Cockneys vs Zombies

Cockneys vs Zombies is a tatty horror comedy that is bottom-of-the-barrel bad.

The title says it all in Cockneys vs Zombies. Photo by Owen Billcliffe
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Cockneys vs Zombies
Director: Matthias Hoene
Starring: Michelle Ryan, Ashley Thomas, Harry Treadaway, Honor Blackman, Rasmus Hardiker

With a title that sums up its simplistic, slapstick premise, Matthias Hoene's effort pits a plague of the undead against a bunch of gun-toting grannies from London's East End but runs out of firepower long before the end.

When the zombie apocalypse strikes, two cocky lads (Harry Treadaway, Rasmus Hardiker) and their tough-as-nails cousin (Michelle Ryan) head to their grandfather's retirement home to help rescue the pensioners.

What follows is simply a barrage of carnage as the youngsters and the oldies grab any weapon that comes to hand to kill off the undead.

There's one mildly amusing scene in which an aged resident (played by the veteran actor Richard Briers), hobbling on his walking frame, tries to "outrun" the shuffling zombies. But watching the cast mutilate monsters swiftly becomes tiresome.