The doorbell is ringing. It might be someone interested in your refrigerator, a moving-company rep coming to give an estimate, or a friend you haven't seen in six months stopping by for a final coffee. Half of your books are in boxes and the other half are on the floor. The question "Are you excited?" has been lobbed at you too many times to count – or answer with any confidence. You clear the artwork off the fridge, readying it for sale, and it looks just as it did when you first arrived. Its bareness stops your children in their tracks. The blank gleam of a major appliance has made the upcoming move real.
With the school year drawing to a close, and especially in the current financial climate, an increasing number of expats are making plans for relocation, either back home or to a new post. In my family’s case, it’s the latter: we’re moving to Italy.
“What are you most worried about?” I ask my 12-year-old son about our impending relocation.
“Making friends,” he says in a heartbeat. Amid all the logistics of finding a school and selling our car, there are emotional needs that require attention – children’s, as well as your own.
“Moving can have a strong psychological impact on children and this varies by age and other important elements such as parents’ attachment, family stability and frequency of moves,” explains Dr Valeria Risoli, a clinical psychologist who treats children, adolescents, families and adults at her practice in Jumeirah, Dubai. “[Children] can be absolutely excited to move or extremely sad to leave what they built in their life, and worried for what is waiting for them. In general, the younger your child is, the easier it is for her/him to leave a place and arrive at a new one. The older they are, and the deeper the bond they develop with their place and people and habits, the more painful the move can be.”
For a smoother transition, many counsellors and psychologists help families to "build a RAFT", an acronym for the emotional stages we experience when moving. The paradigm was developed by American sociologist David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken, authors of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds.
RAFT stands for reconciliation, affirmation, farewells and thinking destination. The first part, reconciliation, calls on the person leaving to make amends and resolve any conflicts. Making the time to affirm what others have meant to you is the next part of getting ready to leave. Farewells can take the form of parties, coffees and cards for your friends and colleagues, but also include a final visit to a place, a final favourite meal, as well as other activities that are particular to your country of residence – for example, dune bashing in the UAE. The last step, thinking destination, invites you to research and plan for the new location, including learning a language where needed.
“To RAFT” is also used as shorthand by counselling professionals to describe the stages of transition most of us experience during a move, as well as a reminder to take time to listen and acknowledge feelings of loss, frustration, and sadness – as in the slightly sardonic: “Are you RAFTing?”
Adults and children share the same emotional scale; the difference is that children may not describe their grief in words; instead it can manifest in tantrums, loss of appetite or a lack of interest in school.
At the American School of Dubai, a workshop for 37 departing children was held for the first time this year. Drawing on the RAFTing model, those leaving the school were required to attend. Michelle Rath, a high-school counsellor, Fulbright scholar and holder of a doctorate, led the 45-minute session with other counsellors. It was designed to give the students tools to deal with their impending move.
Students were presented with a “barometer” of typical emotions the transition induces: sadness about leaving friends, frustration when making new friends happens slowly, anger with old friends for not keeping in touch, anxiety about losing one’s role in school or class. To help students plan their responses, Rath and her fellow counsellors reminded the participants that it takes a few months to settle in anywhere. They were encouraged to take risks and get involved in their new schools. “Wallowing can be detrimental,” Rath reminded the students.
After sharing their feelings with the group, students were asked to do the same with their parents, and to remember to ask for help if they hit an emotional “low”. Afterwards, Rath was surprised when initially resistant students thanked her.
A similar session was offered for parents, some of whom were experiencing their first overseas post. Rath observed that the same strategies she recommended for children were just as important for the parents, who were reminded that it’s OK to ask for help.
“What adults need is the same,” Rath said, “but what they get is very different.” A school offers a safe arena for a child, while a newly transplanted parent might find herself adrift without a ready-made community.
Dr Risoli counsels parents “to be open and honest with your children and reassure them. You have to actively listen to your child. In other words, you have to show your interest in how they feel and explain to them how you feel as well. Ask them open questions and rephrase what they say to help them understand you know how they feel. If you involve them in the process of deciding how and what to do, they will feel more reassured and secure.”
Maybe this works for others, but in my home, attempts at therapy with my own children are headed off at the pass. “What are the reasons we’re moving house?” I asked my 9-year-old daughter the other day, to see how she was processing the uprooting of our lives after four years.
“Reasons,” she replied, with an impudent grin.
Many children, like my own, have an extra set of antennae for when adults are trying to get them to talk about their feelings. While RAFTing is a useful concept, it won’t necessarily be embraced in its raw form, especially with tweens and adolescents.
But a child who sees their parent(s) making overtures to make new friends; naming feelings – especially the negative ones; finding a way to be patient with a new language and unfamiliar culture; and asking for help when they need it is going to tend towards similar coping mechanisms.
Modelling desired behaviours for your children can help a parent who is dealing with her own “unresolved grief” from the move. But if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. One mother based in Dubai for the past 20 years recalls that when she moved her three children from Seattle, they were homesick and mopey. At first, she responded to their complaints with reminders about all the benefits the UAE had to offer. “Look, we have a pool,” she would tell them. “We live close to the mall.” Her suggestions didn’t have the desired effect. One day, worn out and longing for home herself, she answered her children’s concerns about what they missed from home with a confession: me too. Startled and finally heard, her children’s misgivings about their new home started to slip away.
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Barings Bank
Barings, one of Britain’s oldest investment banks, was
founded in 1762 and operated for 233 years before it went bust after a trading
scandal.
Barings Bank collapsed in February 1995 following colossal
losses caused by rogue trader Nick Lesson.
Leeson gambled more than $1 billion in speculative trades,
wiping out the venerable merchant bank’s cash reserves.
Email sent to Uber team from chief executive Dara Khosrowshahi
From: Dara
To: Team@
Date: March 25, 2019 at 11:45pm PT
Subj: Accelerating in the Middle East
Five years ago, Uber launched in the Middle East. It was the start of an incredible journey, with millions of riders and drivers finding new ways to move and work in a dynamic region that’s become so important to Uber. Now Pakistan is one of our fastest-growing markets in the world, women are driving with Uber across Saudi Arabia, and we chose Cairo to launch our first Uber Bus product late last year.
Today we are taking the next step in this journey—well, it’s more like a leap, and a big one: in a few minutes, we’ll announce that we’ve agreed to acquire Careem. Importantly, we intend to operate Careem independently, under the leadership of co-founder and current CEO Mudassir Sheikha. I’ve gotten to know both co-founders, Mudassir and Magnus Olsson, and what they have built is truly extraordinary. They are first-class entrepreneurs who share our platform vision and, like us, have launched a wide range of products—from digital payments to food delivery—to serve consumers.
I expect many of you will ask how we arrived at this structure, meaning allowing Careem to maintain an independent brand and operate separately. After careful consideration, we decided that this framework has the advantage of letting us build new products and try new ideas across not one, but two, strong brands, with strong operators within each. Over time, by integrating parts of our networks, we can operate more efficiently, achieve even lower wait times, expand new products like high-capacity vehicles and payments, and quicken the already remarkable pace of innovation in the region.
This acquisition is subject to regulatory approval in various countries, which we don’t expect before Q1 2020. Until then, nothing changes. And since both companies will continue to largely operate separately after the acquisition, very little will change in either teams’ day-to-day operations post-close. Today’s news is a testament to the incredible business our team has worked so hard to build.
It’s a great day for the Middle East, for the region’s thriving tech sector, for Careem, and for Uber.
Uber on,
Dara
Seemar’s top six for the Dubai World Cup Carnival:
1. Reynaldothewizard
2. North America
3. Raven’s Corner
4. Hawkesbury
5. New Maharajah
6. Secret Ambition
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
Panipat
Director Ashutosh Gowariker
Produced Ashutosh Gowariker, Rohit Shelatkar, Reliance Entertainment
Cast Arjun Kapoor, Sanjay Dutt, Kriti Sanon, Mohnish Behl, Padmini Kolhapure, Zeenat Aman
Rating 3 /5 stars
The five pillars of Islam
COMPANY PROFILE
Company name: Revibe
Started: 2022
Founders: Hamza Iraqui and Abdessamad Ben Zakour
Based: UAE
Industry: Refurbished electronics
Funds raised so far: $10m
Investors: Flat6Labs, Resonance and various others
SPECS
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
Kamindu Mendis bio
Full name: Pasqual Handi Kamindu Dilanka Mendis
Born: September 30, 1998
Age: 20 years and 26 days
Nationality: Sri Lankan
Major teams Sri Lanka's Under 19 team
Batting style: Left-hander
Bowling style: Right-arm off-spin and slow left-arm orthodox (that's right!)
The specs
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Transmission: ten-speed
Power: 420bhp
Torque: 624Nm
Price: Dh325,125
On sale: Now
SM Town Live is on Friday, April 6 at Autism Rocks Arena, Dubai. Tickets are Dh375 at www.platinumlist.net
ROUTE TO TITLE
Round 1: Beat Leolia Jeanjean 6-1, 6-2
Round 2: Beat Naomi Osaka 7-6, 1-6, 7-5
Round 3: Beat Marie Bouzkova 6-4, 6-2
Round 4: Beat Anastasia Potapova 6-0, 6-0
Quarter-final: Beat Marketa Vondrousova 6-0, 6-2
Semi-final: Beat Coco Gauff 6-2, 6-4
Final: Beat Jasmine Paolini 6-2, 6-2
Indoor cricket World Cup:
Insportz, Dubai, September 16-23
UAE fixtures:
Men
Saturday, September 16 – 1.45pm, v New Zealand
Sunday, September 17 – 10.30am, v Australia; 3.45pm, v South Africa
Monday, September 18 – 2pm, v England; 7.15pm, v India
Tuesday, September 19 – 12.15pm, v Singapore; 5.30pm, v Sri Lanka
Thursday, September 21 – 2pm v Malaysia
Friday, September 22 – 3.30pm, semi-final
Saturday, September 23 – 3pm, grand final
Women
Saturday, September 16 – 5.15pm, v Australia
Sunday, September 17 – 2pm, v South Africa; 7.15pm, v New Zealand
Monday, September 18 – 5.30pm, v England
Tuesday, September 19 – 10.30am, v New Zealand; 3.45pm, v South Africa
Thursday, September 21 – 12.15pm, v Australia
Friday, September 22 – 1.30pm, semi-final
Saturday, September 23 – 1pm, grand final
Specs: 2024 McLaren Artura Spider
Engine: 3.0-litre twin-turbo V6 and electric motor
Max power: 700hp at 7,500rpm
Max torque: 720Nm at 2,250rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed dual-clutch auto
0-100km/h: 3.0sec
Top speed: 330kph
Price: From Dh1.14 million ($311,000)
On sale: Now
The biog
Born: High Wycombe, England
Favourite vehicle: One with solid axels
Favourite camping spot: Anywhere I can get to.
Favourite road trip: My first trip to Kazakhstan-Kyrgyzstan. The desert they have over there is different and the language made it a bit more challenging.
Favourite spot in the UAE: Al Dhafra. It’s unique, natural, inaccessible, unspoilt.
War
Director: Siddharth Anand
Cast: Hrithik Roshan, Tiger Shroff, Ashutosh Rana, Vaani Kapoor
Rating: Two out of five stars
Simran
Director Hansal Mehta
Stars: Kangana Ranaut, Soham Shah, Esha Tiwari Pandey
Three stars
SPEC SHEET: NOTHING PHONE (2)
Display: 6.7” LPTO Amoled, 2412 x 1080, 394ppi, HDR10+, Corning Gorilla Glass
Processor: Qualcomm Snapdragon 8+ Gen 2, octa-core; Adreno 730 GPU
Memory: 8/12GB
Capacity: 128/256/512GB
Platform: Android 13, Nothing OS 2
Main camera: Dual 50MP wide, f/1.9 + 50MP ultrawide, f/2.2; OIS, auto-focus
Main camera video: 4K @ 30/60fps, 1080p @ 30/60fps; live HDR, OIS
Front camera: 32MP wide, f/2.5, HDR
Front camera video: Full-HD @ 30fps
Battery: 4700mAh; full charge in 55m w/ 45w charger; Qi wireless, dual charging
Connectivity: Wi-Fi, Bluetooth 5.3, NFC (Google Pay)
Biometrics: Fingerprint, face unlock
I/O: USB-C
Durability: IP54, limited protection
Cards: Dual-nano SIM
Colours: Dark grey, white
In the box: Nothing Phone (2), USB-C-to-USB-C cable
Price (UAE): Dh2,499 (12GB/256GB) / Dh2,799 (12GB/512GB)
Kill
Director: Nikhil Nagesh Bhat
Starring: Lakshya, Tanya Maniktala, Ashish Vidyarthi, Harsh Chhaya, Raghav Juyal
Rating: 4.5/5
The specs
Engine: 3.5-litre V6
Power: 272hp at 6,400rpm
Torque: 331Nm from 5,000rpm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 9.7L/100km
On sale: now
Price: Dh149,000
Moral education needed in a 'rapidly changing world'
Moral education lessons for young people is needed in a rapidly changing world, the head of the programme said.
Alanood Al Kaabi, head of programmes at the Education Affairs Office of the Crown Price Court - Abu Dhabi, said: "The Crown Price Court is fully behind this initiative and have already seen the curriculum succeed in empowering young people and providing them with the necessary tools to succeed in building the future of the nation at all levels.
"Moral education touches on every aspect and subject that children engage in.
"It is not just limited to science or maths but it is involved in all subjects and it is helping children to adapt to integral moral practises.
"The moral education programme has been designed to develop children holistically in a world being rapidly transformed by technology and globalisation."
Bridgerton season three - part one
Directors: Various
Starring: Nicola Coughlan, Luke Newton, Jonathan Bailey
Rating: 3/5