What’s in a name? A mediocre one may not take you too far



What’s in a name? It’s a question more and more relevant in today’s world, in which image is everything and the packaging is as important as the product.

When I was a child I used to thrill to the all-action westerns starring Hollywood tough guy John Wayne. But would I have taken him quite so seriously if he’d stuck with his original moniker of Marion Morrison? And what of the incomparable Audrey Hepburn? Might her shimmering elfin beauty have seemed quite so translucent if we’d known we were staring up at Edda Kathleen van Heemstra Hepburn-Ruston?

Even in my own corner of the acting game here in the UK, I’ve often wondered if my career might have been more successful had I struck out more boldly. Michael Simkins? Hardly an appellation likely to set the pulse racing. A work colleague even suggested I change my stage name to Tarquin Blood: but alas, I persevered with my lot, with the result that I invariably get typecast as simpering clerks and ineffectual solicitors (“Take a letter please, Simkins!”)

But it’s not just the acting game that seems preoccupied with image nowadays. Everyone, it seems, is prepared to tinker with their birth certificate if it means getting ahead. Even football clubs.

In case you haven’t heard of the fishing port of Hull, it’s a city in the north-east of England. Bluff and dependable, Hull typifies that region of the country at its most unruffled and undemonstrative. The same may be said for its local football club, Hull City AFC. Founded in 1904, it’s as stolid and unpretentious as the folk it represents.

The trouble is, Hull City AFC has been getting a bit above itself. Where once its weekly opponents were similarly unpretentious towns such as Tranmere and Walsall, it now finds itself competing in the giddy heights of the English Premier League against the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea. And as any movie star will tell you, when you’ve got your name in lights you’d better make sure you get noticed. Stardom doesn’t come cheap.

Which is presumably why the club’s Egyptian-born owner Assem Allam has announced his intention to change the name of the club from Hull City to Hull Tigers. With football teams needing to attract global audiences to maximise revenue stream, the suffix “Tiger” (or so argues Mr Allam) will prove far more attractive and eye-catching to potential audiences in India and the far east than dull old “City”.

In any case, the side has been known colloquially as ‘the Tigers’ for many years, due to its distinctive yellow and black playing strip. What could be less controversial than to synchronise the club’s nickname with its overall marketing strategy?

But in football, traditions are sacrosanct, which is why many loyal fans on the terraces regard Mr Allam’s initiative as betrayal. They’ve spent too many years shivering through bad times and worse to suddenly junk their precious lineage overboard merely on the whim of an entrepreneur. “City till I die” is the chant most loudly sung by the Hull faithful on Saturday afternoons just now, and worryingly for Mr Allam, it’s also the title of the supporters magazine.

So whose view will prevail? “He who pays the piper calls the tune” runs the old saying. Having allegedly invested nearly £70 million (Dh422 million) in the club since taking it over, Mr Allam is no mood to be thwarted. “No one on Earth is allowed to question my business decisions,” he railed recently in an interview with Sky Sports, before adding darkly “but if the community say go away, I promise to go away within 24 hours.” The inference was obvious: in taking his ball and his millions away with him, his departure could well send Hull City spiralling down towards footballing oblivion once more.

But Mr Allam must tread carefully. The revenue generated by loyal supporters coming through the turnstiles each week may only be a fraction of the club’s overall finances, but theirs is the beating heart of any sporting enterprise. If, as threatened, they wreak their revenge by boycotting matches, holding protests and refusing to buy club products, the damage done to the club’s morale could far outweigh any financial benefit accrued by a snazzy new title.

In the meantime, I’m taking the hint and changing my stage name to Tarquin Blood just as soon as I can complete the paperwork. It may not get me any more acting gigs, but at least it’ll ensure my reservation isn’t mislaid when I next book a restaurant table.

Michael Simkins is an actor and writer based in London

THE LIGHT

Director: Tom Tykwer

Starring: Tala Al Deen, Nicolette Krebitz, Lars Eidinger

Rating: 3/5

Living in...

This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home. 

The specs

Engine: 2.0-litre four-cylinder turbo

Power: 268hp at 5,600rpm

Torque: 380Nm at 4,800rpm

Transmission: CVT auto

Fuel consumption: 9.5L/100km

On sale: now

Price: from Dh195,000 

Watch live

The National will broadcast live from the IMF on Friday October 13 at 7pm UAE time (3pm GMT) as our Editor-in-Chief Mina Al-Oraibi moderates a panel on how technology can help growth in MENA.

You can find out more here

The Sand Castle

Director: Matty Brown

Stars: Nadine Labaki, Ziad Bakri, Zain Al Rafeea, Riman Al Rafeea

Rating: 2.5/5

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The biog

Name: Salem Alkarbi

Age: 32

Favourite Al Wasl player: Alexandre Oliveira

First started supporting Al Wasl: 7

Biggest rival: Al Nasr

MATCH INFO

Manchester United v Manchester City, Wednesday, 11pm (UAE)

Match is on BeIN Sports

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Dates for the diary

To mark Bodytree’s 10th anniversary, the coming season will be filled with celebratory activities:

  • September 21 Anyone interested in becoming a certified yoga instructor can sign up for a 250-hour course in Yoga Teacher Training with Jacquelene Sadek. It begins on September 21 and will take place over the course of six weekends.
  • October 18 to 21 International yoga instructor, Yogi Nora, will be visiting Bodytree and offering classes.
  • October 26 to November 4 International pilates instructor Courtney Miller will be on hand at the studio, offering classes.
  • November 9 Bodytree is hosting a party to celebrate turning 10, and everyone is invited. Expect a day full of free classes on the grounds of the studio.
  • December 11 Yogeswari, an advanced certified Jivamukti teacher, will be visiting the studio.
  • February 2, 2018 Bodytree will host its 4th annual yoga market.
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Director: Laxman Utekar

Cast: Vicky Kaushal, Akshaye Khanna, Diana Penty, Vineet Kumar Singh, Rashmika Mandanna

Rating: 1/5

The specs

Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel

Power: 579hp

Torque: 859Nm

Transmission: Single-speed automatic

Price: From Dh825,900

On sale: Now

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Simran

Director Hansal Mehta

Stars: Kangana Ranaut, Soham Shah, Esha Tiwari Pandey

Three stars

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
Honeymoonish
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The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now

Schedule:

Friday, January 12: Six fourball matches
Saturday, January 13: Six foursome (alternate shot) matches
Sunday, January 14: 12 singles

If you go
Where to stay: Courtyard by Marriott Titusville Kennedy Space Centre has unparalleled views of the Indian River. Alligators can be spotted from hotel room balconies, as can several rocket launch sites. The hotel also boasts cool space-themed decor.

When to go: Florida is best experienced during the winter months, from November to May, before the humidity kicks in.

How to get there: Emirates currently flies from Dubai to Orlando five times a week.
Safety 'top priority' for rival hyperloop company

The chief operating officer of Hyperloop Transportation Technologies, Andres de Leon, said his company's hyperloop technology is “ready” and safe.

He said the company prioritised safety throughout its development and, last year, Munich Re, one of the world's largest reinsurance companies, announced it was ready to insure their technology.

“Our levitation, propulsion, and vacuum technology have all been developed [...] over several decades and have been deployed and tested at full scale,” he said in a statement to The National.

“Only once the system has been certified and approved will it move people,” he said.

HyperloopTT has begun designing and engineering processes for its Abu Dhabi projects and hopes to break ground soon. 

With no delivery date yet announced, Mr de Leon said timelines had to be considered carefully, as government approval, permits, and regulations could create necessary delays.

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