Robert Edwards, the British scientist who developed IVF, with Louise Brown, who was the world's first IVF baby, with her son Cameron and her mother Lesley. AFP
Robert Edwards, the British scientist who developed IVF, with Louise Brown, who was the world's first IVF baby, with her son Cameron and her mother Lesley. AFP

The road to parenthood is paved with stories – of both love and loss



The summer I had a miscarriage, it seemed as if every woman I passed on the street was pregnant, flaunting her fertility in my face. As miscarriages go, mine was not that dramatic. I was about 11 weeks pregnant, daydreaming that the little puddle of cells inside me would become my daughter, when my body decided to make other plans.

All I’d wanted was that everyday mammalian miracle, a child, and I’d failed. At least my doctor didn’t offer me the diagnosis that a friend’s sister received after hers: she was told that she had an “incompetent cervix”. What a lovely way to underscore the insidious idea that miscarriages are somehow things we can control, as if to suggest that if only this woman’s cervix had tried harder, the pregnancy would have gone to term.

I hadn't thought about that summer in a long time, but all those memories came back earlier this year, when I saw that Louise Brown,  the first-ever IVF baby had just celebrated her 40th birthday. I'm not sure how she feels about hitting this landmark, but it's a significant milestone for the many thousands of people whose fertility problems have been solved by IVF.

Let’s be honest, no one expects to have problems conceiving. It’s basic biology, after all. How can it be difficult? And yet, it happens, and to more people than you might expect. I was surprised, after my miscarriage, to discover how many people I knew who had been through the same thing. Similarly, if you start thinking about IVF, you realise that even though it is an extraordinary exercise in medical technology, the process has become almost routine. Everyone knows someone who has undergone IVF.

In the Emirates, there has been an upsurge in the number of IVF treatments − around 6,000 couples a year now − and a parallel rise in women seeking to freeze their embryos. The laws relating to embryo freezing have recently been amended, in response to a general fall in fertility rates. It is estimated that fertility issues affect roughly 30 per cent of couples in the country at some point. And yet, here as elsewhere, the rise of IVF treatments offers a paradox: even as more would-be parents are turning to IVF, there is often an unwillingness to talk about that fact, as if the medical intervention must always be seen as an indication of a biological failure, rather than as a commitment to having a child.

My husband and I had thought about IVF at one point, actually, because before the miscarriage, I’d given birth to a premature baby. It had been my first pregnancy, and I’d been the perfect expectant mother: no caffeine, no alcohol, no junk food. I’d done everything just right, but for some reason, the baby stopped growing. When I went for an ultrasound, the doctor told me, in far less tactful terms, that I had an inadequate uterus. I lay there under the blue light and wept. I was a fertility failure.

Ten days after that diagnosis, I had an emergency cesarean section and was delivered of a baby who weighed less than 500g. You’ve probably eaten burritos that weighed more than he did.

As with my miscarriage, the reasons why my baby was born prematurely were never explained. The doctors used the word “idiopathic,” which is medical-speak for “We don’t know”. And yet that baby thrived; continues to thrive. Idiopathic, indeed.

Research suggests that miscarrying happens because of some chromosomal problem in the fertilised embryo: it is the body’s solution. But because miscarriages often happen in the first trimester, before a woman looks pregnant, it can be difficult to talk about the loss. The response is often some version of, “How can you grieve about something that didn’t ever really exist?”

It was after the double whammy of premature birth and miscarriage that my husband and I considered IVF or adoption, but the cost and complication of both options overwhelmed us. Others, of course, make different choices. In my extended family, for example, we have many options: adoption after multiple miscarriages; IVF twins; single parents of adopted children. It’s a glorious array of possibilities.

In many of the stories that my relatives tell about their journeys to parenthood, there is an underlying sense of disappointment at what didn’t happen: an easy conception, a baby carried to term with no intervention. That doesn’t mean that they love the children they have any less, only that it was a long and sometimes arduous journey to arrive there.

This column will run during Baby Loss Awareness Week, which started in the UK as a way to open up the discussion around miscarriages, reminding us all that even if the blob of cells was not viable, the prospective mother may well have had – as I did – a whole mass of hope wrapped around that microscopic speck.

Few of us will have birth stories that are as dramatic or ground-breaking as Louise Brown’s, but as more and more of us confront the unexpectedly rocky road towards parenthood, we need to allow room for all of our stories – the stories of loss, as well as the stories of joy.

Deborah Lindsay Williams is an associate professor of literature at NYU Abu Dhabi

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Moon Music

Artist: Coldplay

Label: Parlophone/Atlantic

Number of tracks: 10

Rating: 3/5

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
Low turnout
Two months before the first round on April 10, the appetite of voters for the election is low.

Mathieu Gallard, account manager with Ipsos, which conducted the most recent poll, said current forecasts suggested only two-thirds were "very likely" to vote in the first round, compared with a 78 per cent turnout in the 2017 presidential elections.

"It depends on how interesting the campaign is on their main concerns," he told The National. "Just now, it's hard to say who, between Macron and the candidates of the right, would be most affected by a low turnout."

ESSENTIALS

The flights

Emirates flies from Dubai to Phnom Penh via Yangon from Dh2,700 return including taxes. Cambodia Bayon Airlines and Cambodia Angkor Air offer return flights from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap from Dh250 return including taxes. The flight takes about 45 minutes.

The hotels

Rooms at the Raffles Le Royal in Phnom Penh cost from $225 (Dh826) per night including taxes. Rooms at the Grand Hotel d'Angkor cost from $261 (Dh960) per night including taxes.

The tours

A cyclo architecture tour of Phnom Penh costs from $20 (Dh75) per person for about three hours, with Khmer Architecture Tours. Tailor-made tours of all of Cambodia, or sites like Angkor alone, can be arranged by About Asia Travel. Emirates Holidays also offers packages. 

COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
 
Started: 2020
 
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
 
Based: Dubai, UAE
 
Sector: Entertainment 
 
Number of staff: 210 
 
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
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SPECS

Engine: Two-litre four-cylinder turbo
Power: 235hp
Torque: 350Nm
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Price: From Dh167,500 ($45,000)
On sale: Now

Last-16 Europa League fixtures

Wednesday (Kick-offs UAE)

FC Copenhagen (0) v Istanbul Basaksehir (1) 8.55pm

Shakhtar Donetsk (2) v Wolfsburg (1) 8.55pm

Inter Milan v Getafe (one leg only) 11pm

Manchester United (5) v LASK (0) 11pm 

Thursday

Bayer Leverkusen (3) v Rangers (1) 8.55pm

Sevilla v Roma  (one leg only)  8.55pm

FC Basel (3) v Eintracht Frankfurt (0) 11pm 

Wolves (1) Olympiakos (1) 11pm 

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SERIES INFO

Schedule:
All matches at the Harare Sports Club
1st ODI, Wed Apr 10
2nd ODI, Fri Apr 12
3rd ODI, Sun Apr 14
4th ODI, Sun Apr 16

UAE squad
Mohammed Naveed (captain), Rohan Mustafa, Ashfaq Ahmed, Shaiman Anwar, Mohammed Usman, CP Rizwan, Chirag Suri, Mohammed Boota, Ghulam Shabber, Sultan Ahmed, Imran Haider, Amir Hayat, Zahoor Khan, Qadeer Ahmed

Zimbabwe squad
Peter Moor (captain), Solomon Mire, Brian Chari, Regis Chakabva, Sean Williams, Timycen Maruma, Sikandar Raza, Donald Tiripano, Kyle Jarvis, Tendai Chatara, Chris Mpofu, Craig Ervine, Brandon Mavuta, Ainsley Ndlovu, Tony Munyonga, Elton Chigumbura

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World Cricket League Division 2

In Windhoek, Namibia - Top two teams qualify for the World Cup Qualifier in Zimbabwe, which starts on March 4.

UAE fixtures

Thursday February 8, v Kenya; Friday February 9, v Canada; Sunday February 11, v Nepal; Monday February 12, v Oman; Wednesday February 14, v Namibia; Thursday February 15, final

The specs
Engine: Long-range single or dual motor with 200kW or 400kW battery
Power: 268bhp / 536bhp
Torque: 343Nm / 686Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Max touring range: 620km / 590km
Price: From Dh250,000 (estimated)
On sale: Later this year
The specs

  Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now

Living in...

This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.

The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
Joker: Folie a Deux

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Lady Gaga, Brendan Gleeson

Director: Todd Phillips 

Rating: 2/5

Why your domicile status is important

Your UK residence status is assessed using the statutory residence test. While your residence status – ie where you live - is assessed every year, your domicile status is assessed over your lifetime.

Your domicile of origin generally comes from your parents and if your parents were not married, then it is decided by your father. Your domicile is generally the country your father considered his permanent home when you were born. 

UK residents who have their permanent home ("domicile") outside the UK may not have to pay UK tax on foreign income. For example, they do not pay tax on foreign income or gains if they are less than £2,000 in the tax year and do not transfer that gain to a UK bank account.

A UK-domiciled person, however, is liable for UK tax on their worldwide income and gains when they are resident in the UK.

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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Thank You for Banking with Us

Director: Laila Abbas

Starring: Yasmine Al Massri, Clara Khoury, Kamel El Basha, Ashraf Barhoum

Rating: 4/5