When Black Mirror creators Charlie Brooker and Annabel Jones announced this month that they were releasing a Netflix mockumentary called Death to 2020, most weren't entirely sure what to expect.
Is it too soon to be taking jabs at the events of 2020? After all, the past 12 months have seen enough calamities and tragedies to last the decade, and the year isn’t even fully elapsed yet. Most of us still need time to make sense of it all.
Then again, if the mockumentary is, as Netflix describes, "a cathartic comedy event you’ll never forget”, perhaps it's just what people need.
Spoiler: it isn't. Even though it runs for a little over an hour, Death to 2020 feels infinitely longer. Almost as long as 2020 itself.
I've made it to mid-March. Governments around the world are just beginning to try and find the right way to thwart the spread of the coronavirus, and already, I am swiping at the trackpad of my laptop to see how much longer is left. We've not even reached 10 minutes yet.
By now, we've gone through the devastating Australian bushfires. Qassem Soleimani – or, as he is called in the film, "the Beyonce of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard"– has been assassinated at Baghdad International Airport. Harry and Meghan have announced they want to take a step back from their royal duties and move to the US, "where race has never been an issue at all". US President Donald Trump has managed an acquittal in his impeachment trial.
And, of course, Tiger King has just been released on Netflix.
With much of the year’s chaos still ahead, the film already feels taxing, forced and wholly unnecessary. And, much like 2020, it only gets worse as it continues.
One thing the special does have going for it, however, is its stellar cast. From Samuel L Jackson and Lisa Kudrow to Kumail Nanjiani, Hugh Grant, Leslie Jones and Tracey Ullman, there are more than a few familiar faces, taking on the roles of political pundits, cultural figures and everyday people. But not even its impressive star power can save the frankly unfunny and uncalled for train wreck that this film is.
However, a few performances did stand out. Mr Jackson has a number of memorable lines as the testy and acerbic New Yorkerly News reporter Dash Bracket, especially when reporting on the Black Lives Matter protests.
"But you know in some ways I prefer the coronavirus to the police," he says. "And don't get me wrong, I hate the virus but at least it doesn't pretend it's here to help with 'Protect and Serve' painted on its side before it kills you."
Ms Jones spurs a few chuckles with her depiction of the misanthropic behavioural therapist Dr Maggie Gravel. Ms Ullman’s deadpan and spiritless portrayal of Queen Elizabeth II is a hoot. Cristin Milioti, in her role as Karen, sorry, Kathy, is initially entertaining but, ultimately, her scenes last too long and become sapped of comedic value.
Mr Nanjiani’s role as the tech billionaire Bark Multiverse, who is blissfully out of touch with what is going on in the world from his mountain bunker, is quite possibly the funniest part of the film. However, the bar has not been set particularly high.
“Don’t people call you selfish?” the interviewer asks Mr Multiverse about the bunker he built for himself. “I don’t know,” he replies. “It’s soundproof.”
As the film moves to the US elections, the murder of George Floyd, the Black Lives Matter protests and the many celebrity coronavirus cases, it becomes clear that is aimed squarely at a US and UK audience.
The rest of the world’s most important and tragic events of the year are left out.
Besides two succinct clips about the Beirut port blast, both of which are overlooked, there is no commentary about the explosion that rocked the Lebanese capital in August. No mention of the sectarian clashes that left more than 20 killed in New Delhi in February, or the locust swarm in East Africa in March. The war in Nagorno-Karabakh that began in late September is curiously absent, too.
It is hard to believe that this offering came from the same brilliant minds that gave us the existentially distressing Black Mirror.
In the comedy genre Death to 2020 has positioned itself in, it's clear Brooker and Jones are out of their depth, grasping at tattered comedic straws in their bid to make light of an awful year that could, quite easily, have been born from their Black Mirror world. Perhaps that's where they should remain.
Anti-semitic attacks
The annual report by the Community Security Trust, which advises the Jewish community on security , warned on Thursday that anti-Semitic incidents in Britain had reached a record high.
It found there had been 2,255 anti-Semitic incidents reported in 2021, a rise of 34 per cent from the previous year.
The report detailed the convictions of a number of people for anti-Semitic crimes, including one man who was jailed for setting up a neo-Nazi group which had encouraged “the eradication of Jewish people” and another who had posted anti-Semitic homemade videos on social media.
Results
3pm: Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 (Dirt) 1,000m; Winner: Dhafra, Antonio Fresu (jockey), Eric Lemartinel (trainer)
3.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh40,000 (D) 2,000m; Winner: Al Ajayib, Antonio Fresu, Eric Lemartinel
4pm: Handicap (PA) Dh40,000 (D) 1,700m; Winner: Ashtr, Abdul Aziz Al Balushi, Majed Al Jahouri
4.30pm: Handicap (TB) Dh40,000 (D) 1,700m; Winner: Falcon Claws, Szczepan Mazur, Doug Watson
5pm: Sheikh Dr Sultan bin Khalifa Al Nahyan Cup – Prestige Handicap (PA) Dh100,000 (D) 1,700m; Winner: Al Mufham SB, Al Moatasem Al Balushi, Badar Al Hajri
5.30pm: Sharjah Marathon – Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 (D) 2,700m; Winner: Asraa Min Al Talqa, Al Moatasem Al Balushi, Helal Al Alawi
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
THE BIO: Martin Van Almsick
Hometown: Cologne, Germany
Family: Wife Hanan Ahmed and their three children, Marrah (23), Tibijan (19), Amon (13)
Favourite dessert: Umm Ali with dark camel milk chocolate flakes
Favourite hobby: Football
Breakfast routine: a tall glass of camel milk
Some of Darwish's last words
"They see their tomorrows slipping out of their reach. And though it seems to them that everything outside this reality is heaven, yet they do not want to go to that heaven. They stay, because they are afflicted with hope." - Mahmoud Darwish, to attendees of the Palestine Festival of Literature, 2008
His life in brief: Born in a village near Galilee, he lived in exile for most of his life and started writing poetry after high school. He was arrested several times by Israel for what were deemed to be inciteful poems. Most of his work focused on the love and yearning for his homeland, and he was regarded the Palestinian poet of resistance. Over the course of his life, he published more than 30 poetry collections and books of prose, with his work translated into more than 20 languages. Many of his poems were set to music by Arab composers, most significantly Marcel Khalife. Darwish died on August 9, 2008 after undergoing heart surgery in the United States. He was later buried in Ramallah where a shrine was erected in his honour.
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
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ELIO
Starring: Yonas Kibreab, Zoe Saldana, Brad Garrett
Directors: Madeline Sharafian, Domee Shi, Adrian Molina
Rating: 4/5
The Byblos iftar in numbers
29 or 30 days – the number of iftar services held during the holy month
50 staff members required to prepare an iftar
200 to 350 the number of people served iftar nightly
160 litres of the traditional Ramadan drink, jalab, is served in total
500 litres of soup is served during the holy month
200 kilograms of meat is used for various dishes
350 kilograms of onion is used in dishes
5 minutes – the average time that staff have to eat
Real estate tokenisation project
Dubai launched the pilot phase of its real estate tokenisation project last month.
The initiative focuses on converting real estate assets into digital tokens recorded on blockchain technology and helps in streamlining the process of buying, selling and investing, the Dubai Land Department said.
Dubai’s real estate tokenisation market is projected to reach Dh60 billion ($16.33 billion) by 2033, representing 7 per cent of the emirate’s total property transactions, according to the DLD.
MATCH INFO
Syria v Australia
2018 World Cup qualifying: Asia fourth round play-off first leg
Venue: Hang Jebat Stadium (Malacca, Malayisa)
Kick-off: Thursday, 4.30pm (UAE)
Watch: beIN Sports HD
* Second leg in Australia scheduled for October 10
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre flat-six
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Transmission: 7-speed PDK auto or 6-speed manual
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets