After a return to India, life has become more interrupted



Ever since my family and I moved back to India after nearly 20 years in the US, people often ask me what it is like to be back in my native country. My answer is always the same. As the movie title says, "It's Complicated."

If I could describe the difference between my life in New York City and my life here in Bangalore using one phrase, it would be this: friends versus family.

When you are an immigrant in a faraway land, you set down roots and make friends.

You choose people you like and nurture these relationships. They broaden your horizons and teach you new things.

I was raised a Hindu. In New York, I made friends with Jews, Christians and Muslims. My lunch partner was an orthodox Jewish woman who catered kosher meals. My PTA partner was a Muslim woman named Ameena. She grew up in London, wore a hijab and made the best guacamole ever. Her daughter Ayesha and mine were friends. Ameena's husband, Mohammed, was a banker like mine. Over time, the men grew friendly towards each other.

We belonged to minority cultures and faiths and this brought us closer, particularly after the September 11 attacks.

Most of our neighbours were Christian and we celebrated Christmas with them - organising parties for the building staff and going to midnight mass at a church on Park Avenue.

Here in India, a web of family surrounds, envelops, and occasionally suffocates me.

My parents, brother, cousins, and assorted uncles and aunts all live nearby. They will drop everything to come at my behest at a moment's notice. The trouble is that they expect the same from me. There are weddings to plan, family functions to attend, gifts to buy, and relationships to keep track of.

My life in India is fraught with interruptions, both delightful and frustrating. Cousins often drop in to see me and give me things. These are objects of love: a samosa that they made, delivered piping hot from their kitchen to mine; or mere objects: vessels that are returned; borrowed saris that are given back.

My relatives know what is going on in my life on a daily basis and I know what is going on in theirs.

When my uncle complains of a chest ache, I worry about it. I call the doctor. We talk for hours. He tells me about astrology: a passion of his. This never happened when I lived in New York.

During weekly phone calls to my parents, I would get news of the extended family. But it rarely touched or bothered me.

Sometimes I wish for the anonymity that I had in spades when I was an immigrant in a foreign land.

I don't want to account for my choices to all these relatives who care deeply about me and therefore have a view as to whether what I choose to do is right or wrong.

I wish for the friends who knew what to say and when to say it. Friends are a choice. Family isn't. It comes bundled with birth.

These bonds of blood are tight and embracing, but intrusive as well. On the flip side, families have a history that is hard to replicate.

Your cousin can push your buttons like no friend can. He can irritate you into exhibiting emotions that you didn't believe existed. My brother and I speak in a shorthand that only we know. A look between us can cause us to collapse into giggles in the midst of a family wedding.

Since I cannot escape my family, I have decided to come to terms with it.

I want to find joy with my new life here in India - not resent the intrusions and opinions.

A line I read recently will help me in this quest. It comes from Rabindranath Tagore, the Nobel laureate poet of India.

He said, "Deliverance is not for me in renunciation. I feel the embrace of freedom in a thousand bonds of delight."

That is exactly what I want to feel.

Shoba Narayan is the author of Return to India: a memoir

Tottenham's 10 biggest transfers (according to transfermarkt.com):

1). Moussa Sissokho - Newcastle United - £30 million (Dh143m): Flop

2). Roberto Soldado - Valencia -  £25m: Flop

3). Erik Lamela - Roma -  £25m: Jury still out

4). Son Heung-min - Bayer Leverkusen -  £25m: Success

5). Darren Bent - Charlton Athletic -  £21m: Flop

6). Vincent Janssen - AZ Alkmaar -  £18m: Flop

7). David Bentley - Blackburn Rovers -  £18m: Flop

8). Luka Modric - Dynamo Zagreb -  £17m: Success

9). Paulinho - Corinthians -  £16m: Flop

10). Mousa Dembele - Fulham -  £16m: Success

Other workplace saving schemes
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  • Dubai’s savings retirement scheme for foreign employees working in the emirate’s government and public sector came into effect in 2022.
  • National Bonds unveiled a Golden Pension Scheme in 2022 to help private-sector foreign employees with their financial planning.
  • In April 2021, Hayah Insurance unveiled a workplace savings plan to help UAE employees save for their retirement.
  • Lunate, an Abu Dhabi-based investment manager, has launched a fund that will allow UAE private companies to offer employees investment returns on end-of-service benefits.
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
 
Started: 2020
 
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
 
Based: Dubai, UAE
 
Sector: Entertainment 
 
Number of staff: 210 
 
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
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Director: Kangana Ranaut

Stars: Kangana Ranaut, Anupam Kher, Shreyas Talpade, Milind Soman, Mahima Chaudhry 

Rating: 2/5

How to protect yourself when air quality drops

Install an air filter in your home.

Close your windows and turn on the AC.

Shower or bath after being outside.

Wear a face mask.

Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.

If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.

Celta Vigo 2
Castro (45'), Aspas (82')

Barcelona 2
Dembele (36'), Alcacer (64')

Red card: Sergi Roberto (Barcelona)

Cricket World Cup League 2

UAE squad

Rahul Chopra (captain), Aayan Afzal Khan, Ali Naseer, Aryansh Sharma, Basil Hameed, Dhruv Parashar, Junaid Siddique, Muhammad Farooq, Muhammad Jawadullah, Muhammad Waseem, Omid Rahman, Rahul Bhatia, Tanish Suri, Vishnu Sukumaran, Vriitya Aravind

Fixtures

Friday, November 1 – Oman v UAE
Sunday, November 3 – UAE v Netherlands
Thursday, November 7 – UAE v Oman
Saturday, November 9 – Netherlands v UAE

Dubai Bling season three

Cast: Loujain Adada, Zeina Khoury, Farhana Bodi, Ebraheem Al Samadi, Mona Kattan, and couples Safa & Fahad Siddiqui and DJ Bliss & Danya Mohammed 

Rating: 1/5