Thank you, next: 7 fashion trends that should never ever make a comeback
Let's consign these styles to the designer dustbins of history and never speak of them again
With the runways awash with many a homage to the 1980s and Instagram jam-packed with scrunchies, banana clips and pair upon pair of high-waist acid-washed jeans, it seems no trend from the 1980s, 1990s or 2000s is too small, too awful or, indeed, too unflattering to be revived.
Mom jeans, which do absolutely no one any favours, seem to be clinging on for dear life in autumn / winter collections, while patchwork, that 1970s staple, has been cropping up on jeans, jumpsuits and jackets alike.
While those revival battles have been sadly lost, the larger style war wages on. Here are seven trends we hope don’t get the do-over treatment…
1. Streaky highlights
Spice Girl Geri Halliwell was one of the biggest perpetrators of this crime, which leaves you looking less like you went to the hairdresser and more like you laid in the middle of the street and waited for a road line painter to drive haphazardly over your hair. The chunky highlights did threaten to make a comeback late last year, but luckily, the style became synonymous with the dreaded Karen and her "Can I speak to the manager" hair, which put paid to its attempts to go full-blown.
2. MC Hammer pants
You can call them harem pants or parachute pants all you like, but they will forever be MC Hammer pants. With zero disrespect to the man who created one of the most enduring bops of all time, ultimately his trousers of choice were not what you’d call flattering. Don’t get me wrong, they were perfect for performing in onstage thanks to all that wiggle room for his signature ants-in-your-pants dance, but it's just not a good look for the rest of us.
3. Men tying jumpers round their necks
This style, which arguably says "preppy by day, budding psychopath by night" was beloved of 1980s teenage movie villains, the kind who would crush your face into your locker and say stuff like: “Get out of my way, loser, before my big-shot father buys this school and turns it into my personal hot tub. Come on, Chad, let’s get fondue.” As a look, it’s a lot less casual than you'd think. Merely one black ball at the country club away from going full-on Patrick Bateman.
4. Juicy Couture tracksuits
Bonus points for going a size or three smaller for that "And here is my midriff" vibe, the Juicy Couture tracksuit was the athleisure of choice for hot young Hollywood, when hot young Hollywood was actually fun, circa the late 1990s. Paris, Nicole, Britney, Lindsay, J-Lo… everyone who is still vaguely someone wore them. Popular colours included pink, yellow, white and baby blue, each unfeasibly teamed with expensive handbags and trucker caps. Never again, please.
When you’re so busy growing a mullet that you manage to lose Liam Hemsworth, then it’s time to look at your life choices, Miley Cyrus. The mullet, all business upfront and party at the back, has been on the periphery of comeback hairstyles, threatening to go mainstream for a while now, but never quite getting there. And for that we can heave a collective sigh of relief.
6. Power suits
The ironic thing about this 1980s staple, was that it was arguably unempowering, with its uncomfortable shoulder pads, rigid form and sharp, unforgiving cut. Even Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson would struggle to look and feel powerful in that.
Championed by designers such as Giorgio Armani, Ralph Lauren, Anne Klein and Donna Karan, and finding cinematic fame in the 1988 film Working Girl, the skirt (or trousers) and jacket combo was meant to make everyone sit up and take notice when the wearer walked into the boardroom. We'd rather wear a big hat or bold colours, to be honest - anything that doesn't require shoulder pads.
Be afraid, be very afraid, because the male perm is back. This time, however, it’s been dubbed the Cherubim cut, and has been spotted on the heads of Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, Troye Sivan and V from BTS. Anyone interested in trying the style should note that this is lockdown hair grown out a little and not, we repeat not, Bradley Cooper in American Hustle.
Updated: September 29, 2020 02:04 PM