Chrissy Teigen, 34, has shared a deeply personal essay she wrote in the aftermath of the stillbirth of her son, Jack, who was born at 20 weeks.
She shared her writing on the website Medium, in which she went into detail about her reasons for sharing photos of herself cradling Jack after his birth, and also thanking fans for the outpouring of well wishes she received from around the world.
Revealing that she was waiting for the right time to share her experiences, Teigen wrote: "For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, 'you probably won't read this, but …'. I can assure you, I did."
Why she shared photos from the hospital room
The model wife of singer-songwriter John Legend shared heartbreaking details of the non-stop bleeding she endured, which led doctors to tell her there was no chance Jack would survive.
She had previously shared photos on Instagram which showed her in tears in the moments after his birth, and of herself and Legend cradling their son. However, after she posted the images, Teigen faced a barrage of criticism from some who felt the photos were too intimate.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was,” she wrote, addressing the backlash over the photos. “I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did not want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”
Adding: “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”
‘It was time to say goodbye’
Having suffered from a partial placenta abruption, Teigen revealed that she had been put on bed rest by doctors after she began bleeding, in the hopes she could reach 28 weeks, at which they could deliver the little boy.
“After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye,” she wrote. “He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either.” Adding: “I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness.”
The model also shared that she had previously suffered placenta problems while pregnant with her son, Miles, now 2 – she is also mum to daughter, Luna, 4 – who had to be delivered early after it was discovered he wasn’t receiving enough nutrients through the placenta.
The kindness of strangers
The Lip Sync Battle host also shared how kind people she has encountered have been.
“The moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful,” she wrote. “I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people will approach me with a note. The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won’t get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won’t pour them out at all.”
Read the full essay here.