My cousin, who is 27, broke his leg two years ago. The car accident was not his fault. His thigh bone snapped in half and he was in traction for a while. After he got out of hospital, he moved in with his parents so they could help him recover.
The problem was that they were too kind to him. When he complained about how painful physical therapy was, his parents let him skip the treatment. When he said he couldn’t get up to take food from the kitchen, they brought it to him instead. They wanted to make his life as comfortable as possible and avoid pain.
Two years later, because my cousin never went back to physical therapy or pushed himself, he can barely walk today, even with a cane. The doctors are worried that he won’t be able to walk properly ever again.
His family has decided that he doesn’t need to look for work and can just live with them instead, not paying rent. There’s no end to their generosity. My cousin has put on weight and he’s starting to develop other physical and mental health issues.
While compassion can come from a good emotional place – a desire to care for others, ease their burdens and empathise with their difficult situation – it can easily turn into a trap that keeps others mired in dependence. Often times, compassion can be an excuse to avoid difficult discussions.
It can be emotionally easier to be compassionate rather than care for what is best for another person. It’s easier to say, “You’ve had it tough, you don’t have any responsibility for your situation or resolving it” than “Life has kicked you around, but you need to take responsibility for solving the problem and overcoming this difficult situation”.
I see this argument used often, particularly in discussions about personal finance. Being kind and caring towards people in bad financial situations doesn’t really help them get out of their plight, no matter who is responsible for it.
Often times, compassion can be an excuse to avoid difficult discussions
If you’re in a tough spot, say you lost your job, your industry was affected by Covid-19 or your family has always been poor, don’t listen to the compassionate voices. They’re not going to help you beyond making you feel warm and fuzzy, which is very pleasant, but changes nothing.
Instead, listen to the advice that makes you feel defensive. When you want to lash out at the person offering such advice, understand that the anger comes because you know you could be doing something different.
Don’t act on every piece of advice that makes you angry. But at least start to look at it with a critical eye instead of dismissing it because it makes you feel bad.
Don’t be like my cousin. If his parents had made him do the tough things, he would be fine now, instead of facing years of mobility issues and increasing dependence.
Find those who make you feel defensive. See if they have ideas that can get you to take action to improve your life, even if it means you have to work hard for a while.
Schoolteacher Zach Holz (@HappiestTeach) documents his journey towards financial independence on his personal finance blog The Happiest Teacher
No more lice
Defining head lice
Pediculus humanus capitis are tiny wingless insects that feed on blood from the human scalp. The adult head louse is up to 3mm long, has six legs, and is tan to greyish-white in colour. The female lives up to four weeks and, once mature, can lay up to 10 eggs per day. These tiny nits firmly attach to the base of the hair shaft, get incubated by body heat and hatch in eight days or so.
Identifying lice
Lice can be identified by itching or a tickling sensation of something moving within the hair. One can confirm that a person has lice by looking closely through the hair and scalp for nits, nymphs or lice. Head lice are most frequently located behind the ears and near the neckline.
Treating lice at home
Head lice must be treated as soon as they are spotted. Start by checking everyone in the family for them, then follow these steps. Remove and wash all clothing and bedding with hot water. Apply medicine according to the label instructions. If some live lice are still found eight to 12 hours after treatment, but are moving more slowly than before, do not re-treat. Comb dead and remaining live lice out of the hair using a fine-toothed comb.
After the initial treatment, check for, comb and remove nits and lice from hair every two to three days. Soak combs and brushes in hot water for 10 minutes.Vacuum the floor and furniture, particularly where the infested person sat or lay.
Courtesy Dr Vishal Rajmal Mehta, specialist paediatrics, RAK Hospital
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Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
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Our legal consultants
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Fatherland
Kele Okereke
(BMG)
Zayed Sustainability Prize
The specs: McLaren 600LT
Price, base: Dh914,000
Engine: 3.8-litre twin-turbo V8
Transmission: Seven-speed automatic
Power: 600hp @ 7,500rpm
Torque: 620Nm @ 5,500rpm
Fuel economy 12.2.L / 100km
What the law says
Micro-retirement is not a recognised concept or employment status under Federal Decree Law No. 33 of 2021 on the Regulation of Labour Relations (as amended) (UAE Labour Law). As such, it reflects a voluntary work-life balance practice, rather than a recognised legal employment category, according to Dilini Loku, senior associate for law firm Gateley Middle East.
“Some companies may offer formal sabbatical policies or career break programmes; however, beyond such arrangements, there is no automatic right or statutory entitlement to extended breaks,” she explains.
“Any leave taken beyond statutory entitlements, such as annual leave, is typically regarded as unpaid leave in accordance with Article 33 of the UAE Labour Law. While employees may legally take unpaid leave, such requests are subject to the employer’s discretion and require approval.”
If an employee resigns to pursue micro-retirement, the employment contract is terminated, and the employer is under no legal obligation to rehire the employee in the future unless specific contractual agreements are in place (such as return-to-work arrangements), which are generally uncommon, Ms Loku adds.
Day 4, Abu Dhabi Test: At a glance
Moment of the day Not much was expected – on Sunday or ever – of Hasan Ali as a batsman. And yet he lit up the late overs of the Pakistan innings with a happy cameo of 29 from 25 balls. The highlight was when he launched a six right on top of the netting above the Pakistan players’ viewing area. He was out next ball.
Stat of the day – 1,358 There were 1,358 days between Haris Sohail’s previous first-class match and his Test debut for Pakistan. The lack of practice in the multi-day format did not show, though, as the left-hander made an assured half-century to guide his side through a potentially damaging collapse.
The verdict As is the fashion of Test matches in this country, the draw feels like a dead-cert, before a clatter of wickets on the fourth afternoon puts either side on red alert. With Yasir Shah finding prodigious turn now, Pakistan will be confident of bowling Sri Lanka out. Whether they have enough time to do so and chase the runs required remains to be seen.
