The summer I had a miscarriage, it seemed as if every woman I passed on the street was pregnant, flaunting her fertility in my face. As miscarriages go, mine was not that dramatic. I was about 11 weeks pregnant, daydreaming that the little puddle of cells inside me would become my daughter, when my body decided to make other plans.
All I’d wanted was that everyday mammalian miracle, a child, and I’d failed. At least my doctor didn’t offer me the diagnosis that a friend’s sister received after hers: she was told that she had an “incompetent cervix”. What a lovely way to underscore the insidious idea that miscarriages are somehow things we can control, as if to suggest that if only this woman’s cervix had tried harder, the pregnancy would have gone to term.
I hadn't thought about that summer in a long time, but all those memories came back earlier this year, when I saw that Louise Brown, the first-ever IVF baby had just celebrated her 40th birthday. I'm not sure how she feels about hitting this landmark, but it's a significant milestone for the many thousands of people whose fertility problems have been solved by IVF.
Let’s be honest, no one expects to have problems conceiving. It’s basic biology, after all. How can it be difficult? And yet, it happens, and to more people than you might expect. I was surprised, after my miscarriage, to discover how many people I knew who had been through the same thing. Similarly, if you start thinking about IVF, you realise that even though it is an extraordinary exercise in medical technology, the process has become almost routine. Everyone knows someone who has undergone IVF.
In the Emirates, there has been an upsurge in the number of IVF treatments − around 6,000 couples a year now − and a parallel rise in women seeking to freeze their embryos. The laws relating to embryo freezing have recently been amended, in response to a general fall in fertility rates. It is estimated that fertility issues affect roughly 30 per cent of couples in the country at some point. And yet, here as elsewhere, the rise of IVF treatments offers a paradox: even as more would-be parents are turning to IVF, there is often an unwillingness to talk about that fact, as if the medical intervention must always be seen as an indication of a biological failure, rather than as a commitment to having a child.
My husband and I had thought about IVF at one point, actually, because before the miscarriage, I’d given birth to a premature baby. It had been my first pregnancy, and I’d been the perfect expectant mother: no caffeine, no alcohol, no junk food. I’d done everything just right, but for some reason, the baby stopped growing. When I went for an ultrasound, the doctor told me, in far less tactful terms, that I had an inadequate uterus. I lay there under the blue light and wept. I was a fertility failure.
Ten days after that diagnosis, I had an emergency cesarean section and was delivered of a baby who weighed less than 500g. You’ve probably eaten burritos that weighed more than he did.
As with my miscarriage, the reasons why my baby was born prematurely were never explained. The doctors used the word “idiopathic,” which is medical-speak for “We don’t know”. And yet that baby thrived; continues to thrive. Idiopathic, indeed.
Research suggests that miscarrying happens because of some chromosomal problem in the fertilised embryo: it is the body’s solution. But because miscarriages often happen in the first trimester, before a woman looks pregnant, it can be difficult to talk about the loss. The response is often some version of, “How can you grieve about something that didn’t ever really exist?”
It was after the double whammy of premature birth and miscarriage that my husband and I considered IVF or adoption, but the cost and complication of both options overwhelmed us. Others, of course, make different choices. In my extended family, for example, we have many options: adoption after multiple miscarriages; IVF twins; single parents of adopted children. It’s a glorious array of possibilities.
In many of the stories that my relatives tell about their journeys to parenthood, there is an underlying sense of disappointment at what didn’t happen: an easy conception, a baby carried to term with no intervention. That doesn’t mean that they love the children they have any less, only that it was a long and sometimes arduous journey to arrive there.
This column will run during Baby Loss Awareness Week, which started in the UK as a way to open up the discussion around miscarriages, reminding us all that even if the blob of cells was not viable, the prospective mother may well have had – as I did – a whole mass of hope wrapped around that microscopic speck.
Few of us will have birth stories that are as dramatic or ground-breaking as Louise Brown’s, but as more and more of us confront the unexpectedly rocky road towards parenthood, we need to allow room for all of our stories – the stories of loss, as well as the stories of joy.
Deborah Lindsay Williams is an associate professor of literature at NYU Abu Dhabi
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
Started: 2020
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Entertainment
Number of staff: 210
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Dubai works towards better air quality by 2021
Dubai is on a mission to record good air quality for 90 per cent of the year – up from 86 per cent annually today – by 2021.
The municipality plans to have seven mobile air-monitoring stations by 2020 to capture more accurate data in hourly and daily trends of pollution.
These will be on the Palm Jumeirah, Al Qusais, Muhaisnah, Rashidiyah, Al Wasl, Al Quoz and Dubai Investment Park.
“It will allow real-time responding for emergency cases,” said Khaldoon Al Daraji, first environment safety officer at the municipality.
“We’re in a good position except for the cases that are out of our hands, such as sandstorms.
“Sandstorms are our main concern because the UAE is just a receiver.
“The hotspots are Iran, Saudi Arabia and southern Iraq, but we’re working hard with the region to reduce the cycle of sandstorm generation.”
Mr Al Daraji said monitoring as it stood covered 47 per cent of Dubai.
There are 12 fixed stations in the emirate, but Dubai also receives information from monitors belonging to other entities.
“There are 25 stations in total,” Mr Al Daraji said.
“We added new technology and equipment used for the first time for the detection of heavy metals.
“A hundred parameters can be detected but we want to expand it to make sure that the data captured can allow a baseline study in some areas to ensure they are well positioned.”
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
Living in...
This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
SPEC%20SHEET%3A%20APPLE%20M3%20MACBOOK%20AIR%20(13%22)
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The specs
Price, base / as tested Dh100,000 (estimate)
Engine 2.4L four-cylinder
Gearbox Nine-speed automatic
Power 184bhp at 6,400rpm
Torque 237Nm at 3,900rpm
Fuel economy, combined 9.4L/100km
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
The biog
Simon Nadim has completed 7,000 dives.
The hardest dive in the UAE is the German U-boat 110m down off the Fujairah coast.
As a child, he loved the documentaries of Jacques Cousteau
He also led a team that discovered the long-lost portion of the Ines oil tanker.
If you are interested in diving, he runs the XR Hub Dive Centre in Fujairah
Lewis Hamilton in 2018
Australia 2nd; Bahrain 3rd; China 4th; Azerbaijan 1st; Spain 1st; Monaco 3rd; Canada 5th; France 1st; Austria DNF; Britain 2nd; Germany 1st; Hungary 1st; Belgium 2nd; Italy 1st; Singapore 1st; Russia 1st; Japan 1st; United States 3rd; Mexico 4th
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ALL THE RESULTS
Bantamweight
Siyovush Gulmomdov (TJK) bt Rey Nacionales (PHI) by decision.
Lightweight
Alexandru Chitoran (ROU) bt Hussein Fakhir Abed (SYR) by submission.
Catch 74kg
Omar Hussein (JOR) bt Tohir Zhuraev (TJK) by decision.
Strawweight (Female)
Seo Ye-dam (KOR) bt Weronika Zygmunt (POL) by decision.
Featherweight
Kaan Ofli (TUR) bt Walid Laidi (ALG) by TKO.
Lightweight
Abdulla Al Bousheiri (KUW) bt Leandro Martins (BRA) by TKO.
Welterweight
Ahmad Labban (LEB) bt Sofiane Benchohra (ALG) by TKO.
Bantamweight
Jaures Dea (CAM) v Nawras Abzakh (JOR) no contest.
Lightweight
Mohammed Yahya (UAE) bt Glen Ranillo (PHI) by TKO round 1.
Lightweight
Alan Omer (GER) bt Aidan Aguilera (AUS) by TKO round 1.
Welterweight
Mounir Lazzez (TUN) bt Sasha Palatkinov (HKG) by TKO round 1.
Featherweight title bout
Romando Dy (PHI) v Lee Do-gyeom (KOR) by KO round 1.
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MATCH INFO
Watford 1 (Deulofeu 80' p)
Chelsea 2 (Abraham 5', Pulisic 55')
World Series
Game 1: Red Sox 8, Dodgers 4
Game 2: Red Sox 4, Dodgers 2
Game 3: Saturday (UAE)
* if needed
Game 4: Sunday
Game 5: Monday
Game 6: Wednesday
Game 7: Thursday
Know your cyber adversaries
Cryptojacking: Compromises a device or network to mine cryptocurrencies without an organisation's knowledge.
Distributed denial-of-service: Floods systems, servers or networks with information, effectively blocking them.
Man-in-the-middle attack: Intercepts two-way communication to obtain information, spy on participants or alter the outcome.
Malware: Installs itself in a network when a user clicks on a compromised link or email attachment.
Phishing: Aims to secure personal information, such as passwords and credit card numbers.
Ransomware: Encrypts user data, denying access and demands a payment to decrypt it.
Spyware: Collects information without the user's knowledge, which is then passed on to bad actors.
Trojans: Create a backdoor into systems, which becomes a point of entry for an attack.
Viruses: Infect applications in a system and replicate themselves as they go, just like their biological counterparts.
Worms: Send copies of themselves to other users or contacts. They don't attack the system, but they overload it.
Zero-day exploit: Exploits a vulnerability in software before a fix is found.
Chef Nobu's advice for eating sushi
“One mistake people always make is adding extra wasabi. There is no need for this, because it should already be there between the rice and the fish.
“When eating nigiri, you must dip the fish – not the rice – in soy sauce, otherwise the rice will collapse. Also, don’t use too much soy sauce or it will make you thirsty. For sushi rolls, dip a little of the rice-covered roll lightly in soy sauce and eat in one bite.
“Chopsticks are acceptable, but really, I recommend using your fingers for sushi. Do use chopsticks for sashimi, though.
“The ginger should be eaten separately as a palette cleanser and used to clear the mouth when switching between different pieces of fish.”
Jigra
Starring: Alia Bhatt, Vedang Raina, Manoj Pahwa, Harsh Singh
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
Russia's Muslim Heartlands
Dominic Rubin, Oxford
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
The biog
Name: Atheja Ali Busaibah
Date of birth: 15 November, 1951
Favourite books: Ihsan Abdel Quddous books, such as “The Sun will Never Set”
Hobbies: Reading and writing poetry
Abu Dhabi Desert Challenge – Rally schedule:
Saturday: Super Special Spectator Stage – Yas Marina Circuit – start 3.30pm.
Sunday: Yas Marina Circuit Stage 1 (276.01km)
Monday: Nissan Stage 2 (287.92km)
Tuesday: Al Ain Water Stage 3 (281.38km)
Wednesday: ADNOC Stage 4 (244.49km)
Thursday: Abu Dhabi Aviation Stage 5 (218.57km) Finish: Yas Marina Circuit – 4.30pm.
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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A%20QUIET%20PLACE
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Leading all-time NBA scorers
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 38,387
Karl Malone 36,928
Kobe Bryant 33,643
Michael Jordan 32,292
LeBron James 31,425
Wilt Chamberlain 31,419
UAE rugby in numbers
5 - Year sponsorship deal between Hesco and Jebel Ali Dragons
700 - Dubai Hurricanes had more than 700 playing members last season between their mini and youth, men's and women's teams
Dh600,000 - Dubai Exiles' budget for pitch and court hire next season, for their rugby, netball and cricket teams
Dh1.8m - Dubai Hurricanes' overall budget for next season
Dh2.8m - Dubai Exiles’ overall budget for next season
The Details
Article 15
Produced by: Carnival Cinemas, Zee Studios
Directed by: Anubhav Sinha
Starring: Ayushmann Khurrana, Kumud Mishra, Manoj Pahwa, Sayani Gupta, Zeeshan Ayyub
Our rating: 4/5