"Hey you! I like you! Want some fun? Oh sorry, were you busy minding your own business? Come on now, don’t be upset."
What would you do if someone yells those kind of comments at you as you walk by? For women, this is a normal part of life. In fact, most comments are much more disgusting. Even seedier are the men who pop up on the private message spheres of social media with similar comments.
This week, I’d had enough and decided to go public with one perpetrator and his comment. Zero tolerance. Name and shame. I wouldn’t stand for it on the street, and I won’t stand for it online. I want solidarity for women and for perpetrators to be held to account ... and for men to stand as our allies.
The women – without exception – cheered me on for publicising this scourge. Some men did, too. What I wasn’t prepared for were the excuses made by some men for such inappropriate behaviour or the justifications made for the comments, or suggestions that if I had acted differently, this wouldn’t have happened. Let me be clear, I did nothing. Except exist. It is these men who decide they can impose themselves uninvited.
_________________
More on women's affairs
Tech firms would be wise to tackle sexism issues
How women face challenges in the business world
Sexual assault raises difficult questions
_________________
You don’t get such comments because you’re famous or single, have a popular social media profile or post your photo. There’s only one reason: because you’re a woman.
“But you’re pretty! If you put your photo up, what do you expect?” said one man. But that’s a red herring. Pretty has nothing to do with it. Why do you think you have the right to make comments about women? “Because men are shameless,” came the ridiculous response. This is both offensive to men – I have much better expectations of them – and a weak excuse for disgusting behaviour.
He explained that the way to avoid such comments was not to put my photo up. I’ll tell you another way: to stop being an idiot and stop making excuses for losers.
Another said, this is harmless, why don’t you just move on? But it’s not harmless to comment on an unknown woman's physical appearance, it’s part of a spectrum where men think that the purpose of existence of women is to be there to have comments thrown at them.
"Lighten up," is a constant refrain. It’s hard to have a spring in your step under the emotional burden of the constant barrage of such comments. And anyway, who are you to dictate my demeanour?
When this week’s perpetrator proceeded to video call me and expose himself, I got my husband to answer. And when berated by my husband, he uttered an expletive. But hey, I should lighten up, right? It’s harmless, isn’t it? It’s a compliment!
I received several further messages advising me in the kindliest terms that I should cover the sins of the perpetrator. But why do we make excuses for what is a significant social harm?
_________________
More from Shelina Janmohamed
Historical dramas can trigger and enlighten our consciousness
The virtual world is robbing us of our ability to reflect and ponder
We fail to understand that there is no singular meaning to why women cover
_________________
Men do this because they think they can get away with it, as though women are there to receive their comments. Only when we expose such behaviour as wrong can things change.
I was even told off. Did I feel better after exposing this person?
Yes, yes I did feel much better making this public. Not just for me, but for so many women out there who suffer far worse and would like to see a public outcry about this.
Women say nothing exactly because of this shrugging of shoulders and being told to move on. I feel much better exposing it, educating people about how rife it is, and ensuring other women do not feel they have to suffer in silence.
It is demeaning and belittling to receive such repulsive, self-entitled messages. When people receive racist comments or Islamophobic comments, we don't tell them to "get on with their lives". We talk about it publicly and address it in the strongest terms. We should not expect women to just take it.
The men who perpetuate such behaviour – to quote one of them – are losers. Don’t be one. But also, don’t be someone who makes excuses for them because that makes you a loser, too. Instead, work with us to get rid of this scourge. Zero tolerance.
Follow The National's Opinion section on Twitter
Jigra
Starring: Alia Bhatt, Vedang Raina, Manoj Pahwa, Harsh Singh
360Vuz PROFILE
Date started: January 2017
Founder: Khaled Zaatarah
Based: Dubai and Los Angeles
Sector: Technology
Size: 21 employees
Funding: $7 million
Investors: Shorooq Partners, KBW Ventures, Vision Ventures, Hala Ventures, 500Startups, Plug and Play, Magnus Olsson, Samih Toukan, Jonathan Labin
Day 5, Abu Dhabi Test: At a glance
Moment of the day When Dilruwan Perera dismissed Yasir Shah to end Pakistan’s limp resistance, the Sri Lankans charged around the field with the fevered delirium of a side not used to winning. Trouble was, they had not. The delivery was deemed a no ball. Sri Lanka had a nervy wait, but it was merely a stay of execution for the beleaguered hosts.
Stat of the day – 5 Pakistan have lost all 10 wickets on the fifth day of a Test five times since the start of 2016. It is an alarming departure for a side who had apparently erased regular collapses from their resume. “The only thing I can say, it’s not a mitigating excuse at all, but that’s a young batting line up, obviously trying to find their way,” said Mickey Arthur, Pakistan’s coach.
The verdict Test matches in the UAE are known for speeding up on the last two days, but this was extreme. The first two innings of this Test took 11 sessions to complete. The remaining two were done in less than four. The nature of Pakistan’s capitulation at the end showed just how difficult the transition is going to be in the post Misbah-ul-Haq era.
Ballon d’Or shortlists
Men
Sadio Mane (Senegal/Liverpool), Sergio Aguero (Aregentina/Manchester City), Frenkie de Jong (Netherlans/Barcelona), Hugo Lloris (France/Tottenham), Dusan Tadic (Serbia/Ajax), Kylian Mbappe (France/PSG), Trent Alexander-Arnold (England/Liverpool), Donny van de Beek (Netherlands/Ajax), Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (Gabon/Arsenal), Marc-Andre ter Stegen (Germany/Barcelona), Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal/Juventus), Alisson (Brazil/Liverpool), Matthijs de Ligt (Netherlands/Juventus), Karim Benzema (France/Real Madrid), Georginio Wijnaldum (Netherlands/Liverpool), Virgil van Dijk (Netherlands/Liverpool), Bernardo Silva (Portugal/Manchester City), Son Heung-min (South Korea/Tottenham), Robert Lewandowski (Poland/Bayern Munich), Roberto Firmino (Brazil/Liverpool), Lionel Messi (Argentina/Barcelona), Riyad Mahrez (Algeria/Manchester City), Kevin De Bruyne (Belgium/Manchester City), Kalidou Koulibaly (Senegal/Napoli), Antoine Griezmann (France/Barcelona), Mohamed Salah (Egypt/Liverpool), Eden Hazard (BEL/Real Madrid), Marquinhos (Brazil/Paris-SG), Raheem Sterling (Eengland/Manchester City), Joao Félix(Portugal/Atletico Madrid)
Women
Sam Kerr (Austria/Chelsea), Ellen White (England/Manchester City), Nilla Fischer (Sweden/Linkopings), Amandine Henry (France/Lyon), Lucy Bronze(England/Lyon), Alex Morgan (USA/Orlando Pride), Vivianne Miedema (Netherlands/Arsenal), Dzsenifer Marozsan (Germany/Lyon), Pernille Harder (Denmark/Wolfsburg), Sarah Bouhaddi (France/Lyon), Megan Rapinoe (USA/Reign FC), Lieke Martens (Netherlands/Barcelona), Sari van Veenendal (Netherlands/Atletico Madrid), Wendie Renard (France/Lyon), Rose Lavelle(USA/Washington Spirit), Marta (Brazil/Orlando Pride), Ada Hegerberg (Norway/Lyon), Kosovare Asllani (Sweden/CD Tacon), Sofia Jakobsson (Sweden/CD Tacon), Tobin Heath (USA/Portland Thorns)
Indian construction workers stranded in Ajman with unpaid dues
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
In-demand jobs and monthly salaries
- Technology expert in robotics and automation: Dh20,000 to Dh40,000
- Energy engineer: Dh25,000 to Dh30,000
- Production engineer: Dh30,000 to Dh40,000
- Data-driven supply chain management professional: Dh30,000 to Dh50,000
- HR leader: Dh40,000 to Dh60,000
- Engineering leader: Dh30,000 to Dh55,000
- Project manager: Dh55,000 to Dh65,000
- Senior reservoir engineer: Dh40,000 to Dh55,000
- Senior drilling engineer: Dh38,000 to Dh46,000
- Senior process engineer: Dh28,000 to Dh38,000
- Senior maintenance engineer: Dh22,000 to Dh34,000
- Field engineer: Dh6,500 to Dh7,500
- Field supervisor: Dh9,000 to Dh12,000
- Field operator: Dh5,000 to Dh7,000
The National in Davos
We are bringing you the inside story from the World Economic Forum's Annual Meeting in Davos, a gathering of hundreds of world leaders, top executives and billionaires.
COMPANY%20PROFILE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Eco%20Way%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20December%202023%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Ivan%20Kroshnyi%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Dubai%2C%20UAE%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EIndustry%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Electric%20vehicles%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestors%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Bootstrapped%20with%20undisclosed%20funding.%20Looking%20to%20raise%20funds%20from%20outside%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A