Sometimes summitry is best captured in satire. Ahead of today's Singapore meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un, there was dulcet mood music and nakedly transparent attempts by two volatile, very alpha male leaders to court each other.
And then there was the grouchy summit in Canada of the G7 advanced economies. Mr Trump got into a terrible temper with America's closest allies and was especially insulting about the G7 summit host, Canada's Prime Minister Justin Trudeau.
Yet he departed Canada for Singapore with the ironic declaration that he was on “a mission for peace”. Cue satirist Andy Borowitz and his newest offering. The North Korean dictator, Mr Borowitz deadpanned, “has offered to host peace talks between the United States and Canada (because) the rising tensions between the North American neighbours were posing an ‘intolerable threat to world peace’”.
It would be rip-roaringly funny if it didn’t seem achingly, ever so slightly true. But then, as America’s celebrated political humourist Art Buchwald once said of his craft: “You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.”
Mr Buchwald was at the height of his talents in the 1970s and it is somewhat reassuring that his words ring true today. In 2018, the world itself seems a satire and all that Mr Borowitz, television comedy hosts and other jesters in the court of Washington and elsewhere can do is to record it.
It is best left to the professionals. There was an element of slightly overdone satire in the German government's decision to release a G7 summit shot by its official photographer Jesco Denzel. It showed a perplexed Chancellor Angela Merkel staring down at Mr Trump, who sat arms crossed and immovable, while the rest of the G7 summit collective and some of their aides stood around, metaphorically wringing their hands.
The subtext was obviously the fractiousness introduced by Mr Trump into a meeting that has occurred every year since 1975 to discuss western economic policy and reaffirm shared principles. But if it cast Mr Trump in an unflattering light, it also showed the other G7 leaders as seemingly powerless, reduced to vainly pleading for American favour.
One had to wonder about the purpose of releasing the photograph. Was it meant to show the collective strength in exasperation of the rest of the West versus America? Was it supposed to inspire admiration for Ms Merkel’s steely self-command despite her obvious irritation at Mr Trump’s disruptive behaviour? Or was it meant to be a mocking take on Mr Trump’s rock-like imperturbability in the face of hard facts on trade?
Though the photograph went viral on social media and earned the overused label “iconic”, its release was criticised by Norbert Rottgen, chairman of the German parliament’s foreign affairs committee and a member of Ms Merkel’s center-right Christian Democratic Union. In a statement that is a fine piece of unintentional satire in itself because it suggests the current president of the United States is a contrarian scamp, Mr Rottgen said: “By portraying [Mr Trump] as the naughty boy in the room, he will stick even more to his behaviour and it will get worse. We have to ignore his behaviour and concentrate on what is left of the substance of the transatlantic relationship.”
That is a serious point and is ripe for futurist satire. Mr Trump has made clear that at least during his presidency, the United States will use coercive transactionalism in all matters of foreign policy, whether they involve allies or adversaries.
In this respect, Trump’s America will be an equal opportunities offender, discriminating not at all between long-time friends and long-loathed foes; acknowledging no distinction between alliances of values and deals that deliver temporary dividends in trade, trademarks and photo opportunities.
In the words of Peter Westmacott, a former British ambassador to Washington: “Trump is readier to give a pass to countries that pose a real threat to western values and security than to America’s traditional allies.”
There is an egalitarian spirit about it, a sense of seizing opportunities where and when they arise, rather than being weighed down by conscience and history. Satirists could have a lot of fun with recording this moment as it is – Mr Trump re-making the free market as truly free, of all values. Everyone technically has the chance to buy in and previous offences are not disqualifying.
But as things stand, there is more focused bitterness than satire about the US president’s disregard for 70 years of the global institutional architecture America has carefully constructed and maintained. That is right and proper too. Satire is superb when it points to problems that need to acknowledged and fixed. The problem arises when the satirists are endlessly entertaining but the politicians are able to do little more than provide them material.
Rashmee Roshan Lall is a commentator on world affairs and is currently working on a doctorate in the UK
Avatar: Fire and Ash
Director: James Cameron
Starring: Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver, Zoe Saldana
Rating: 4.5/5
Destroyer
Director: Karyn Kusama
Cast: Nicole Kidman, Toby Kebbell, Sebastian Stan
Rating: 3/5
UAE release: January 31
ICC Intercontinental Cup
UAE squad Rohan Mustafa (captain), Chirag Suri, Shaiman Anwar, Rameez Shahzad, Mohammed Usman, Adnan Mufti, Saqlain Haider, Ahmed Raza, Mohammed Naveed, Imran Haider, Qadeer Ahmed, Mohammed Boota, Amir Hayat, Ashfaq Ahmed
Fixtures Nov 29-Dec 2
UAE v Afghanistan, Zayed Cricket Stadium, Abu Dhabi
Hong Kong v Papua New Guinea, Sharjah Cricket Stadium
Ireland v Scotland, Dubai International Stadium
Namibia v Netherlands, ICC Academy, Dubai
THE LIGHT
Director: Tom Tykwer
Starring: Tala Al Deen, Nicolette Krebitz, Lars Eidinger
Rating: 3/5
2.0
Director: S Shankar
Producer: Lyca Productions; presented by Dharma Films
Cast: Rajnikanth, Akshay Kumar, Amy Jackson, Sudhanshu Pandey
Rating: 3.5/5 stars
Key findings of Jenkins report
- Founder of the Muslim Brotherhood, Hassan al Banna, "accepted the political utility of violence"
- Views of key Muslim Brotherhood ideologue, Sayyid Qutb, have “consistently been understood” as permitting “the use of extreme violence in the pursuit of the perfect Islamic society” and “never been institutionally disowned” by the movement.
- Muslim Brotherhood at all levels has repeatedly defended Hamas attacks against Israel, including the use of suicide bombers and the killing of civilians.
- Laying out the report in the House of Commons, David Cameron told MPs: "The main findings of the review support the conclusion that membership of, association with, or influence by the Muslim Brotherhood should be considered as a possible indicator of extremism."
RESULTS
Bantamweight:
Zia Mashwani (PAK) bt Chris Corton (PHI)
Super lightweight:
Flavio Serafin (BRA) bt Mohammad Al Khatib (JOR)
Super lightweight:
Dwight Brooks (USA) bt Alex Nacfur (BRA)
Bantamweight:
Tariq Ismail (CAN) bt Jalal Al Daaja (JOR)
Featherweight:
Abdullatip Magomedov (RUS) bt Sulaiman Al Modhyan (KUW)
Middleweight:
Mohammad Fakhreddine (LEB) bt Christofer Silva (BRA)
Middleweight:
Rustam Chsiev (RUS) bt Tarek Suleiman (SYR)
Welterweight:
Khamzat Chimaev (SWE) bt Mzwandile Hlongwa (RSA)
Lightweight:
Alex Martinez (CAN) bt Anas Siraj Mounir (MAR)
Welterweight:
Jarrah Al Selawi (JOR) bt Abdoul Abdouraguimov (FRA)
The%20specs
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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The specs
Engine 60kwh FWD
Battery Rimac 120kwh Lithium Nickel Manganese Cobalt Oxide (LiNiMnCoO2) chemistry
Power 204hp Torque 360Nm
Price, base / as tested Dh174,500
'Saand Ki Aankh'
Produced by: Reliance Entertainment with Chalk and Cheese Films
Director: Tushar Hiranandani
Cast: Taapsee Pannu, Bhumi Pednekar, Prakash Jha, Vineet Singh
Rating: 3.5/5 stars
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
Skoda Superb Specs
Engine: 2-litre TSI petrol
Power: 190hp
Torque: 320Nm
Price: From Dh147,000
Available: Now
Sholto Byrnes on Myanmar politics
Dust and sand storms compared
Sand storm
- Particle size: Larger, heavier sand grains
- Visibility: Often dramatic with thick "walls" of sand
- Duration: Short-lived, typically localised
- Travel distance: Limited
- Source: Open desert areas with strong winds
Dust storm
- Particle size: Much finer, lightweight particles
- Visibility: Hazy skies but less intense
- Duration: Can linger for days
- Travel distance: Long-range, up to thousands of kilometres
- Source: Can be carried from distant regions
The years Ramadan fell in May
EVIL%20DEAD%20RISE
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Engine: 3.5-litre V6
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 290hp
Torque: 340Nm
Price: Dh155,800
On sale: now
The biog
Place of birth: Kalba
Family: Mother of eight children and has 10 grandchildren
Favourite traditional dish: Al Harees, a slow cooked porridge-like dish made from boiled cracked or coarsely ground wheat mixed with meat or chicken
Favourite book: My early life by Sheikh Dr Sultan bin Muhammad Al Qasimi, the Ruler of Sharjah
Favourite quote: By Sheikh Zayed, the UAE's Founding Father, “Those who have no past will have no present or future.”
Red flags
- Promises of high, fixed or 'guaranteed' returns.
- Unregulated structured products or complex investments often used to bypass traditional safeguards.
- Lack of clear information, vague language, no access to audited financials.
- Overseas companies targeting investors in other jurisdictions - this can make legal recovery difficult.
- Hard-selling tactics - creating urgency, offering 'exclusive' deals.
Courtesy: Carol Glynn, founder of Conscious Finance Coaching
GAC GS8 Specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 248hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 400Nm at 1,750-4,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 9.1L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh149,900
MEYDAN RESULTS
6.30pm Baniyas (PA) Group 2 Dh125,000 (Dirt) 1,400m
Winner ES Ajeeb, Sam Hitchcock (jockey), Ibrahim Aseel (trainer).
7.05pm Maiden (TB) Dh165,000 (D) 1,200m
Winner Galaxy Road, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi.
7.40pm Maiden (TB) Dh165,000 (D) 1,400m
Winner Al Modayar, Fernando Jara, Ali Rashid Al Raihe.
8.15pm Handicap (TB) Dh170,000 (D) 1,900m
Winner Gundogdu, Xavier Ziani, Salem bin Ghadayer.
8.50pm Rated Conditions (TB) Dh240,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner George Villiers, Tadhg O’Shea, Satish Seemar.
9.25pm Handicap (TB) Dh175,000 (D)1,200m
Winner Lady Parma, Connor Beasley, Satish Seemar
10pm Handicap (TB) Dh165,000 (D) 1,400m
Winner Zaajer, Fernando Jara, Ali Rashid Al Raihe
Chelsea 2 Burnley 3
Chelsea Morata (69'), Luiz (88')
Burnley Vokes (24', 43'), Ward (39')
Red cards Cahill, Fabregas (Chelsea)
The President's Cake
Director: Hasan Hadi
Starring: Baneen Ahmad Nayyef, Waheed Thabet Khreibat, Sajad Mohamad Qasem
Rating: 4/5
Our legal columnist
Name: Yousef Al Bahar
Advocate at Al Bahar & Associate Advocates and Legal Consultants, established in 1994
Education: Mr Al Bahar was born in 1979 and graduated in 2008 from the Judicial Institute. He took after his father, who was one of the first Emirati lawyers
ALRAWABI%20SCHOOL%20FOR%20GIRLS
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Players Selected for La Liga Trials
U18 Age Group
Name: Ahmed Salam (Malaga)
Position: Right Wing
Nationality: Jordanian
Name: Yahia Iraqi (Malaga)
Position: Left Wing
Nationality: Morocco
Name: Mohammed Bouherrafa (Almeria)
Position: Centre-Midfield
Nationality: French
Name: Mohammed Rajeh (Cadiz)
Position: Striker
Nationality: Jordanian
U16 Age Group
Name: Mehdi Elkhamlichi (Malaga)
Position: Lead Striker
Nationality: Morocco
Ferrari
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Michael%20Mann%26nbsp%3B%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Adam%20Driver%2C%20Penelope%20Cruz%2C%20Shailene%20Woodley%2C%20Patrick%20Dempsey%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%203%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
What can you do?
Document everything immediately; including dates, times, locations and witnesses
Seek professional advice from a legal expert
You can report an incident to HR or an immediate supervisor
You can use the Ministry of Human Resources and Emiratisation’s dedicated hotline
In criminal cases, you can contact the police for additional support
APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)
Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits
Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine
Storage: 128/256/512GB
Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4
Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps
Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID
Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight
In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter
Price: From Dh2,099
SPECS
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EEngine%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%201.5-litre%204-cylinder%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPower%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20101hp%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETorque%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20135Nm%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETransmission%3C%2Fstrong%3E%3A%20Six-speed%20auto%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPrice%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20From%20Dh79%2C900%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EOn%20sale%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Now%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
BUNDESLIGA FIXTURES
Friday Hertha Berlin v Union Berlin (11.30pm)
Saturday Freiburg v Borussia Monchengladbach, Eintracht Frankfurt v Borussia Dortmund, Cologne v Wolfsburg, Arminia Bielefeld v Mainz (6.30pm) Bayern Munich v RB Leipzig (9.30pm)
Sunday Werder Bremen v Stuttgart (6.30pm), Schalke v Bayer Leverkusen (9pm)
Monday Hoffenheim v Augsburg (11.30pm)