Demi Moore as Kate and David Duchovny in The Joneses.
Demi Moore as Kate and David Duchovny in The Joneses.
Demi Moore as Kate and David Duchovny in The Joneses.
Demi Moore as Kate and David Duchovny in The Joneses.

The Joneses


  • English
  • Arabic

A craven exercise in trashed expectations, The Joneses is a movie of two achingly disparate halves. In the first we are treated to a wickedly bleak satire about the empty soul of Western consumerism run amok. The second part does an absurd thematic volte face and becomes just the sort of corporate blancmange that the film from the first half would have satirised.

Typically, it all started so well, with the introduction of the eponymous family as the ideal Middle American success story. The Joneses consist of debonair father Steve (Duchovny), his stylish wife Kate (Moore), and their two perfect children, Jenn (Amber Heard) and Mick (Ben Hollingsworth). When we first meet the Joneses they're already moving into a giant mansion in an anonymous gated community somewhere in rich-ville USA (actual location Georgia). The Joneses drive Audis, wear Nikes, and sport Guccis. They practically breathe brands. And they instantly become the stars of the neighbourhood, dazzling the less glamorous among them with a combination of sexy smiles and limitless consumer durables. For the purpose of narrative clarity, however, the Joneses quickly reveal themselves to each other, and to us, as a fake family of sales people, working for an unnamed corporate marketing giant. In a slightly awkward expository scene, Lauren Hutton pops up as KC, a corporate hatchet woman whose job is to motivate her team and to inform us that the family are "self-marketers" who are flaunting the very idea of themselves and their perfection in order to sell the products that surround that perfection. "If people want you, they'll want what you want!" announces Hutton to her ace recruits. The Joneses then get busy selling. Kate and Steve host phony dinner parties and carefully project an image of the lusty, vibrant marriage, while Jenn and Mick's schoolside cool is equally contrived. In this Moore and Duchovny excel at depicting the kind of smooth shallow charade that might go unnoticed in any daytime TV soap or mainstream romantic comedy, while the movie, from the debut director Borte, delights at seeing just how implicated the American family has become in the DNA of corporate consumerism. But then disaster strikes, both for the characters within the plot and for the entire movie itself. Steve suddenly reveals his softer side, and that he's fallen in love with Kate. This, as KC could have told us, is a break with corporate protocol and threatens to derail the efficacy of the sales machine. Worse still, fake siblings Jenn and Mick undergo PR-busting identity crises. At which point Borte abandons all satirical instincts and asks us, after everything that's happened, to see the beauty in this family after all. Similarly a melodramatic rain-soaked climax, with rousing romantic strings, would have suited another gushier movie. But here the cosy resolutions ultimately validate all those corporate plugs in the first half of the movie, and make the whole thing vaguely unsettling and crass.

UAE Tour 2020

Stage 1: The Pointe Palm Jumeirah - Dubai Silicon Oasis, 148km
Stage 2: Hatta - Hatta Dam, 168km​​​​​​​
Stage 3: Al Qudra Cycle Track - Jebel Hafeet, 184km​​​​​​​
Stage 4: Zabeel Park - Dubai City Walk, 173km​​​​​​​
Stage 5: Al Ain - Jebel Hafeet, 162km​​​​​​​
Stage 6: Al Ruwais - Al Mirfa, 158km​​​​​​​
Stage 7: Al Maryah Island - Abu Dhabi Breakwater, 127km

Living in...

This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home. 

How to protect yourself when air quality drops

Install an air filter in your home.

Close your windows and turn on the AC.

Shower or bath after being outside.

Wear a face mask.

Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.

If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.

MATCH INFO

Borussia Dortmund 0

Bayern Munich 1 (Kimmich 43')

Man of the match: Joshua Kimmich (Bayern Munich)

In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe

Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010

Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille

Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm

Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year

Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”

Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners

TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013 

The rules on fostering in the UAE

A foster couple or family must:

  • be Muslim, Emirati and be residing in the UAE
  • not be younger than 25 years old
  • not have been convicted of offences or crimes involving moral turpitude
  • be free of infectious diseases or psychological and mental disorders
  • have the ability to support its members and the foster child financially
  • undertake to treat and raise the child in a proper manner and take care of his or her health and well-being
  • A single, divorced or widowed Muslim Emirati female, residing in the UAE may apply to foster a child if she is at least 30 years old and able to support the child financially
Tips for taking the metro

- set out well ahead of time

- make sure you have at least Dh15 on you Nol card, as there could be big queues for top-up machines

- enter the right cabin. The train may be too busy to move between carriages once you're on

- don't carry too much luggage and tuck it under a seat to make room for fellow passengers

The five pillars of Islam

1. Fasting 

2. Prayer 

3. Hajj 

4. Shahada 

5. Zakat 

Du Plessis plans his retirement

South Africa captain Faf du Plessis said on Friday the Twenty20 World Cup in Australia in two years' time will be his last.

Du Plessis, 34, who has led his country in two World T20 campaigns, in 2014 and 2016, is keen to play a third but will then step aside.

"The T20 World Cup in 2020 is something I'm really looking forward to. I think right now that will probably be the last tournament for me," he said in Brisbane ahead of a one-off T20 against Australia on Saturday. 

Ms Yang's top tips for parents new to the UAE
  1. Join parent networks
  2. Look beyond school fees
  3. Keep an open mind
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Total eligible population

About 57.5 million people
51.1 million received a jab
6.4 million have not

Where are the unvaccinated?

England 11%
Scotland 9%
Wales 10%
Northern Ireland 14% 

Our legal columnist

Name: Yousef Al Bahar

Advocate at Al Bahar & Associate Advocates and Legal Consultants, established in 1994

Education: Mr Al Bahar was born in 1979 and graduated in 2008 from the Judicial Institute. He took after his father, who was one of the first Emirati lawyers

WHAT IS A BLACK HOLE?

1. Black holes are objects whose gravity is so strong not even light can escape their pull

2. They can be created when massive stars collapse under their own weight

3. Large black holes can also be formed when smaller ones collide and merge

4. The biggest black holes lurk at the centre of many galaxies, including our own

5. Astronomers believe that when the universe was very young, black holes affected how galaxies formed

Developer: Ubisoft Montreal / Ubisoft Toronto
Publisher: Ubisoft
Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One, Windows
​​​​​​​Release Date: April 10

Essentials

The flights
Emirates and Etihad fly direct from the UAE to Los Angeles, from Dh4,975 return, including taxes. The flight time is 16 hours. Alaska Airlines, United Airlines, Delta Air Lines, Aeromexico and Southwest all fly direct from Los Angeles to San Jose del Cabo from Dh1,243 return, including taxes. The flight time is two-and-a-half hours.

The trip
Lindblad Expeditions National Geographic’s eight-day Whales Wilderness itinerary costs from US$6,190 (Dh22,736) per person, twin share, including meals, accommodation and excursions, with departures in March and April 2018.

 

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Our legal consultant

Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais

Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.

While you're here
APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)

Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits

Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine

Storage: 128/256/512GB

Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4

Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps

Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID

Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight

In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter

Price: From Dh2,099