up from the airport said: "You can diet before you come to the Lebanon, or when you leave, but not when you are here". At the first breakfast, her mother insisted on cooking us a Lebanese speciality: knefeh, which is a high-calorie combination of cheese, semolina and syrup all pushed into a sesame bap. Each one contains 5,000 calories. I could run up and down Mount Lebanon twice and still have calories to spare. However, the cunning ruse of missing dinner, going easy on the wine and feeding my son knefeh paid off. I also went for runs in the morning, did a spell on the skipping rope and went for long swims in a swell off Bonita Bay near Batroun. The hard work paid off; when I weighed myself on the gym scales, I discovered that I had lost half a kilo. So far, two and a half kilos down; another few to go.
Into the final furlong, when disaster strikes. "Shall we go for a quick drink?" one of my thirstiest friends suggests. "Surely this exercising lark has gone on long enough." For some reason I said "yes". Next day, I felt terrible and dehydrated. Training was not a possibility; working was a challenge. The following day I was back in the gym and Hari had to drive me on. The scales weren't encouraging. One of those lost kilos seemed to have crept back on. Weights and running and 20 minutes in the sauna were needed.
There was time for one final workout. It was the boxing training, definitely the most enjoyable of all I have tried this month. It was good to be outside in the fresh air too. We did intervals of 90 seconds of skipping, star jumps and strange boxing exercises, then it was time to put the gloves on. We sparred on the beach until I was too tired to lift my arms. Oh, and of course, there were press-ups.
That afternoon, I went to the mall. There seem to be no Speedos in Abu Dhabi to be had for love nor money, but I managed to buy some Zoggs, which look a bit like cycling shorts. So if you are on a beach somewhere this summer, don't be surprised if a figure remarkably similar to James Bond comes out of the waves, perhaps more like Sean Connery than Daniel Craig, but still strangely impressive. Best hold on to your wives. Talking of which, where is my wife? And children? Come back here now!
An annual membership at the Shangri-La gym costs Dh15,000; a boxing workout with Hari for an hour costs Dh220 for a non-member and Dh180 for members.
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
The%20specs
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PFA Premier League team of 2018-19
Allison (Liverpool)
Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool)
Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool)
Aymeric Laporte (Manchester City)
Andrew Robertson (Liverpool)
Paul Pogba (Manchester United)
Fernandinho (Manchester City)
Bernardo Silva (Manchester City)
Raheem Sterling (Manchester City)
Sergio Aguero (Manchester City)
Sadio Mane (Liverpool)
The 100 Best Novels in Translation
Boyd Tonkin, Galileo Press
Call of Duty: Black Ops 6
Developer: Treyarch, Raven Software
Publisher: Activision
Console: PlayStation 4 & 5, Windows, Xbox One & Series X/S
Rating: 3.5/5
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Qyubic
Started: October 2023
Founder: Namrata Raina
Based: Dubai
Sector: E-commerce
Current number of staff: 10
Investment stage: Pre-seed
Initial investment: Undisclosed
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)
Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits
Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine
Storage: 128/256/512GB
Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4
Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps
Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID
Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight
In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter
Price: From Dh2,099
Graduated from the American University of Sharjah
She is the eldest of three brothers and two sisters
Has helped solve 15 cases of electric shocks
Enjoys travelling, reading and horse riding
Like a Fading Shadow
Antonio Muñoz Molina
Translated from the Spanish by Camilo A. Ramirez
Tuskar Rock Press (pp. 310)
Tree of Hell
Starring: Raed Zeno, Hadi Awada, Dr Mohammad Abdalla
Director: Raed Zeno
Rating: 4/5
Russia's Muslim Heartlands
Dominic Rubin, Oxford
MATCH INFO
Championship play-offs, second legs:
Aston Villa 0
Middlesbrough 0
(Aston Villa advance 1-0 on aggregate)
Fulham 2
Sessegnon (47'), Odoi (66')
Derby County 0
(Fulham advance 2-1 on aggregate)
Final
Saturday, May 26, Wembley. Kick off 8pm (UAE)
The language of diplomacy in 1853
Treaty of Peace in Perpetuity Agreed Upon by the Chiefs of the Arabian Coast on Behalf of Themselves, Their Heirs and Successors Under the Mediation of the Resident of the Persian Gulf, 1853
(This treaty gave the region the name “Trucial States”.)
We, whose seals are hereunto affixed, Sheikh Sultan bin Suggar, Chief of Rassool-Kheimah, Sheikh Saeed bin Tahnoon, Chief of Aboo Dhebbee, Sheikh Saeed bin Buyte, Chief of Debay, Sheikh Hamid bin Rashed, Chief of Ejman, Sheikh Abdoola bin Rashed, Chief of Umm-ool-Keiweyn, having experienced for a series of years the benefits and advantages resulting from a maritime truce contracted amongst ourselves under the mediation of the Resident in the Persian Gulf and renewed from time to time up to the present period, and being fully impressed, therefore, with a sense of evil consequence formerly arising, from the prosecution of our feuds at sea, whereby our subjects and dependants were prevented from carrying on the pearl fishery in security, and were exposed to interruption and molestation when passing on their lawful occasions, accordingly, we, as aforesaid have determined, for ourselves, our heirs and successors, to conclude together a lasting and inviolable peace from this time forth in perpetuity.
Taken from Britain and Saudi Arabia, 1925-1939: the Imperial Oasis, by Clive Leatherdale
Ain Issa camp:
- Established in 2016
- Houses 13,309 people, 2,092 families, 62 per cent children
- Of the adult population, 49 per cent men, 51 per cent women (not including foreigners annexe)
- Most from Deir Ezzor and Raqqa
- 950 foreigners linked to ISIS and their families
- NGO Blumont runs camp management for the UN
- One of the nine official (UN recognised) camps in the region
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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What should do investors do now?
What does the S&P 500's new all-time high mean for the average investor?
Should I be euphoric?
No. It's fine to be pleased about hearty returns on your investments. But it's not a good idea to tie your emotions closely to the ups and downs of the stock market. You'll get tired fast. This market moment comes on the heels of last year's nosedive. And it's not the first or last time the stock market will make a dramatic move.
So what happened?
It's more about what happened last year. Many of the concerns that triggered that plunge towards the end of last have largely been quelled. The US and China are slowly moving toward a trade agreement. The Federal Reserve has indicated it likely will not raise rates at all in 2019 after seven recent increases. And those changes, along with some strong earnings reports and broader healthy economic indicators, have fueled some optimism in stock markets.
"The panic in the fourth quarter was based mostly on fears," says Brent Schutte, chief investment strategist for Northwestern Mutual Wealth Management Company. "The fundamentals have mostly held up, while the fears have gone away and the fears were based mostly on emotion."
Should I buy? Should I sell?
Maybe. It depends on what your long-term investment plan is. The best advice is usually the same no matter the day — determine your financial goals, make a plan to reach them and stick to it.
"I would encourage (investors) not to overreact to highs, just as I would encourage them not to overreact to the lows of December," Mr Schutte says.
All the same, there are some situations in which you should consider taking action. If you think you can't live through another low like last year, the time to get out is now. If the balance of assets in your portfolio is out of whack thanks to the rise of the stock market, make adjustments. And if you need your money in the next five to 10 years, it shouldn't be in stocks anyhow. But for most people, it's also a good time to just leave things be.
Resist the urge to abandon the diversification of your portfolio, Mr Schutte cautions. It may be tempting to shed other investments that aren't performing as well, such as some international stocks, but diversification is designed to help steady your performance over time.
Will the rally last?
No one knows for sure. But David Bailin, chief investment officer at Citi Private Bank, expects the US market could move up 5 per cent to 7 per cent more over the next nine to 12 months, provided the Fed doesn't raise rates and earnings growth exceeds current expectations. We are in a late cycle market, a period when US equities have historically done very well, but volatility also rises, he says.
"This phase can last six months to several years, but it's important clients remain invested and not try to prematurely position for a contraction of the market," Mr Bailin says. "Doing so would risk missing out on important portfolio returns."
The%20Color%20Purple
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The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
MATCH INFO
Manchester United 1 (Fernandes pen 2') Tottenham Hotspur 6 (Ndombele 4', Son 7' & 37' Kane (30' & pen 79, Aurier 51')
Man of the match Son Heung-min (Tottenham)
more from Janine di Giovanni
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