Every year since it launched in 2008, Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle and wellness website, goop.com, has made headlines for its annual gift guide.
Featuring items that are either very expensive, super niche or completely outlandish – or sometimes all three – this year Paltrow has not let us down.
Divided up into "wellness", "kids", "kitchen" and other sections, we've picked 10 of the best and most fun items for you to add to your own wish list.
You can also scroll through the gallery above to see our top picks.
1. Goop Travel Straw, $22
The first red flag here is the fact this straw is made from glass. Glass … travel … we're not sure those two things go together.
The second red flag is the price. That’s $22 for a straw. OK, so it comes in its own recycled plastic case along with a mini-squeegee, but can it code you a new domain name whilst fixing a kale smoothie? No. And that’s what we’d expect if we’re shelling out $22.
2. Aura Stone, $65
Although it looks like something Hawkeye from The Avengers would use as a weapon, Goop assures us that we should: "Smooth this gua sha body-massage stone over your arms, legs, stomach and any other area that needs attention to gently massage muscles and soothe tension."
3. Meditation Pillow, $80
“We wanted a meditation pillow with distraction-defying firmness and shape,” says Goop. But what is so “distraction-defying” about a circle?
Well, they’re the shape of old-school UFOs, bubbles, the Moon, hula hoops, drums. All these things are notoriously distracting. Also … doughnuts. Mmmm, doughnuts. Oh, sorry, we’re supposed to be meditating, aren’t we? Sorry, make that “Ommm, doughnuts.”
4. Pyramid Commode, $35,000
If you’ve got a spare $35,000 knocking about, how about this Elizabeth Paige Smith-designed commode? It’s a 14-drawer storage space which "creates a spatial vortex in whatever room it’s placed in, energetically lifting the vibrations".
Apparently, Kanye West is a client, if you needed another reason not to buy one.
5. Batard Bread Lamp, $210
It’s a lamp. Made of bread. What’s there to not understand? A real loaf covered in resin, it features an "LED light that radiates a warm, comforting glow in whatever room it’s in".
Do you know what else would give you a “warm comforting glow” for a lot less money? Eating some bread.
6. PlantWave, $299
Hook this nifty little machine up to the leaves of your house plant and it will, Goop claims, translate what your greenery is trying to tell you (“The colour of this plant pot leaves me jaded”; “Your cat is trying to eat me again”, most probably) into sounds.
7. Men’s Goop University Sweatshirt, $195
From Goop’s own G Label fashion brand comes this sweatshirt that lets the whole world know you do not respect the education process in the slightest.
It says: “I have an BA in candles”; “Check out my diploma in organic luna recycling”; or, “Might I interest you in medical advice the medical community frequently derides?”
8. Bedtime Rituals Bundle, $84
Consisting of a body oil, bubble bath and a chamomile, silk tree flower and turmeric tonic to "help children ages 2 and up calm down naturally", this ritual pack for youngsters also contains a book called The Lost Elephant.
However, if you pay us $84 instead of giving it to Goop, we will happily come round to your house and wrestle your kids into bed each night.
9. German Oat Flaker, $240
Aside from German oat flakers presumably being superior to other global oat flakers, we can’t quite figure out what this kitchen product is meant to do.
After all, you buy oats from the supermarket already flaked, right? This is not 15th-century England. We're not out here milling our own oats, Gwyneth! There is really no need to re-flake your flaked oats.
10. Efoil 5’6” Cruiser, $12,000
Do your kids love foiling? Do they think it’s “super-rad” and “gnar”? Do you even know what foiling even is?
Us neither, but a quick Google search yielded this result: “A hybrid of surfing and hydrofoil technology, foil surfing replaces the traditional fin at the bottom of a surfboard with a much longer, hydrodynamically designed fin called a blade.”
This gift was in the “tweens” section. So, if you love your tween as much as $12,000, by all means, knock yourself out.
Find the full Goop gift guide here.
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The President's Cake
Director: Hasan Hadi
Starring: Baneen Ahmad Nayyef, Waheed Thabet Khreibat, Sajad Mohamad Qasem
Rating: 4/5
Top tips
Create and maintain a strong bond between yourself and your child, through sensitivity, responsiveness, touch, talk and play. “The bond you have with your kids is the blueprint for the relationships they will have later on in life,” says Dr Sarah Rasmi, a psychologist.
Set a good example. Practise what you preach, so if you want to raise kind children, they need to see you being kind and hear you explaining to them what kindness is. So, “narrate your behaviour”.
Praise the positive rather than focusing on the negative. Catch them when they’re being good and acknowledge it.
Show empathy towards your child’s needs as well as your own. Take care of yourself so that you can be calm, loving and respectful, rather than angry and frustrated.
Be open to communication, goal-setting and problem-solving, says Dr Thoraiya Kanafani. “It is important to recognise that there is a fine line between positive parenting and becoming parents who overanalyse their children and provide more emotional context than what is in the child’s emotional development to understand.”
Various Artists
Habibi Funk: An Eclectic Selection Of Music From The Arab World (Habibi Funk)
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
PROFILE OF HALAN
Started: November 2017
Founders: Mounir Nakhla, Ahmed Mohsen and Mohamed Aboulnaga
Based: Cairo, Egypt
Sector: transport and logistics
Size: 150 employees
Investment: approximately $8 million
Investors include: Singapore’s Battery Road Digital Holdings, Egypt’s Algebra Ventures, Uber co-founder and former CTO Oscar Salazar
Farage on Muslim Brotherhood
Nigel Farage told Reform's annual conference that the party will proscribe the Muslim Brotherhood if he becomes Prime Minister.
"We will stop dangerous organisations with links to terrorism operating in our country," he said. "Quite why we've been so gutless about this – both Labour and Conservative – I don't know.
“All across the Middle East, countries have banned and proscribed the Muslim Brotherhood as a dangerous organisation. We will do the very same.”
It is 10 years since a ground-breaking report into the Muslim Brotherhood by Sir John Jenkins.
Among the former diplomat's findings was an assessment that “the use of extreme violence in the pursuit of the perfect Islamic society” has “never been institutionally disowned” by the movement.
The prime minister at the time, David Cameron, who commissioned the report, said membership or association with the Muslim Brotherhood was a "possible indicator of extremism" but it would not be banned.
The specs
Engine: 3-litre twin-turbo V6
Power: 400hp
Torque: 475Nm
Transmission: 9-speed automatic
Price: From Dh215,900
On sale: Now
Skoda Superb Specs
Engine: 2-litre TSI petrol
Power: 190hp
Torque: 320Nm
Price: From Dh147,000
Available: Now
Our legal consultants
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
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Who's who in Yemen conflict
Houthis: Iran-backed rebels who occupy Sanaa and run unrecognised government
Yemeni government: Exiled government in Aden led by eight-member Presidential Leadership Council
Southern Transitional Council: Faction in Yemeni government that seeks autonomy for the south
Habrish 'rebels': Tribal-backed forces feuding with STC over control of oil in government territory
Islamophobia definition
A widely accepted definition was made by the All Party Parliamentary Group on British Muslims in 2019: “Islamophobia is rooted in racism and is a type of racism that targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness.” It further defines it as “inciting hatred or violence against Muslims”.
Wicked
Director: Jon M Chu
Stars: Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey
Profile
Company: Justmop.com
Date started: December 2015
Founders: Kerem Kuyucu and Cagatay Ozcan
Sector: Technology and home services
Based: Jumeirah Lake Towers, Dubai
Size: 55 employees and 100,000 cleaning requests a month
Funding: The company’s investors include Collective Spark, Faith Capital Holding, Oak Capital, VentureFriends, and 500 Startups.
