If the past year has taught us anything, it's the importance of preparedness.
It's with renewed seriousness, then, that we should observe Zombie Awareness Month this May.
Established by the Zombie Research Society in 2007, the month is part of a campaign to "bring awareness about zombies and the possibility of a future zombie apocalypse". Why May? Because, bizarrely, a lot of zombie films seem to be set in this month.
Surely I must be writing in jest such mentions of zombies in relation to reality? Dear reader, zombies are no more than reanimated corpses made possible by the reignition of neurons firing in the brain. In our wonderful world, anything is possible. Take, for example, an extremely rare disease called encephalitis lethargica, an outbreak of which was connected to the Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918. Those afflicted would hallucinate, settle to catatonia and then suddenly enter a hyperkinetic manic phase.
More examples exist in the animal world. Ophiocordyceps, a fungus, can take over an insect's body within days, forcing it to climb up high before bursting out of the victim's head and falling below to infect others. Then there's the toxoplasma gondii parasite that afflicts rats, causing them to run deliberately towards cats and be eaten.
So, how can you prepare for a zombie apocalypse, should it ever come to pass? Semi-official survival tips include stocking up with food, water and medical supplies, including first-aid kits. Keep handy battery-powered radios, knives and duct tape (because duct tape fixes everything). Of course, if your home itself is invaded by zombies, be ready to escape with the right vehicle.
Helpfully, our top choices are listed here.
Hyundai Elantra Coupe
A few years ago, Hyundai teamed up with The Walking Dead creator-writer Robert Kirkman to create the ultimate zombie survival machine, a spectacularly modified Elantra Coupe. Kirkman, being something of an authority on reanimated corpses, equipped the car with a front-end plough designed to cut through crowds of walking dead, and a boot full of electric and pneumatic weaponry.
Dartz Prombron Black Stallion
If want to survive the Undead Armageddon in style, procure the Dartz Prombron Black Stallion. It's based on the Hummer H2, so it's big and heavy enough to repel horrendous hordes even while you cruise in comfort. Opulently finished inside, it features alligator leather. If that doesn't convince the undead you're not to be messed with, nothing will.
Mercedes Unimog Truck
To defeat the undead like a boss, choose this. The three-pointed star is known as much for indestructible trucks as it is for luxury limos, and this go-anywhere, do-anything supertruck, is a compact, high-riding, all-wheel-drive Tonka toy that's tough enough to withstand the harshest conditions. It is a favourite of emergency services operating in disaster situations, which a zombie apocalypse most certainly would be.
Sherp N 1200
The Sherp N1200 can only manage a maximum speed of 40 kilometres per hour. However, zombies cannot run fast because their decaying limbs are likely to fall off. Plus the Sherp has a few other tricks up its sleeve. The 1200-kilogram nine-seater has humongous tyres that allow it to scramble over all kinds of terrain, debris and reanimated bodies.
It is also amphibious. I know what you're thinking. Can zombies swim? Generally no, but they can walk underwater. However as they stumble along on the waterbed, the Sherp will forge ahead at speeds of 6 kilometres per hour. It's also very self-sufficient with a fuel autonomy time of 65 hours. With those big windows, you may see them coming, but they'll never get you.
Rezvani Hercules 6x6
With one of these in your garage, you won't be dreading the zombie apocalypse, you'll be waiting for it. Based on the all-terrain king that is the Jeep Wrangler, this is fitted with a tuned Dodge Demon 7.0-litre supercharged V8 Hemi, producing 1300bhp and 989 pound-foot of torque powering all six wheels.
It's also armour-plated with bulletproof glass, features underbody anti-explosive protection, a smokescreen, run-flat tyres, night vision, blinding lights, gas masks, a hypothermia kit and even electromagnetic pulse protection. You can capture the undead on the run as you deploy the “ram bumpers” thanks to on-board continuous recording, and fry their brains should they try to get in, using the electrified door handles.
The President's Cake
Director: Hasan Hadi
Starring: Baneen Ahmad Nayyef, Waheed Thabet Khreibat, Sajad Mohamad Qasem
Rating: 4/5
Top tips
Create and maintain a strong bond between yourself and your child, through sensitivity, responsiveness, touch, talk and play. “The bond you have with your kids is the blueprint for the relationships they will have later on in life,” says Dr Sarah Rasmi, a psychologist.
Set a good example. Practise what you preach, so if you want to raise kind children, they need to see you being kind and hear you explaining to them what kindness is. So, “narrate your behaviour”.
Praise the positive rather than focusing on the negative. Catch them when they’re being good and acknowledge it.
Show empathy towards your child’s needs as well as your own. Take care of yourself so that you can be calm, loving and respectful, rather than angry and frustrated.
Be open to communication, goal-setting and problem-solving, says Dr Thoraiya Kanafani. “It is important to recognise that there is a fine line between positive parenting and becoming parents who overanalyse their children and provide more emotional context than what is in the child’s emotional development to understand.”
Various Artists
Habibi Funk: An Eclectic Selection Of Music From The Arab World (Habibi Funk)
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
PROFILE OF HALAN
Started: November 2017
Founders: Mounir Nakhla, Ahmed Mohsen and Mohamed Aboulnaga
Based: Cairo, Egypt
Sector: transport and logistics
Size: 150 employees
Investment: approximately $8 million
Investors include: Singapore’s Battery Road Digital Holdings, Egypt’s Algebra Ventures, Uber co-founder and former CTO Oscar Salazar
Farage on Muslim Brotherhood
Nigel Farage told Reform's annual conference that the party will proscribe the Muslim Brotherhood if he becomes Prime Minister.
"We will stop dangerous organisations with links to terrorism operating in our country," he said. "Quite why we've been so gutless about this – both Labour and Conservative – I don't know.
“All across the Middle East, countries have banned and proscribed the Muslim Brotherhood as a dangerous organisation. We will do the very same.”
It is 10 years since a ground-breaking report into the Muslim Brotherhood by Sir John Jenkins.
Among the former diplomat's findings was an assessment that “the use of extreme violence in the pursuit of the perfect Islamic society” has “never been institutionally disowned” by the movement.
The prime minister at the time, David Cameron, who commissioned the report, said membership or association with the Muslim Brotherhood was a "possible indicator of extremism" but it would not be banned.
The specs
Engine: 3-litre twin-turbo V6
Power: 400hp
Torque: 475Nm
Transmission: 9-speed automatic
Price: From Dh215,900
On sale: Now
Skoda Superb Specs
Engine: 2-litre TSI petrol
Power: 190hp
Torque: 320Nm
Price: From Dh147,000
Available: Now
Our legal consultants
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
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Who's who in Yemen conflict
Houthis: Iran-backed rebels who occupy Sanaa and run unrecognised government
Yemeni government: Exiled government in Aden led by eight-member Presidential Leadership Council
Southern Transitional Council: Faction in Yemeni government that seeks autonomy for the south
Habrish 'rebels': Tribal-backed forces feuding with STC over control of oil in government territory
Islamophobia definition
A widely accepted definition was made by the All Party Parliamentary Group on British Muslims in 2019: “Islamophobia is rooted in racism and is a type of racism that targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness.” It further defines it as “inciting hatred or violence against Muslims”.
Wicked
Director: Jon M Chu
Stars: Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey
Profile
Company: Justmop.com
Date started: December 2015
Founders: Kerem Kuyucu and Cagatay Ozcan
Sector: Technology and home services
Based: Jumeirah Lake Towers, Dubai
Size: 55 employees and 100,000 cleaning requests a month
Funding: The company’s investors include Collective Spark, Faith Capital Holding, Oak Capital, VentureFriends, and 500 Startups.